she can’t be gone.
she can’t.

she’s a little girl.

she loves her.

she loves hailey.

her hailey.

so just please,

hailey just please,

don’t die.

please never try to **** yourself ever again.

we need you hailey.

alice needs you.

alice ******* loves you.

she loves you so much.

-

thank god

you’re okay-

your shirt,
decorated with
polka dots
and bananas,
it smells
like your house,
like your room,
thank you for letting me borrow it.
it's adorable
it's cute
it's wonderful


i love you

and it’s time for me to let go

i write out my feelings.
are they true? are the words i put out true?

hell, i don’t even know.


reading your poems about her, god

*******.


****.

yknow?


i don’t know if i can do this.


i’ve gotten better, honestly,



but now the scent of food makes me gag,


the sight of you makes me warm.


and she glares, making me stop.



i want to hug you.

to call you mine.


BUT GOD I ALWAYS KEEP QUIET FOR TOO LONG AND I DONT EVEN KNOW IF THE THINGS YOU TELL ME ARE TRUE BECAUSE IM SURE YOU WOULDNT TELL MY **** BUT-

but-

but it’s okay.


i’m a bit jealous, is all.


oh well.



at least your happy with the person who took you away

you deserve to feel the hurt you gave me

whats so enjoyable about it?

maybe ill try it out someday.

oh, okay.

you know i love you, right?

I made it to Lizzie’s household.
We’re drinking *****.
Nothing better than getting drunk while jet lagged.

blood on these walls have nowhere to run as if i were the blood and i could have gone.

dont you see? that im forcing myself to like her. that you're my source of happiness, one of them anyway, but it doesn't matter because everything is about her.


one cut, two cut, three cut, four. when will these lines go poor?

sleeping and slicing whats the difference? one of them only really cause pain

sometimes i want to die and sometimes i want to live .

i live for oone girl, though she'd never like me back, it's alright though.

i'd expect you to not know them as well as i do, since you still use the incorrect pronouns and name :)

**** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me **** me

anyway, now that depressive episodes over, why not have another one?

it would be funny if i just got up and left.



surely.

that's what you're waiting for.


my breaking point

"violets are red
roses are blue
you’re an *******
*******"

Liz, when are we going to Russia?

what makes you think that she’ll love me after i’ve made her do??

i was 2 years late.


I KNEW I LOVED HER AND I NEVER TOLD HER.




and now.

i’m crying over the girl who makes me the happiest.

are my poems boring?
are they monotone?
are you able to
imagine what’s happening
in your head?
they must be very boring,
i’m sorry.
they share no colors,
i’m sorry for gifting you
a dull world.  
if you can imagine the poem in your head,
i’ve done well, haven’t i?
they’ve become monotone, haven’t they?
i used to write happy
nature haikus.
now what?
they’re just useless feelings

the act of throwing someone out the window.

sore.
tired.

when will i get out of this stupid hospital?

soon they said.

am i lonely?
are you lonely?
loneliness is a feeling
some people say
they're lonely because
they have no one to talk to
is that what loneliness is?
sorry

i'm scared.
i dont wanna play..
i dont wanna dance..
i dont wanna do it..
theres so many people..
theyre waiting for me..
i have to do my best, right..?
im not good at this
i cant do this
please no
please dont
leave me alone please.

why don’t you love me?
why don’t you care for me?
why do you dismiss me like i am nothing?

what did i do?


mommy please

i need you

it's okay to be aro.

love your friends.

love your family.


because we don't feel anything more than that.




im sorry.

i really dont know why,
ive suddenly gotten 21 notifications,
telling me that people enjoy my poems.
you guys are so
so
so
supportive.
thank you.

nothing could make this
small
13yo
trans girl,
feel
so
accomplished

thank you.

thank you so much.

i couldnt even explain it in words.

just.


thank you

the sun shines brightly
as bright as it could ever be
it warms up the earth
oh how so thankful we are
to be able to
call it our savior tonight.
no matter the clouds,
the present weather,
the time of the day,
the sun forever shines on us.

Bonjour.

I've arrived.

Just a bit tired.

Bye-bye daddy.

i feel sick to my stomach
i felt like crying and giving up

i’m going to a party.

he said horrible things to me about what i’m wearing.

what i’m wearing doesn’t concern you in any way.

so please do

call me

homeless

***

******

for wearing

converse

leggings

and a t-shirt.

i am a completely normal person.

would you rather me go in short pants and a short shirt?!!

no.

you wouldn’t.

Dear Tabatha,

I hope things get better for you.
Tabatha.
Tabby.
Tyler James.
Thank you for being in my life.
Thank you for everything, love.

WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR MY PARENTS TO CARE ABOUT ME

thanks for deciding to live :)

Tired.

Bored.

Gotta take care of this,

Gotta take care of that.

When am I ever truly done with helping people?

Y'all I might be getting a binder.

i will keel over and die  and it will still be all my fault

:)

the pain in my heart in unbearable and i feel like im being crushed with all the pain the world has to offer.

i feel tears streaming down my face yet i feel no sadness.

i fight and fight and fight everyday
only for it to amount to nothing
and to feel even more pain the next day.

i don’t want to do this anymore.