My god I took you for granted.

And there’s only so many times I can stomach the regrets I made before I want to claw them out of my insides. There shouldn’t have been room for regrets. There was not time. Time was ours until I stopped believing it was and then there was never enough.
I’ll never forgive myself for letting go of you, for losing sight of you
For turning around and closing the door
Long before you actually walked out of it

Because
in my whole 24 years of being on this god forsaken earth
Loving you was the only thing I ever did right.

Because you were the best poem I ever ******* wrote
And even after all these years
Of scraping back the words and trying to mesh them together
I still can’t make sense of these letters wrapped in metaphors.

I still can’t put my pen to paper
And draw out anything other than your name
And ‘I’m sorry’.

I still look for you, you know
In countries we never crossed
And continents we never kissed
And sometimes I still find you
Burning, softly, slowly,
In the lonely shadows of my heart
You always knew how to ignite a fire in me even when I was so sure I’d ran out of fuel.

I know we’ve both moved on
But there are still nights where I swear I feel you
In the creases of our sheets
In the curves of her skin.

If love is a war then I lived and died inside of you
And I’ve spent the last two years swallowing prescription pills
Throwing trust out of windowsills and
Skipping smoke out of my lungs
Desperately searching for some kind of resurrection.

I know that it’s over
But ****
I’d do anything to prop my lips
On the curves of your smile once more
To hang my heart
In the warm corridors of yours.

I’d give up an eternity of sunshine to feel my skin hot and burning against yours one last time.

I’m telling you, my love,
My lips are lost on loveless skin,
So tell me something
Are you still finding the pieces of my broken heart
Scattered across our bedroom floor?

In another life we’d have a second chance
What do you say?
Darling?
Just one more dance
I know how you love to dance.
My arms around your waist, your eyes holding mine, let’s rip down the clocks
And go back in time.

Of all the journeys I’ve ever made, coming home to you will always be my favourite, You know, I’ll never be able to teach myself to forget the feeling of your hands around my heart.

it’s been almost three years since we said goodbye
And I don’t think I’m any closer to letting you go.

It’s 3am and my thoughts are on fire
With the idea of you.

I’m still trying to figure out why it is
Every other woman I kiss
Leaves your taste on my lips.

Everything is temporary. Except you. You were always intended to be eternal.

In another life time
In every other life time
I am yours
And you are mine.

I have the Devil deep inside me
And he’s playing a cruel game
It’s my life ‘Vs’ his life and he’s
Fuelled by all my pain. A deal
I made many moons ago, I shook
His hand and let him know that

Life wasn’t all that it should be
I wanted out, I wanted
Peace. He raised his head then snarled a grin
Opened his arms then pulled me
In, loaned his eyes so I could see the
Deep Red of Eternity

White dust he sprinkled, fires and sparks. My
Life seemed meek in dull contrast
“I’ll give you life in turn for yours, with
One small price to pay of course.
I’ll take away each bowt of pain, I’ll
Teach you how to smile each day

You’ll fool them all, you’ll have good fun, you’ll
Laugh and dance under the sun
As time goes by you’ll grasp the chance to
Reacquaint with confidence
Walk hand in hand with me, you’ll see how
Easy it be, to exist

Carefree” - I knew that life could be much
Worse than all he’d painted with
His words; I was already giving
Up you see. I gave my hand
Reluctantly. He grasped it hard then
Pulled me tight. He stared so deep
Within my eyes that, soon enough I’d

Lost all sight and Line-by-Line
I’d lost my touch, with Magic dust I’d
Found my crutch. The pain subsides,
My soul was priced up Gram-by-Gram, the
Whirlpools spun me round ‘n’ round
And the Devil Cloned me as I drowned

A mind once mine was now half-
Owned. Shame so vast I could barely breath,
False Pretences filled with Greed
These days I walk by in two-halves, each
Day I fight I can hear him
Laugh. “You silly Fool did I not say?

“Addiction is the Price you’ll
Pay?! For everyday you thought you’d Won.
The endless Masks which you’d piled
On, to hide the pain to cheat the game
Avoid life’s lessons you’d made
In vain; with me you chose to spend your

Days. I have your hand. You gave
Your blood, blind-sighted tears because
You ******-up. Indulged in Drugs
You masked your pain and now I hear MY
Name in Vain as you Beg and
Pray for me to end the game. Such a

Naieve young fool you were back
Then to think that ‘I’ would be ‘your’ friend
Now day-by-day you’ll hear me
Laugh as you try to loosen up my
Grasp. With new eyes on the prize are you
Surprised, that you see me ROAR?!”

Don’t Fall down now as you run;
The Devils deal you should not have done!



© 8 hours ago, Karen L Hamilton

i love you - i
always have -
like natural flavors.

and just as the sun's hurt knee
is yellow number five,
my pale blue flame is underneath
the bottom of fate

looking for a good home cooked meal.

my first crush committed suicide.
i remember the hurt at a young age
from chasing him around his living room
begging him for a kiss.
from my young age i knew i wanted him
in my life forever.
through his weaves and gagging
running around the furniture and up the stairs,
losing him sounded foreign then
and having lost him now, still feels the same.
our fathers drank and our mothers giggled
born three months apart
our future planned together
both saying "i do"
uniting us all together.
life flew on by
us both fighting with ourselves
and downing the bottles underneath the bed
loaded and silenced
family portraits painted in red
long life memories all put to rest.
only one made it out alive
but it's hard to breathe
out of us how was it me
and you in a little box
where a diamond ring should be.
my mind keeps wondering
when will i stop chasing you
then my heart replays
every time you turned a corner
you looked over your shoulder
and how you smiled at me.

I remember passion fondly,
sepia-toned snapshots
of vaguely familiar faces,
preposterous poses
grinning at memory's camera.
Such children we were,
bloated with self-importance
raring to be loosed
upon an unsuspecting world
     (they'll never know what hit'em).
Battered by time,
small success and major failures,
a one-sided smile
crawls up my face today
as I pray
for a fragment of that fire,
a torch
to light the rest of my days.

Set the alarm
Lock the doors
Lock the windows
Lock the shutters
Find the cricket bat – “put it by your bed”
Say goodnight to mom and dad

Although young, not naïve
I knew every night had the possibility of being my last

A routine that is now muscle memory.

Fear –
You may think
But life –
Normal for me.

Wake up
Turn off the alarm
Unlock the doors
Open the windows
Open the shutters
Put the cricket bat in the cupboard

Never being able to be left alone at home. Unwillingly dragged from store to store.

But – that’s the thing –
People don’t know the real Her,
They know the exquisite scenery, the unforgettable wildlife
They don’t know… But I do.
Because She is my home
Because being in constant fear for my life –
is normal.

Confused –
What do I tell people about Mother when they ask?
The person who raised me, taught me how to be grateful, how to ride a bike,         how to love.
Do I tell them? Will I scare them?

Although hidden beneath the tyranny – I would say –
the bloodshed
the faces of malnourished children left for dead on the side of the road the poverty struck soil the corruption      the greed the hunger the death the separation of class and race

Although a place feared –
Africa.

My Africa –
Whose sunshine you feel ignited in your soul
My Africa –
Whose smile is irresistibly contagious
My Africa –
Whose heart lies in the grassy terrain
The golden dunes of sand
The never-ending mountain tops
My Africa –
Who is the heart of various people
           cultures
   languages
          All who call Her home.
She is –
Where my heart lies even if I am thousands of miles away
Where my mind wanders from day to day.

Her air, instantly calls you
Her smell, instantly smelt
Welcoming you ever so dearly –
      Home.

Like all good mothers,
She is the one who can handle both the tranquil and turmoil,
the love and war.

She is my home. She is who I fear of disappointing.

My Africa –
is beautiful.