tomorrow my brain might hurt
come downs ****
but the ups are so worth it

These four walls
will be the death of me.
Squeezing, constricting
til theres no more breath in me.
Overthinking, thoughts rebounding from the corners
like that screensaver.
Im so capable,
yet unable
to leave.
Frozen as the air outside.
Limbs pinned,
tied like Gulliver.
Guilt and sadness and regret
leak
from eyes
fixed open
unblinking in the dark.

somedays it seems very clear
that December is never dear
to me.

snow-kissed branches outreached
atop snow-kissed mounds of cold

crystals gently laying themselves
upon the silent earth outside.
a silence that can only be heard
when all shelter from the
falling flakes outside.
- - -
winter after winter
i always wish as it draws nearer

for a family warming their toes
around a crackling hearth adorned
with red stockings and an initial
of our names on each.

to be drinking mulled cider
and mull over musings of the
yesteryear together. all while
sneaking glances at the neatly
wrapped boxes underneath the
Christmas tree we wreathed a
day after Thanksgiving.
- - -
but my winters have no snow
and no Christmases worth
watching through a window.
my family is myself
and myself is sorrow.