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if I speak I always fail
to truly express what
I actually think

I wish you could read my
mind or there exists a place
to establish a link

sometimes I'm frustrated
because what I say did not
hit the brink

so I apology in writing
because its hard to speak
there is a tree outside the window
where I work
when I looked out I see it  everyday
I often wonder what its past life
had been like the past years

if I speak to it will it tell me secrets
it heard along the years
will it tell me stories about life
when I do not even exist
will it tell me that once lovers
meet under its shades

I often wonder a lot because
now when you see the tree
it is bare as bare can be
it  no longer have beautiful leaves
as all its branches are dead

but yet you will see it standing
tall and proud above all
other young trees around it

one day I know if I look out
I will not see this tree but I hope
this tree knows that I love seeing it
everyday
#everyone is not alone if we look hard enough
Yes they brought me home
Torn in body and mind
Claimed I was a hero
On the day I should have died

They carried me on a stretcher
So they could pin a medal on my chest
But was it really a tribute
To a man now close to death

My body now a shattered wreck
But a mind still so sharp and clear
I can hear their whispers
Resonating in my ears

This was the girl I married
The one who said that she was mine
She's still with me but with another
Living in a world of lies

Why? It wasn't my fault
That the I.E.D went up
And turned my fragile body
Into a mess of ****** pulp

So I can no long perform
Can no longer be a man
But was that a good enough reason
For you to find another man

You think that I don't know the truth
Shed silent tears in the dark of night
I lost my body but not my mind
On the day I should have died

What worth the marriage vows
When things don't go your way
What now the worthless words
She spoke to me that day

I left here as a man
Kissed my wife and said goodbye
Got blown up and shattered on a foreign field
I lived but wish now that I had died
This is all to often the bitter truth. I have never been to Afghanistan but in my 24 years of service I saw this so many times
 Jan 2020 Michael Messinger
kain
Pale lights
Strike down around me like moonfire
I wonder how they're doing
I wonder how they're doing

Will my words someday
Be enshrined in the tombs
Of thousand letter books
Where will I be then

And will they embalm me
In book awards and fame
I don't think so
I'm not all that much
I''m not all that special
Yeehaw,
 Jan 2020 Michael Messinger
J
i’m sorry for everything.

i’m sorry that you are afraid of your own thoughts.
i’m sorry you are afraid of your own feelings.
i’m sorry that you believe that you are destined to be alone.
i’m sorry that you can’t talk about your feelings without feeling guilty or selfish.
i’m sorry that you get too into your own head and can’t get out.
i’m sorry that you can’t get into relationships because you don’t think you’re good enough for anyone.
i’m sorry you think you only have friends because they pity you.

i’m sorry you can’t see yourself they way everyone else in your life says they do.
i think everyone has things that they need to work on; here are some of mine in the form of a personal apology letter.
 Jan 2020 Michael Messinger
Aruna
The birds returning to their
Nest , the little ones under
The night sky , the stars shimmering
Like a wiggly worm , mom looking
At the young , Tired unable
To move , she cries and pebble
In the nest , falls below on
The ground , all burnt upon
The soil dead , the pain
The animals , no land to live in
No food to eat , god save us
From the inhumane kind , be kind to us.
The cry of animals during the forest fire .
You have been seen
Sitting at the bus stop
Your children occupied;
In her pram the other
Sandwich in hand

I've seen that you have
Given all to them at
Expense of yourself
Thin in tired clothes

I wonder - is that the
Expectation of motherhood
That all must be sacrificed
So none of who was remains

I've seen you - a sister in parenting
My heart aches for I see
Sorrow in your eyes
And hardship in your stare

I wonder again - when I
Am seen what do they think?
Day 327
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