I have to stay awake


While my eyes stay open

I am in control

But when my eyes close

My memory is maestero


Right now she's in a rage

Drowning in the sorrow

Burning in injustice

Unwilling to wait 'til tomorrow


But I have to wait because

Right now if these memories play

My demons will win

And I'll waste away


So I have to stay awake

I know you heard me
But did you listen?

I know you felt sorry
But did you empathize?

Do you not see
Because you don't care enough to look?

I can make myself speak,
But I don't know how to be clear

When I am drowning
I don't have the energy to draw diagrams

Did you think we'd
Love you less
When you put your flaws on display?

As if they could ever
Be comparable
To even one of the reasons we stay?

They are dust on diamonds

I think I would have fallen for you
Even if I were blind

Because your laugh
Makes me grin like a fool

Because even in blackness
Your character would still be visible

I think I would have fallen for you
Even if I were deaf

Because nothing quite steals my breath
Like the way you smile

And nothing quite melts my heart like
Watching you care without a speck of guile

I think I would have fallen for you
Even if you were mute

Because we still would have talked the night away without a single phrase

And been bound together by the adventures
That came along the way

So I don't think there was a way that I wouldn't have ended up right here

Watching you tell me another story
And falling without a moment of fear

And if everything has an exception
Where the rule does not apply
Then why not you and I

Because no world of us is ever possible
Where our paths cross and never untwist
Except the one that is

Sweet kettle scent
And sugar clouds
Blinking color lights
And jaunty music loud

Catch a fish
Off the rim
Pop the balloons
So close try again

Sit and spin
Sit and soar
Sick and dizzy
Let's go once more

From light to dark
Hot to cold
One more ride
Around and slow

Share a secret
Share a kiss
Spy a star
And make a wish

Blue, green,
Red and white
Carnival lights
wink out of sight

The rides all sleep
The music fades
Can't wait for tomorrow
For another fair day

You watch for shooting stars
You look so hard
That the stars seem to shift

Once, twice, thrice,
You see their tails from the periphery
Till you turn and nothing's there

Maybe you imagined them
Per chance they were never even there
Probably just a trick of the light

Then a bright one streaks across the sky
And you know the others with fiction
Now that you've seen the real thing

This is how shooting stars
Are like true love.

Cheating Chance isn't hard
But cheating Fate is impossible

For while you play checkers with Chance
Fate moves you like a pawn on a chess board

I stepped away from the world
To fill the holes in my soul

Only to come back to find
Your life in ruin and strife

I tried to help but you
Couldn't comprehend where I'd been

...So we parted ways...

But sometimes I wonder
How you'd have fared, if I'd been there?

If maybe...it was my fault

My heart
                  dropped

When I saw how of me
Was my fear...

Until I realized the rest of me
Was how I fought it

And I decided that all of my future
Will be how I beat it

I feel therefore I write
Write until I understand
It doesn't turn the wrongs to rights
But peace is the ink that stains my hands

I set out just as the sky took flame
Walking forward 'til I felt it's heat
Letting it set my anger and I ablaze

And together, we burned
Until the day, to night, turned

If I cannot fly,
Does that make the sky
Any less that amazing for a bird

If I cannot breath underwater
Does that make the beautiful blue depths
Any less perfect for a fish

And life for them in my shoes
Trapped on the earth would be hard
Despite the sunsets and music

So no, you are not hard to love
Not for the right person, not even for most
I'm just sorry you found a fish out of water before me

What happened?

What was lost between
Point A and Point B
That made you believe
Love was bought with currency?

What led to this misconception
That you pay for love with perfection?
You who live with this deception
Listen close, give me all your attention
I've seen every flaw you care to mention.

Everything from unthinkable to unpleasant
And it will never change the way
I love you, future, past, or present.

A cliffhanger without a conclusion

So many plot holes left hollow

No dandelion wishes can fix this

Because the storm that blew through
took them and you too

And as loyal as you were, you had to leave first

How many of your ripples of change remain?

What of all the loose ends you left behind my friend?

So many questions and no answers to mention

But among all that I don't know, this I do

That for as long as I live, the world won't forget you

Yellow coats and squeaky shoes
Butterfly nets and umbrellas blue
These are best for hunting frogs

Quiet giggles and smiling friends
Tall water reeds and river bends
These are best for finding frogs

Slippery mud and misty rain
Grassy tumbles and many stains
These are best for catching frogs

Slimey fingers and careful grips
Awed, sweet glances and grinning lips
These are best for holding frogs

Happy tears and soft goodbyes
Brand new name and darkened sky
These are best for freeing frogs

He would dash to doorstep to greet me
Waving hi with the trees
Making me feel happy

He liked to run his fingers through my hair,
Or gave me a little shove
Making me feel loved

As I walked, he spun and danced around,
With the leaves chasing him
Making me shake my head and grin

He was an adventure when he took my hand
And I felt at home when he held me
He made me feel safe and free

So now I want someone who
Loved me like the wind did

God said, I need your hope to be stronger

I thought, He wants me to believe in this relationship harder and longer.

I knew I was wrong when He said walk away.
Now I know, he meant believe you can get through the grey.

He meant, believe you can love again and that I have a better match

But I don't think I'll succeed,
I think I'm burned out at last.

When I was unsure
Fear held me so tight
It hurt to move in any direction
But at least I was held

When I was despairing
Sadness would tell me
All that was wrong with me and the world
But at least I was acknowledged

When I was alone
Pain reached out
and filled me with anguish
But at least I wasn't empty

So now I look for the lost
And be a friend they can walk with
So they don't wander so far away
That Death is the only one who can find them

Crazy     Sick
Struck   Blind     
Madly   Falling

Terrible to imagine until we look again
Through rose-colored glasses

I was lost in the worry
That should be here but it's not
Trying to believe and be happy
But waiting for the other shoe to drop

I was ready with an umbrella
A wind breaker and sunscreen
Sunshine daily but you don't call me silly
You just ask if you can carry anything

I'm learning to trust the ground we walk on
Because maybe not all ice is thin
Winter days don't have to be bitter
And nights can just be for stars and wishin'

And new days are new adventures
Not a game of dice or roulette
And walks are for long talks
Not for escaping and secrets

Because my definition of love wasn't wrong
Just the connotations
And you wrote over them in red ink
Giving me back a better edition

And while my eyes still drop
When that song comes on
And I have to disappear to deal
With memories I'd thought were gone

You wait and you're patient
As I heal from all the heartache
Still I'm sorry you have to be careful
Because of the mess someone else made

But I'm learning from you that love can be good
It doesn't always break, not always made of glass
Sometimes it's made of rubber
It may fall but it's durable, forever bouncing back

Maybe God is letting you struggle with addiction
So you can show the world how God heals addiction

Maybe God is letting you struggle with depression
So you can show others that it isn't just people whose brains work right that believe

Maybe God tried to stop you from all the choices that got you here
And when you made your choices anyway then He got to show the world that He can bring anyone back from the brink

Maybe He is using your trials to prove that the gospel is for everyone,
can comfort anyone,
and to give you compassion for those who also struggle, just not always in the same way

Because He is the God of all people, of every step of the journey home, and of every second in this life and the next

He spoke and the world was
And the sun shone
And the grass grew
And man took breathe

And I am not mighty like He

When I speak
Neither the plants
Nor the sky
Nor life itself hears

But the God of them all does

And so I speak of him
Not in authority
Nor in eloquence
Nor perhaps in power

Only in complete and divine love

Tired from the long journey,
He turns to go,
Dragging fingers of fire
   Along behind him in
           Red,
                   Orange,
                               and Yellow

He waves a final goodbye
Glinting tears left in his wake
      as the clouds close
               Behind him in
                                       Pink,
                          Purple,
      and Blue

In all that is worth seeking
I've never sought for greek love
For they warn of the heart as
They warn of Tartarus

The price of you grew
But at first it was only a little drama
I can still hear the Fates' laugh
As I pulled out my drachmas

But I didn't mind
Because we were an epic
Of laughter and adventure
Of struggles and magic

Oh but this is Greek love
And I didn't know it
But you were Pandora and her box
You opened it and wreaked havoc

Suddenly I was Atlas
Holding up my world and yours
In endless pain
I was Prometheus, empty at the core

You flew for the sun
Believing yourself Pegasus, not Icarus
When you began to plummet
I dove after you fearless

You fell far under the world
Surrounded by mistakes egregious
I chased you to Hades but tell me
Am I Hercules or Theseus?

○○○
After every happy
○○○
Comes a hard
○○○
Choose to let it be happy too
○○○

I came for the tune
And stayed for the lyrics

I wanted to understand the fuss
Thought you were full of it, I believed it

It was the vacation of a moment
And, months later, I wonder what happened

And today you sang and I sang along
And after all your jokes, I caved, laughin'

And as I sang, I looked at you
And it hit me, hard and fast and true

My smile fell and the tears fell
Because it's too late now, and I love you

Here I am again
Hiding from the world again
Watching Joy smile in the distance
While Empty keeps me company

Far away Life laughs on
Would I be safe with her?
From Pain who follows me
Where Anger is a stranger

I've seen people abandon Sadness
And cross to the other side
Where Greener tends his grass
I watch start to end and still can't comprehend

Did Chance teach them how?
Was it Faith who boosted them over?
I'll bet it was Love who held off Fear
If I listen close, maybe one day, I'll hear Hope

I sit on the edge of my heart
Looking for a beautiful part

You say they are everywhere
When you call I love you, it echos
But I see nothing out there
And no love of mine returned from the get go

I remember when we were both small

You grew up first, but I more tall

You come and go like the tide

I'm steady always waiting to be by your side

I wasn't big enough to hold you back then

But now I'm strong, sturdy, and trim

So build a house with me

One in which your kids can dream

Love,

Your Tree

I don't have enough light

To turn black to blue

But I'll take the light I find

And give it all to you

I'll be your beacon in the gloom

Love,

The Moon

Our moments are places
That belong to you and me.
Ones hidden better
Than any treasure

For only you and I
Can ever come back here
And relive this world
We built together

How long?

How long have you waited
For this world so jaded
To see you as I just have?

How long did you look down
Your glow marred only by a frown
Til they looked up and saw you shine?

How long did your heart bleed
Believing you must be ugly
Because they didn't have the eyes to see?

Wait no more
Because your worth,
ingrained in your core,
Is unbreakable when you see it.

When a stick become a sword,
He wields to save the maiden fair.
When a rock becomes a mountain,
He climbs to escape an angry bear.

When the car becomes a rocket,
That takes him beyond the stars.
So when we arrive at the store,
He becomes the first man on Mars.

When the pool becomes a sea,
Where he dives for sunken riches.
Then bests the fearsome leviathan,
Gaining gold to grant his wishes.

His every hope and dream,
Coming alive within his mind.
It’s what makes him special.
Absolutely one of a kind.