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Zac Shawhan Aug 2019
Light shining,
darkness fading.
Could it be?
He approaches

Every step,
increasing hope.
Faintest glimpse.
He approaches.

Uproar of,
royal fanfare -
Glory, pomp.
He approaches

Epochs fade
into His train.
At long last,
His reign revealed.
Zac Shawhan Nov 2019
Why is it so hard,
     To love just for love?
Must we always expect
     There to be a return?

Is there beauty enough
     To captivate,
Anchor our wayward souls?
     Could it be out there?

Beloved
Beloved
Beloved
I have found You now.
I can finally see!
And it is You—
Always been You!
Beloved
Beloved
Beloved
Zac Shawhan Dec 2019
Thinking about the One brings peace,
yet in hard times we often cease.
Worldly troubles make our thoughts flee,
from the Highest Good who does see,
all the suffering we endure.
But how can He see when so pure?
Can the Ultimate really care?
Dare He look upon our affairs?
For to look/care would bring Him down.
Would He really give up His crown?
If done would He still be The One,
and His light now less than our sun?
Or is there somehow He could stay
purest light and yet look this way?
It seems the problem then is plain.
If He is to care while He reigns,
then He cannot let us remain.
He must for us become the slain —
Transacting His goodness away,
saving those He loves from decay.
This price will cost Him everything,
still He goes like the eagles wing.
Will His loved ones appreciate,
Or accuse Him of being late?
To worldly troubles that distract
their minds and thoughts from His great act.
Zac Shawhan Jul 2019
These impulsive thoughts
     hidden like a toddler.
They are not hidden
     and yet I pretend.

In the curtains of my mind,
     toes exposed.
They linger. Waiting. Crouched.
     Still I pretend.
Zac Shawhan Jan 2020
Sinking further down as the dregs of the day come to pass--
painful, palpable drudgery.

There will be no recognition from anyone--
endlessly hoping tomorrow will somehow prove to be different
           insanity they call it.

Nevertheless, I go -- down the road to start again.
Zac Shawhan Apr 2020
Always liked things a little bit sad
Too much joy can make you go mad
Seems things are more real when that way
Like grey clouds on a summer’s day

When we grow old
Yes when we grow old
Say you’ll be with me
And I know we’ll be ok
Zac Shawhan Feb 2021
A void vastly expanding.
Encapsulating every thought
That tumbles inward.
Is it wrong
Wanting, waiting for
Fractured, feigned conversations
Converging conspicuously?

So I can say, “I was right all along.”
Zac Shawhan Sep 2020
Home, late after a hard day of work
Kitchen dimly lit with a night light
Eyes adjusting — out of the corner
Notice the dump truck left after a hard day of play
A beautiful reminder of my greatest achievement
Zac Shawhan Sep 2020
Is it another year so soon?
My little man, my dear big boy
as time goes on it begins to wound
yet still there remains a lasting joy.
Surprise hugs and silly kisses
shrink my world to you and I
and time’s wounding power decreases
as you teach me to deny
all I have and all I desire
to give it up, to self forget.
This is a truth that reaches higher,
to become content as vignette
Son’s third birthday
Zac Shawhan Jul 2019
Six souls, a shared experience
conversations, closeness.
Friends feeding on
laughter at lunch
with one another all together.
Zac Shawhan Dec 2019
You are such a marvelous gift
      miracle in plain sight.
My thoughts of you always uplift,
     you are my beam of light.

Some disbelieve in miracles,
     but with having you here,
I could never be cynical.
—intangible made near

Your mom and I have tried and tried,
     but time and time again,
our blessing, an empty womb hides —
     our joy made porcelain

Though, this pain has seeded such bliss.
     Sown in tears, raised with mirth
Hill flowing sweet wine blessedness
     No more loss, gone the dearth
Zac Shawhan Jul 2019
The smooth, black, bitter delight
      as I look out on a
flood of fury, fear, and movement.

The gray wind wet with wrath
     becomes a means for
my soul to wander back to the One.
Zac Shawhan Jul 2019
I awaken to a Light
burning so blazingly, beautifully bright.
Filling that ******, dreaded, destructive Darkness.
All with Himself and all with His likeness.

Enlightening every man and
illuminating the incredulous
This Light unravels and unfolds unending delight.
Hello to the after, good-bye to the night.
Zac Shawhan Sep 2019
The first rays of radiant light
     beaming with purpose, giving all sight.
Gently they kiss your hard terrain.
     Seen to those that travel your lane.
Welcoming all that think themselves strong.
     You draw them in with alluring song.
But what is sought not always found,
     for unknown to them you are bound.

Quiet yet marvelous witness,
     looking at or out one must confess.
To grand for us this earth design.
     You are yourself for us a sign.
Awe-inspiring, fill with wonder,
     our hearts could become asunder.
We mustn’t think this was by chance.      
     Because of you we get a glance.
Zac Shawhan Jul 2019
Eating not to eat
     biscuit, eggs, and sausage.
Eating just to see
     family — wife and son.

Sitting ‘round the table
     with laughter and silliness.
How long will I remember,
     life in this moment?

How soon will this world
     cause me to forget?
This little Saturday Breakfast,
     this life in this moment.
Zac Shawhan Sep 2019
A house of people just for you
     giving their love to you anew.
Some travelled far away from here
     but to them it was worth it dear.
If I can add to their great love
     I’d never stop I’d be a dove.
Just like the one that Noah had.
     I’d fly and I’d fly home my lad.
Because you are my everything.
     My sweet, my love, you are darling.
Zac Shawhan Jul 2019
Sweet Louisianne,
to tell of you
is to tell of two:
The North and the South
The fields and the swamp
The pine and the oak
The twang and the cher.

Sweet Louisianne,
all I’ve ever known
is how to call you home,
the little hills in the North
the swamp in the South
where I grew
and where I’ve grown.

Sweet Louisianne,
your heat can be sweet
when it’s the belly not the feet
the bright red mud bugs
and the dark, cloudy roux
are only ever true
when they come from you.
If you’re not from Louisiana you may get it, but you won’t get it.
Zac Shawhan Sep 2019
Another year has passed today
     And another is on the way
It does not seem to ever stop
     Not even for a moment stay

It would not bother me at all
     I mean the fact it does not stall
But why must time increase in speed
     As age and toil increase in deed

Time it may not ever stop
But stop we must it teaches us
Zac Shawhan Sep 2019
O’ how sweet this Vine that gives
‘Tis not pretty yet the branch lives
And look at its fruit how very sweet
What life is here, we must all eat
What of those with no fruit
It looks to me they’ll be cast in fire
Never to more they will expire
What became of them — why did they die?
It must be they did not abide.
This vine it seems gives life a plenty
Though it is not very pretty
A branch must long — it must desire
To be grafted in to never tire
But so it is with restless hearts
Some cannot see this Vine is ours.
Zac Shawhan Jul 2019
Falling, falling
Down, down
     into the darkness
Suffering of the mind
     seething
Somehow numbing too
     cold, icy, frozen, forced solitude
A soul sickness
A soul crushed
Zac Shawhan Jul 2019
Ocean expanse
Deep murky blue
Never ending
Nothing is bigger

Sweet little one
First sandy steps
Joyous eruption
Small, microcosm

God, You are there
Endless as the waves
Caring as a mom
Always, always here
Zac Shawhan Jan 2020
Distant cries over a vast expanse
— impuissant
Loved ones,
But there is nothing you can do
Who can cross the void?
Space and time make a mockery of men
—utter darkness
Hope dashed on the rocks
Zac Shawhan Oct 2020
Creeping and crawling
     like grub worms under bark —
Under the surface

Eating without cause
Wake up as an immovable object —
Inside looking out
Some days I wake up and all of my faults are before me. It is my belief that God reveals them to me progressively so that I can seek to amend certain things and experience forgiveness or help to restore. Otherwise, I can’t explain why certain things from 18 years ago pop up out of nowhere.
Zac Shawhan Jan 2020
Snow falling on a hard night
     Ice forming on the rocky terrain
     The man feels the chill in his bones
     But just then — a thought enters
     A memory. Bones still cold, but his
     Heart — it was warm.

— The End —