Something within is festering
A mighty storm of rage
Swirling, twirling
Making me ill
It fills me with an
Unending angst
I think I know where it's from
But I have no idea
How to rid myself of it
If I am honest
It's made a home within me
I nurture it with darkness
Feeding it the parts of myself
I don't want others to see
We have a sort of agreement, now
In return for keeping it alive
It reminds me that I am too
It makes my heart race with passion
It makes me dizzy with ideas
That I couldn't possibly act out
I'm sure it's dangerous
But now we're symbiotic
And it's convincing me
I can't live without it

I was dying
Losing my mind
Killing my body
And it lasted so long
I forgot how to be alive

I spent so much time
In that awful place
I made it my home
I hated it, but it was mine
Until I escaped

From a surge of bravery
I got out
And everything got
So much better
Way too quickly

But then it started to fade
The excitement wore away
I started to remember
What dying felt like
And I needed to mourn

So here I am
In this place in between
Not dying anymore
But not euphoric either
I am just here

I don't know how to mourn
When no one else can see
That I'm hurting
Because I'm not dying
I'm fine, but not quite

Haunted by memories
Of what I was
I wander through these days
Wishing I could escape
This place in between

Hey
It's me
Can you believe
I still miss you

I'm not the same
who I used to be
when I laughed with you

Don't you remember
Please don't forget

The sun hates me
so I  hide inside all day

Please remember
Don't you forget

The clouds hate me
so I stay in bed

I wish I knew
how to find life
find love
find someone alone

You still make me feel so small
I'm not that little girl anymore