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ok okay May 2020
This feeling is new to me
It stuns my mind
And lets me be
Empty hope
And lonely words
Is what I used to be
But now I can breathe
Make amends to the anxiety
And make sense of the hollow dreams
There is much more to me
Maybe in ways that you could only see
And when my words don't flow
Just know
Its because
My mind is stunned
By your beauty
ok okay May 2020
With empty eyes
What could you see
The man in my mirror lacks stability
His hair is long
And his mind is dreamy
He wants to starve himself
Because he enjoys the feeling
Black clothes are his favorite
Because he thought they might stare
He dyed his hair blue
Because he thought they might care
He tells himself things that most people would fear
He thinks hes the lowest
Because his mind never leaves

With empty eyes like mine
It makes it hard to see
ok okay May 2020
I try to escape it
But I swear I am losing it instead
My mind does not go when I want it
And fades away when I am scared
I feel sick to my stomach
This pain never goes away
I lose connections with others
And get stuck in the rain
Deep down inside
I feel like I am going insane
ok okay May 2020
My fantasies are far from perfect
Because it always rains
They love me
They hate me
And then they all go away
Is this fantasy or reality
My tears will surely say
Oh well
At least tomorrow will be another day
ok okay Apr 2020
It's raining leaves on a windy autumn day
My heart feels mellow
But my essence stays
Blue skies and sunshine
Are hidden far away

Beyond this canopy
My stress falls astray
These thoughts are hungry
I just want one good day

But here the river flows
It feels dream-like here
Maybe the forest knows
ok okay Apr 2020
Between the plains of emptiness
Beneath the fragile stars
Above the molten core
Lies a man who dreams of nothingness
And everything all at once
His mind has found bliss
The earth found his body
And enlightenment saved him from his storm
Been watching The Midnight Gospel
ok okay Apr 2020
I think I get it now
I can't even see the stars
Although there is no need to wonder
I am sure they are as bright they have always been
They are just hiding
Beyond my roof
And beyond the clouds
I doubt they will go anywhere anytime soon

Acceptance was my first lesson
I have never been one to meditate
Although somehow
My mind has brought me to an understanding
The light should not be rejected
For how else would a flower bloom
I think its sad how people trap them in their room
It is beautiful
How we live
And how we love
I hate hatred
And I often hate myself
But then I realise
That dwelling will get me nowhere

Another lesson I learned was about frustration
Not everything will come your way
From my experiences
I have gained friends
Lost friends
And sometimes lost myself
But even through all of that
I learned how important it is to never neglect yourself
If you only live for others
Then what will happen when they are gone?

I learned recently about taking initiative
Anxiety is the reason my nails are short
The reason why I shake my leg
And the reason why nobody else cares
Or at least that is what I used to think in my head
But over time it came to my mind
That I could not blame anxiety for all my problems
Life is cruel
But its probably not as cruel as I thought it was

My hardest lesson was not to dwell in my own dissatisfaction
Depression was the word I used to describe the void in my soul
I used to think that nothing could ever possibly get better
And that it was better to die young instead of dying of old age
The chemicals in my mind are still changing
So when I am feeling down
I always try to acknowledge that

Writing has been therapeutic for me
It has changed the way I view the world
For both good and bad
I have met people on here who have helped me on the darkest days
So I say to anyone in need
There are people on here who want to listen
I want to listen
Lets all try get through this mess o.o
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