Bloodshot fractures
   underneath her skin,
Cracking from inside
   breaking her within—

A thousand hairlines
     tearing her apart,
   draining away all her promises…

—unheard, unfelt, unseen—

Much like the beatings of her heart.

They were saline lips,
The lips I’ve been kissing,
Drier than the driest lips,
   stealing all my love…

     —all the long stemmed roses
    Even her warmth, missing…

   So different,
      From our start.

Then, they used to sparkle,
Then, they used to shine
     her lovely velvet lips
   painting crimson mine.

I used to adore that smile,
I used to love that laughter,
     Redder than blood—

   —No hue was ever better.
Until I saw that color,
     on the lips of another man—

And now she lays,
   kissing my shoes on the floor…

And as I lean toward her face—

        —finally,

   her lips are blood red once more.

We're almost touching.
we were walking side by side,
you're talking about cabs in your hometown.
I can feel the gravity of your hand, calling my fingers
whispering "it's alright."

We're touching but not quite.
you held my shoulder to protect me from the passing cars.
and for the first time in a long while, I felt so fragile.
In this world where I find it hard even to breathe,
you believed me.

I almost said it.
All I need is one ounce of strength to tell you every single thing that I have ever felt about you.

I want to find home in your collarbones.
Would you be kind enough to let a stranger in?
I want to seep in your being because I'm cold.
The world is harsh and my cracks are aching.

Almost.

Here are the names of my lovers,
The women I sleep with, whom
I use, like they use me.
Spent, they discard me, for when their pleasure needs
Satiated, they climb aboard another man.

What they do not know,
Is that in my mind, in my ears,
everywhere,
I did not let them, or you go,
We are still romping,
For I
Take them as needed.

I need them all,
For my pleasure needs, like my unshaped heart,
Addictive, endless.

If your is name is here, I do not
Apologize.

Pink
Adele
Lilly Allen
Anna Nalick
Bess Rogers
Beyonce
Brandi Carlisle
Cat Power
Colbie Callait
Duffy
Eva Cassidy
Evanescence
Alison Sudol
Fiona Apple
Florence Welch
Grace Potter
Ingrid Michaelson
You
Joni Mitchell
K.D. Lang
Kate Nash
Kate Voegele
Leona Lewis
Lizz Wright
Madeline Peyroux
Marie Digby
Mary Wells
Norah Jones
Regina Spektor
Sara Bareilles
You
Sara Haze
Taylor Swift and Tracy Chapman
Tristan Prettyman
Vanessa Carlton

So many others, used so long ago, I can't remember the faces,
Which can't be googled.

Use them hard, use them often, more than daily.
Bluntly, I tell you
Your name is on my list,
Even if I do not disclose it.

He is my light
Oh sorry
Was my light
The light that guided me in my darkest moments
Ever since he died
I have been veering off away from my path
Veering away from loved ones
Changing my self to cope with pain
Veering away from friends
Locking my door
Not drinking or eating
Hoping those nights
Were my last
Sulking in my bed alone
While my fears surround me
Ignoring the pain
But when I cry
It all comes out
The memories come flushing in
Like hurricane Katrina
But faster and more violent
Since Richard is gone,
I am all alone

He used me
Making me think he loved me
Make me think that I loved him.
He railed me in with his words,
Building my trust.
I shouldn’t have done it,
I shouldn’t have said yes.
I should have known to him in just an object to look at,
Bringing my self confidence more down then it already is.
He used me for “makeup material”.
He just looks at me like my body is just something you buy.
But when he told me I was “beautiful”,
I knew it was fake.
I could see the white lies he was telling me.
Saying “oh but I really do love you”
That wasn’t like him.
I should’ve known that he was telling my white lies,
Telling me stuff I want to hear
Telling me pretty little lies.
Like a thieving serpent.
Comes quietly and bites giving you venom.
The venom of fake love.
When he texted me telling me what happened,
I cut all my hopes and dreams away.
He told me “Don’t cut of me im not worth it”
But to me he was my everything.
I helped him off the ground when his spine was acting up.
I held him when he was scared.
I set him on the couch making sure he was okay.
But in the end he was just using me.

“Tell me”
Everyone thinks that ill talk when im sad,
But thats not the case.
I wanna be alone.
At the time I need to be alone.
I would just like for people to stop saying,
“Tell me”
“Explain”
“Why?”
“Why did you do it?”
I just need the world to stop,
Make all my worrying fade,
Make all my insecurities denigrate
Make all my problem go away.

Tales strung with cobwebs
We want sparks
We try on hats
Poorly chosen

Reflective surfaces
New awareness
Poor form
Do they know
Powder room visits

Recalling lists on websites of
Foods to avoid
Habits they like
Traits you want
Times to act
Oh God
Please don't

Nothing to lose, all in
And all of that.

Head bowed
Nails dug in
Free of stealth
Spill.
And spend the night
Regretting your guts
Took so **** long.

A world of information
And I force ignorance
A wealth of answers
I skip class

This crowd of fans
I regret joining
This pile of dishes
I entertain starving
Endless color
Only one eye sees
We're certain to suffer
Ground coffee and teeth.

Current events
I should learn music
Mission critical
I can stay decent
The world stage
I hate theater
Grocery store small talk
Ask me something real.

A question of ethics
Always too easy
But every turn of a page
Still moves me 3 spaces
Leave me alone
I just need connection
But the clearest of thoughts
By ignoring my driver.

Moral panic
It happened so fast
Give to charity
All figured out.

Keep your head down
Chin lit by my phone
Mr. Good Employee
Call in late if it suits
Works well under pressure
And nowhere else
Appreciation, respect
More things to neglect.

A global economy
That troubling phrase
Where capitalism ends
Idealism fails
Save your pennies
The way out is in
Play your position
I'll quit the game
The simple life
Got confoundingly deep.

i want you if
even for the
shortest moment
of time
even if knowing
our hellos
will also be
goodbye.

i want
you

to hold me.