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872 · Jul 2015
silence.
idkwhoiamanymore Jul 2015
From time to time, I get told I'm very quiet, and my response is a shy smile and a shrug. But on the inside, a conflict arises. The frustration is overwhelming, I scream but not a sound is made. They say actions speak louder then words, but if that is the case, who do they only pay attention to the two words I say, which are "I'm okay.?"
817 · Jan 2016
Never Good Enough.
idkwhoiamanymore Jan 2016
You look at your reflection miserably.
What is wrong with me?
You stare at your body in horror.
Do I need to be thinner?
You're not fat you tell yourself firmly.
You just need to be a little bit thinner.
It would make you a little bit prettier...
Then maybe I'll be good enough for them...
You get comments on how good you look...
Your clothes that were once snug, are now hanging off
But its still not good enough.
You hide yourself under makeup and baggy clothes,
coming up with excuses for why you look so sick.
Bones start jutting out,
hair starts falling out..
People start to worry,
but no one noticed before it was too late..
Friends try to help,
but the desire is far too strong.
"I'll never be good enough."
idkwhoiamanymore Sep 2016
I suspected something was happening when you started to change.
You let me think I was crazy for being on the path of truth.
"Ignorance is your best friend, I guess."
"Forever and always", you told me.
How long did it take for you to realize that a river of lies was flowing from your lips?
We were two broken pieces of stone,
losing more of ourselves around each other.
Beating each other too death.
We kept on fighting, but held on to each other anyway.
Wearing thin,
the river of your lies, and betrayals completely crushed what we had.
We held on, but the river beats the rock eventually.
And now...I am merely dust.
273 · Jan 2019
Puzzle Pieces
idkwhoiamanymore Jan 2019
Sharing is Caring They Say
So I Gave Away Everything
I Loved and Lost
Letting Lovers Take Away
Things Most Important to me
You Took Away My Ability
To Love, to Trust
Stripped me of my Dignity
And Left me With Nothing
But Heart Ache and Pain
I am a Puzzle
With Pieces Missing
Look at me
You won't be able to Understand me
I feel like I'm empty
Who I am is no Longer Clear to me
but what I'm fighting to realize is that
I am in the Process
Of Healing
And Finding new Pieces
I Won't take Away from Others
I can't do the same thing they did to me
I will make myself better
I will be stronger
I'll be free from who I used to be
Don't look at me
I am a puzzle
for nobody but me
271 · Nov 2015
Confessions.
idkwhoiamanymore Nov 2015
I'm sorry I let you believe that I was just fine.. I wanted to just tell you everything that was on my mind, but as soon as I saw that smile on your precious face, it was impossible to say. I know now that it was a mistake. I didn't know it was possible to hate myself even more than I already do, but I found it out when I saw the tears streaming down your face. I confess that I lied to you, my intentions were stupid but I thought I was protecting you by keeping the truth from you. My precious baby, I'm so sorry for what I've done. I swear, I'll never bring a razor to my skin again if that means you'll be mine.
I found this from nine months ago, I broke a promise to my boyfriend but everything's okay now. I've stopped self harming and I'm doing a lot better. I'm still with this special person and he still helps me.
255 · Mar 2019
Double sided sword.
idkwhoiamanymore Mar 2019
Your love is my drug.
Your love has its highs
and its lows
one minute, I'm soaring high
E U P H O R I A
Then I'm falling \
D O W N D O W N D O W N
you pick me up
just to throw me down again
your sweet words caress my soul
then they cut deep
the words I'm dying to say
come bleeding out
but I patch them up
before you can hear my pain
I caused you pain
I'm not allowed to feel it anymore
you say you love me
then you say you don't know if we're meant to be
I want to set you free
I want to never let you go
why do I have so many confusing feelings?
Can you see the pain I'm hiding? \
Is the resentment in your eyes towards me?
Why are you even still with me?
time and time again
I hurt
but can't let you go
you hurt
but you won't let go
why won't you let go?
do you love me?
do you hate me?
do you feel both?
one day you're warm and safe like a blanket
wrapped around me softly
next day you're pushing me away
yet you're burning me like the sun
melting all the layers
deep in my insecurities
you pull out everyone
224 · Jan 2016
.
idkwhoiamanymore Jan 2016
.
Depression and anxiety plot against me,
making my own mind the enemy.
Making it hard to sleep.
No rest, just tossing and turning.
I lie on my back and stare at my ceiling.
Stuck with my thoughts and dreams.
When morning finally comes,
I simply get up and force myself to get through the day.
195 · Jun 2019
My Sunshine
idkwhoiamanymore Jun 2019
My Sunshine
You make my life so bright
Before you
It was always night
Nothing felt right
but then you came along
and held me so tight
I swear I felt sparks fly
For the very first time
I started to enjoy being alive
You always have the ability
to make me smile
even when I have tears in my eyes
I can always count on you
to make me see the light
My sunshine
the love of my life
116 · May 2019
...
idkwhoiamanymore May 2019
...
your eyes.
your eyes are the key to everything
my guarded heart, my caged soul.
a strange sensation comes
i can feel it in my belly
i thought it was butterflies
but it was gasoline spreading
like a moth is drawn to a flame
you reeled me in
and leaned in for a kiss
as our lips meet
a flame engulfs me
you doomed me from the start
the inevitable breaking of my heart
82 · Feb 2020
Your body is a temple
idkwhoiamanymore Feb 2020
They say your body is a temple
Mine is a war zone
Hormones raging through me
I let bad people invade my body
I put harmful substances in it
I puke my food out
my body is a war zone
I want to be let out
please set me free.

— The End —