why did you leave? Last time was bad enough,
he broke my heart,
even though he
never should have had it

Why can't you be online?
i* miss you and I
love you more than
life

You might never think of me, I might be the cloud
Over you head or maybe the monster
Under your bed

Reality is hard
enough with you, but now wherever I
turn there's darkness
Until you
Return my world is gray when you come back I will
never let you go again
*?

Don’t tell me being numb
hurts less than a scar.
Don’t tell me feeling nothing
hurts less than a bruise.

After a while nothing
is, but not caring
turns to more pain
than you can imagine.

The only reason not to feel
is because of pain.
I’m told to feel nothing
because words don’t hurt.

Words hurt more than anything
the names I was called
changed who I was
and still hurt now.

You may say it once
but I repeat it.
over and over
until I believe it.

It turns to reality
my whole life story
'till it’s all I see
when I think of me.

And you can say it’s me
who picks up that knife
to hurt myself
but it’s not my fault.

It’s your words
that lift that knife.
And it’s your words
that put it in my arm.

And it’s your words
that I repeat
as I search for death
in everything.

It’s your words
that make me hate me.
And it’s your words
that made me this way.

Your words
take the form of a knife.
The knife that hurts me,
The knife I now need.

And I stand here
wondering how
you could possibly
not know.

Am I really that good
at pretending I’m fine?
that the words you’re saying
aren’t cuts in my arm?

Or is it just
that you don’t care?
That I’m really a no one,
just like you said?

Because to myself
I’m just your insults.
I’m just what you call me,
a person to hate.

All I am is your cruel words.

I reload the page
And smile
Because Andy
Replied to me.

Now you might think,
Oh, you're in love,
But no, I'm not,
He's just a great friend

Andy is kind
Andy is amazing
Andy makes me smile
And makes me laugh

Andy, I just want to say,
Thank you so much
For making me laugh
For helping me smile

You are the best friend
I could ask for
I hope we stay friends
Forever

Thank you so much for everything Andy

I have no doubt you're in heaven right now. if prayers can help a soul that was already unscarred I alone would have already saved your soul forget about everyone else. So if you read this from heaven, I love you. You deserve this buddy. I'm glad you finally were able to fly without the limitations of our earthly forms. I may do one final person with wings, just for you, because all the beautiful colors yours would be amaze me just the way your soul and poetry did. I'll save it and frame it because I never want to forget you. And I will move on because you wouldn't want me to waste my time crying over you, but I will also have some days where I just curl up and cry because you are my best friend and I lost you to the void of death no one living can breach. Honestly though I would never erase a moment of talking to you. I  would do this all again in a heart beat oh Andy if you can read this I would do everything again. Except I would meet you sooner and talk to you more so we could have more time. R.I.P Andy, you will live on in our hearts

Once a wise person said "if someone lives on in the hearts of men, he lives on." I think. If not, I just said it. And from what I can tell that's true. So Andy, though he may not have his physical body anymore, still lives, in the minds and hearts of all of us.  Andy lives on. We can repost his poetry and write poems in his honor. We will move on, but a part of us died with Andy, and part of him lived with us.

I think Andy is talking to me, or his spirit watches me, or something because I have the inexplicable urge to just address the air around me as if it were him. I want to talk to it, interact with it, ask it questions and say what I never got to say to him to it. Call me crazy but I want to talk to Andy. And I feel like he's listening.

Our angel has gained his wings. While we grieve, parts of us should rejoice, because Andy is in a better, happy place, and finally he can fly

Fly fast, fly far, fly anywhere.
We love you
Andy

Andy, Andy,
Our playlist of souls.
Why'd you have to go?
All playlists run out
But yours should go on
It should have been longer
Now it only echos in our hearts
The pleas,
Your cries that we never took seriously
Because we couldn't believe them
No
I'm Crying in math
Hyperventilating
No
The only thought in my mind
No
Not Andy
He had his rough edges
But I loved him
He was like my brother
He was a friend
I would've listened
I was there for him
I'd have help if he asked
If only we could go back,
Even one song,
I'd turn it around
He didn't need to die
Andy, please,
Rest in peace
We All Love You
You are in our hearts<3

In a word
I would describe
The way I see you
As beautiful

In one word
I would describe
The way I see me
As ugly

But then I realized
You're in my heart
So maybe my heart
Is beautiful

If my heart is beautiful
The am I beautiful?
Maybe I can be
If you love me too.

I looked up
Smiling like crazy
And I realized that maybe
I shouldn't write this
In the middle of math

They never realize
A single shoulder brush
Can send a girl's heart
Racing.

They don't know
A few words
Can make a girl's
Whole day

They never see
A girl's eyes light up
As the glance at her
From across the room

They never can tell
That what's to them just normal
Makes a girl's smile
Reappear

When your realize
You're better off without them
You're happier not talking,
You knew this was inevitable
But you delayed it
Made excuses
Not this time.
This time, they went too far
This time, what they did was inexcusable.
This time, even you can't excuse what they did
Blow it off
This hurt someone
This killed them
This is inexcusable
They tell you they hate you
For saying your opinion
And you smile,
That's when you know
This friendship is dead

I know you don't care
But goodnight,
Even though you'll stay up for hours
Talking to her.
You don't know how I envy you
You talk to the person you love
Every day
And every night.
Have a good time talking to her.
Value it
I know you don't care
Since it's coming from me
Good night

Don't tell me I can't be in love with him,
Just because it's online.
My boyfriend never said the word love when not referring to me.
He came back to me twice.
Tell me to my face I don't really love him
And I will prove you wrong.

Light green sunset
shines in my window
wherever you are,
Do you see the same sun?

The stars come out
one by one
some hidden by clouds
Do you watch them too?

And then the moon
the sky-ocean’s pearl
It shines on my house
Does it shine on you?

Worlds away
we watch the same sky
it reminds me of you,
Do you think of me?

When you see the sky
in all its beauty
the one thing we share,
Do you think of me?

I want to fade
Out of this world
Like the day
Fades into night
Slowly, calmly, peacefully
No. More. Pain.

Flip a coin and let it land
heads I’ll tell them everything
but as I watch it fall,
I pray for tails.
How could I explain?

It landed tails
It’s probably best
I’d never tell.
1 million heads
I never got the courage.

I want to tell them
but yet I don’t.
torn down the middle
what would I say?
I can’t decide

Flip a coin and let it land
heads I’ll tell them everything
I watch it land
heads up
maybe I’ll tell them this time.

But maybe I’ll flip it again.

Look at me.
Am I not a real, not serial killer thirteen year old girl?
Yes, I am real and I feel emotions and I love him.
So why can't he be real too?
Why can't there be a real, not serial killer sixteen year old guy out there?
One who feels emotions and loves me.
Yes, what if he's a serial killer, I've heard,
But what about this:
what if he's who he says?
Because despite all the what ifs
All those scenarios you make up
You never mention the fact that he could be real
If we call and video chat and talk all the time
Who are you to say what we have isn't real.
You keep your relationships in your way
But if you'real not going to support mine
At least just let me be.
There's an honest-to-goodness reall boy on the other side of that screen
And *I love him

Andy
Let me just tell you
That I...
I love you.
You're my best friend
I'd never want more
Then that.
You made me smile
For weeks we would talk and laugh and I would nearly get in trouble in math class just to see what you had to say.
You're honestly one of the best friends I could hope for, you showed me purpose when I believed there wasn't any
You don't know how my face and heart would light up when you replied to me
And though we haven't talked in a while I miss you
I'd get a plane ticket out to you and help you accomplish your dreams if I could
Remember when you said we could go live in Seattle and hire an actress to go to gym for me?
Remember?
And we could go to Kansas and you could teleport to get me?
Andy, please...
I know you have no control over it
Three weeks to live...
You deserve three eternities
I'd give them to you if I could
But I can't
No one can
Though I know we all would.
So live your life to the fullest
Use those three weeks to the max,
And never, never give up dear Andy
Fight for us
Fight for me
But don't give in
You
Don't
Have
To
Die,
But
Even
If
You
Do
You
Will
Live
On.

I have nothing to look forward to
I'd say December
But it won't be Christmas without you.
</3

I think I'll try and stay off the internet for the next week or so
I can try to be on at school
But not for very long.
So don't be alarmed
If I'm not here
And just in case I miss it
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Last night, I had a dream
I went to Kansas
And I saw you there
It was the best dream of my life

I woke up believing
I'd see you beside me,
Because in the dream,
We fell asleep together.

Why did I have to
Wake up to the reality,
You've been gone for four months,
And will be away much longer.

They Say they'll be there
But when you need them they ****
When a thing comes up about you
They ask others about it, not you.
They never mention it to you
They leave you out
They hurt you
They mock you
They betray you

*I'm done with "Friends"

What kind of friends don't even care when you want to **** yourself?
Love you guys too.

Always do my homework on time
2. Get all A's or A+'s
3. Write more
4. Get off the iPad and help mom and dad/explore the outside world
5. Scar free arms
6. No falling in love or crushes on anyone but my boyfriend
7. Learn when it's appropriate to hold on, but learn how to let go
8. 125 followers on hello poetry by the end of the year?
9. Be a tiny bit more social?
10. Somehow be able to talk to my boyfriend by the end of the year
11. Earn that ipad mini
12. Organize more and be cleaner
13. Learn how to stop procrastinating
14. Smile. The people around me it was beautiful and helped them smile when I smiled, so I will
15. Be a better friend
16. Read more
17. Improve people's lives, maybe save one?
18. Stop lying, it's okay to say that something hurts
19. Sing out in chorus more, participate more in class in general
20. Love myself

I love you more than there are stars in the sky
2. I'd send a post card to you dear, cause I wish you were here.
3. I love you. Forever. They can never take that away
4. When I think of you, I don't feel so alone
5. You are, and have always been, my dream
6. As many times as I blink, I'll think of you tonight.
7. This is falling for you when you are worlds away
8. Sometimes the only part of my life I'm sure of is the part I share with you.
9. ThunderXStarry since 8/14/12
10. You've been number one since the day we met
11. I wish I could cross my arms and cross your mind
12. Circle me and the needle moves gracefully, back and forth, if my heart was a compass you'd be north
13. Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall,
14. wherever you go if my heart was a house you'd be home
15. If I had one wish I'd wish for you
16. I'd walk the world for you
17. It's not going to be easy, but it is going to be worth it.
18. I'm amazed when I see you because I'm looking at everything I ever wanted
19. You see, there's this guy.... And he has my heart... And he's you.
20. Without you, I have nothing, but with you I have everything.
21. You are my world
22. Cute memories of you are what get me through rough days
23. I don't care what we talk about, I just want to talk to you
24. To the world you're one person, but to me you're the world
25. If I'm with you, I'm home.

I could have contact my boyfriend's parents through his uncle and risk finding out that either 1. He isn't who he says he is or 2. He can never talk to me again

Or I could wait it out, uncertain of if he'll ever come back to me but with hope

I don't know

Let me know if I ever improved your life or made you smile or brightened your day or anything.... I need to know I'm worth living for.

And you tell me to give that up.
You tell me he's not worth it
That he doesn't care
Well, let me ask you
If he never cared
Why'd he come back after loosing his computer because of me?
Why'd he keep doing everything to bring us together?
Why did he keep talking to me even though he'd get in trouble and he knew it?
Why'd he sneak on his xbox when his computer died?
Why'd he get up at five in the morning just to tell me he loved me?
Why'd he tell me so often how he loved me and I was the best thing in his life?
Why'd he talk to me?
If he never cared
Would he have had banners made for me?
Have never forgotten a special day?
Would he have repeatedly told me he didn't deserve me and I was the best mate ever?
Would he have said I was his world?
No.
He proved to me
Every day
He loved me
He cared more than anyone.
And you want me to give that up
Answer me this
Do you want me to die?
Because without him, I'd be a ghost
Trapped in myself.
Scared, hiding
Maybe even dead.
When you ask me to give him up
You're telling me to give up
My world
My hope
My dream
My love
My angel
My reason to live

So when you ask me to give him up,
Don't be surprised
When I say
HECK NO.

How do you get over someone who was so important?

How long, how long,
I check my watch,
and wait, feeling like,
though I'm complete,
I left my heart with you.

My heart is wrenched out,
every day,
while I'm away.
I daydream and sob,
mourning for the love I've left.

Your love, or what I think is love,
makes me want you more.
I want to see you soon,
I NEED,
Or I will lose my sense.

I cannot stay away much more,
I'd **** to see your face.
Even on my birthday,
I only have one wish:
for you to love me back.

How I'd use what they taught me,
Tally marks, straight lines,
They never have let me go through
They wouldn't have taught me it
one two three four slash

Instead of on paper,
Counting cereal,
I re-learn these skills
Straight lines on my wrist,
Tally marks on my heart
one two three four *slash

I know you all hate me
And wish I just stopped posting
And talking to you
And being around
Don't think I don't see the looks you give me
Or hear the whispers
I know you hate me
Think I'm insane
Yes, I am
Get over it
I'm a messed up kid
I cry in class
I get annoyed
I either do really well or really badly
I know I used to be the smart kid
But just because
You get a better grade than me
Doesn't mean you can shout it to the class
That you got a better grade than the smart kid
I have feelings too
I hurt too
I can be put down as easily
Maybe even easier
Than you
I'm not the best
I write
I sing
I'm smart
But you don't care
Because I'm overshadowed
And the only thing you care about
Is laughing at me
Or being better than me
Well, I get it
Quit bragging
*it hurts

Whatever I say, someone takes it wrong
Whenever I defend myself, people tell me I'm stupid
I get ignored by everybody
And so, I've decided,
I give up
So hate on me all you like
Tell me in the comments
Message me if you don't want everyone to see
But tell me how you hate me
And my poetry's awful
And I'm just a stupid child
Who doesn't know anything
And hasn't got any right to hurt
Tell me again
Not like I'll care
Because I hear it enough
But right now,
From today on,
As long as I live
Which may not be very long,
*I GIVE UP

I can't listen to a love song
Without relating it to you or us

But every time I check my email I still have a faint hope that maybe you emailed me?
Listening to our song and thinking of you during class love.

I need you
I want you with me
now and forever
to be by my side

We have a chance
it might work
We might see each other
as we’ve always dreamed.

I can’t imagine
I’d love it so much.
I want it to happen
I hope it will

If it does
If I see you there
wherever it is
it’s home.

And despite all the longing
despite all the pain
If I see you I’ll be complete
If our eyes meet, I’ll be home.

If I’m with you, I’ll be home.

Any advice on how to tell them so they'll freak out less?

Or should I not?

Because I'm not
Honestly, I'm sort of glad.
I'm just saying
We all make mistakes
And you made a huge one
And maybe I shouldn't have been so blunt
Maybe I should have been nicer about it
But you should've been too
I just wanted to say
I don't hate you
I'm just not your friend
And that was inevitable
So I wrote this
Just to tell you
I'm not saying I'm sorry,
That would be a lie
I just wish it didn't have to be so harsh

(I know my day isn't as bad as yours, neither is my family, but please don't make me feel worse.)
Okay so I've been sick for the past three weeks, not anything that shows just nausea. I told my mom and for some reason my whole family thought it would be extremely funny to laugh at me for being pregnant. FYI I am thirteen and have never dated a boy in my state. They all know this could never happen, but for some reason they decided to all mock me because of it. When I ask them for help they don't help. My mom nearly made me walk to school on streets that were so icy I couldn't go ten feet without slipping, even on the grass. My friends pushed me away and seemed annoyed with me. I snapped at everyone. I have a ton of make up work that I have to do. My dad cares more about my grades then if I'm sick or not. My brothers found out I'm scared of them and are using it to make me feel even worse. My friend yelled at me, then got even more upset when I couldn't answer for five minutes, and told me she hated me. Right now I have one friend telling me I'm worth surviving but a whole army of people in my head screaming "DIE!" On top of that all I still feel horribly sick and nervous and stressed and just overall depressed. No one believes me or seems to care about me and I don't know why I should live anymore. So if this is good bye then I love you all, but it probably won't be because I could never finish anything anyway, another reason why I'm a ***** up. Well, good bye guys. Maybe.

Today
At my friend's house
And I talked to him
For the first time
In a while
And though my heart beat
Just a little bit faster
I'm almost sure
I'm over him

How you've been gone
3 months
And I might have never crossed your mind
But I can talk about you
For an hour
And have told that person
Almost nothing
About You,
We,
And Us.

Last Visit: September 3rd
Replied to this topic July 19th

why don't you talk to me?
I give you messages, loyalty, love
You gave me a broken heart

Last Visit: September 3rd
Replied to this topic July 19th

You never post anymore
You never come online
I wait for you, still hoping

Last Visit: September 3rd
Replied to this topic July 19th

No emails, no phone calls, no posts on the forums
You make me feel abandoned
You used to make me feel loved.

Last Visit: September 3rd
Replied to this topic July 19th

They tell me to give up on you
I tell them I would die.
But what cause do I have to wait for you?

Last Visit: September 3rd
Replied to this topic July 19th

Every day, I wait for you
Staring at my screen
Because one day you'll come online

Last Visit: Now
Replied to this topic Today

Long Days
Without him
Days I dread
And want to miss

Long days
Stretch ahead
Days I fear
Days without him

Long days
Stretch behind
Days spent crying
Days without him

Long days
Fill my life.
Can't I just skip
These long days?

Long distance
1500 miles
44 days to walk
Who cares?

If you love me
As I love you
We're not apart
Despite the the miles

We are together
Together at heart
Distance matters to minds
But hearts don't care

We fell in love
Long distance
We'll stay in love
Long distance

Our hearts are together
Though we're far apart
Though we fell in love
Long distance

What kind of crazy loyalty
Does my boyfriend have?
It just struck me yesterday
How loyal he must be.

To wait three months
For the girl who made you wait,
Though it was her fault?
That's loyalty.

I step off the plane
Into the terminal
After scanning the crowd,
I put my head down
And head to baggage claim.

I wait as I look
Up at the board
And I hear a voice
Behind me asking
"Hello, do I know you?"

I turn around
And stare him in the eyes
For the first time
I see my love in real life
And I can only smile

When I recover,
I look up at him and say
"I don't believe so.
Nice to meet you,
I'm your other half"

Laughing, he hugs me close
"Hello, other half.
Funny, weird name,
You look like a Caroline,
Or maybe a Starry"

I laugh and just smile,
Then, pulling away,
I look up at him
Look in his eyes,
And tell him
"I love you"

Set a flower free
watch it float on the breeze
float, fly away,
blow to him

A flower a day
pointless routine
they don’t reach him
The never will

He won’t get my flowers
won’t know they exist
Yet I do it again
I have to have hope.

Hope that my flowers
will reach him one day
after weeks, months,
of journeying.

Set a flower free
watch it float on the breeze
float, fly away,
blow to him

Wind, blow my flower to him.

**** me now, please

Valentine's Day
And now I have back
The person I love
my reason to smile.

It's been a long time
5 months without you
but it felt like forever
without reason to smile

Then came that day
friday the 14th
My lucky day I guess
I got back my reason to smile

I now have my light
after months of darkness
for you came back,
My reason to smile

Is it even possible
to write out my happiness?
if it is
There's not enough paper.

Valentine's Day
And now I have back
The person I love
my reason to smile.

You are my reason to smile<3