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 Dec 2015 Thomas Holzapfel
MS Lim
Love hates excuses
explanations it loathes to entertain
it stands resolute and hits back
'  Stop talking--not again!'

How love suffers
when vows are not kept
it knows the bitterest pain
and weeps-- alone and bereft
nil
They don't know how it feels

to awake every morning,
and all they can wonder is
why they had even awoken

They don't know how it feels

to pick up all of their pieces,
and put them back together
but still feel like they're broken

They don't know how it feels

to say all that they can say,
and still feel like there's more
but every word has been spoken

They don't know how it feels

to go to sleep every night,
and the only hope they have
is that their eyes will not open

©
I wish I could break
I wish I could let myself
Fall to pieces
And shatter

But pride
Is a stubborn thing
And it drags me along
Holding the shards together
Convincing each one
That it matters

And that dulling the edges
Against each other
Is worth it
Until I’ve finally become
Numb
To mindless chatter

-
*Sometimes I feel like the Mad Hatter.
 Nov 2015 Thomas Holzapfel
Mari
Hugs
are silent cures

For mending hearts
and broken minds

When you can’t
find the words

Sometimes,
hugs speak
louder than
words.
When I was a child, I was told the story of my Grandfathers mother she was a refugee from mother Russia.
He told me that we were no longer considered white that is a luxury.
And we have become subhuman in most places.
We were either locked behind iron walls to be kept in or out.

He told me how they sacked and burned our villages.
Then they proceeded to chase us on horseback, with swords pointed too the distant future.

She was led to the nearest boat, headed towards The Land Of Opportunity.

At the island she was locked away for Tuberculose and possibly Lice
When leaving she refused to put an X for her name for obvious reasons.
So she signed ****.

Years later I found out, she had opened a pawn shop down south.
In what now is the forth most segregated area in the states.
She sat outside with a shotgun in a rocking chair and windows barred.
when there King died.

Sadly, the last thing remembered by my Papa's mother including my family is a fist fight.
In Santa Barbra.
I saw the look of panic and pain on her despondent face.
At this point that look was a common occurrence in my day to day life.
Hence, the reason I wasn't allowed at the funeral.
I was locked away at another rehabilitation center.
For crimes I had of course never committed

Since then I have not laid any tulips or morning prayers.
There's always that one guy.
The one who makes you stop in your tracks.
The guy you think about.
When another starts to slack.
He makes you fall in love so fast.
You never really see.
That you're in love with a monster.
The monster he can be.
But you love him.
He can't be bad in any way.
You're crazy about him.
You'd choose him every day.
You'll wait for years,
To get your chance at forever.
Only to find out,
You're waiting for never.
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