I've been real low
I'd never **** myself though
I've seen the light
And the future look bright

I've been high as a kite
I smoke blunts all night
It's the only way I won't feel so tight

I've come to far to end it now
I'm going to live, and I know exactly how

I will live every day like its my last
And I will not be held down by my past

My throat always tightens or burns when someone asks if I'm okay
Of course, "I'm fine, I'm great," is what I tend to always say
But my mind can't seem to forget what happened that day

The screaming and hate I saw in your eyes always brings me to the same question, 'Why'?
I still remember our last goodbye
When all you gave me was the evil eye
Without a word I walked on
Wondering what would happen, to the black swan.

What you were supposed to be,
Was someone who was there for me,
I wonder what our friendship would be,
If you didn't run off and flee,
That **** stung me like a bee,
You burned me to a third degree.

How come I never left,
We were always fighting, always out of breath  
It felt like I was living around death.

****,
I should have left.

You're a strong little girl
And your going to rule the world
You look beautiful with your natural hair curled
Your little eyes have seen a lot
You heard your parents, and oh how they fought and they fought
Your brother is learning, and he is just as strong as you
Your partners in crime and I love you two

What is a friend?
Someone who will be there until the end?
Weren't we supposed to blend?
Was I only a trend?
I still miss my best friend
Even after all the pain
Even after you treating me like a game
Even after you made me feel half insane
So what was the aim?
You created the flame
Why did you hurt me like that?
You turned out to be the rat
And I won't ever forget that

You are not a friend.

I miss you sometimes
But only around bedtime
When my brain can't stop thinking
I wonder why you kept drinking
I wonder how this came about
Who led you down this route?
Who turned you into this
How'd you fall into this bottomless abyss?
How did this fall into my hands?
How did I fall under your command?
I'll continue to miss you
And the days will still feel blue
Knowing there's nothing that I can do

I am the shot that misses
I am the furniture you stub your toe on
I am the spam email
I am the Junk mail
I am the gum you accidently step in
I am the cramp you get while running
I am the slow Wi-Fi
I am the person who never made it
I am everything you hate

Blunt in my mouth
Ash on the ground
Cant feel anything
Cant hear a sound
The world around me
Has begun to blur
As I hear your voice start to slur
That look in your eyes
That I've always hated
Shows me your intoxicated
I stay up at night
Listening to the fight
In hope that things will turn out alright
These things have scarred me in no other way
I don't know you anymore and that's sad to say.

I can see it in her eyes
when she comes creeping in.
She's been somewhere she promised me
she'd never go again.
She thinks that I won't know it.
She thinks that I can't tell.
She forgets how many times
she's put us through this hell.   
She's sitting right beside me,
but She's not really there.
There mothers slowly dying,
Killing herself without a care.

If it was a year ago today, and you had texted me,
Like you did I would have wanted to try and fix our friendship.
But i’ve come to terms with the fact that we can't.
I cant, i should say, it had always been a one-sided effort.
I used to always  fall into that hole of “hope.”
Hope that we could rebuild things,
Hope that our friendship wasn’t completely over
But I don’t think i can keep falling into that hole because it’s gotten so small i can barely feel the hope anymore.
The feeling now is so small that i don’t want to rebuild, only to crash again.