if you were to rise
against the lashes
your spine bears
witness to.i know you
could burn the cities -
echoing enslaved
cries of your mother. or,
the cities tainted in
red, with the blood
of your father.

but, you don't.

for you know what it's like to lose
what you love.




(such is your love for a city that turned into rubble everything you
ever loved)

do you see how you destroyed
the ruins of an eccentric critter
making use of what's left

she was trying to rebuild a city
during the weekday hurricane
that never stopped
it just gets stronger and stronger

do you know what kind
of critter i am? do you have an idea
of how i adore the horizon
and how i loathe its existence
for i lost during its time

of how i loved staying up at 3am
but it haunted me after september?
you wouldn't know what's hidden
beneath the cracks of my white walls
or under my soiled sheets

i am a detonated bomb
an overflowing dam of heartache
or an active volcano
that could no longer be contained
but i have creative ways
to make room for more

you don't know what's under my bed
and how it scares me every night
you don't know how i tried to love
everything that's left
you don't know how i fought
the whirlpool in the green lake
and you would never know
how i swam against the current

i thought you were my other half
an extension of my left limb
and both legs
but it was on my list
of infinite regret

the city was fine
until you decided to stay
causing havoc
and midnight witchcraft
that makes the night wolves
howl in the full moonlight

but, do you see it?
we just lost a paramount element
in the parallel connection that we have
and dear, im afraid we might lose that, too

the most crucial thing
in every existing connection
in the boundless hoop
would be time

it could start and end
if it wants to  
it wouldn't care and pause
for your overflowing
blob of emotions
drowning your lungs
along with your organs

let me tell you,
i was a victim of time too
but oh, there are things
you don't deserve to know
anymore

you were there on his last night
and was there on the night
we stumbled upon
an unfamiliar house
the creatures were making
a peculiar sound
it was the strange place we inhabited
for as long as we could be brave

you were with me when i lost a limb
you saw grief and tropical storms
right through my eyes
you heard words come out
of my mouth, they were all
in past tense and shaky

the best four years a teenager could have
i have spent them with you
i gave you my trust, my blood
and our promises
you met the 3am version of myself
which i believed that is ours
only to keep

i could not fathom the grief
of losing a limb
nor the grief
of seeing our strange house
collapse right in front of me
but the concrete was made of trust

you contended that you were here
to extend succor, immediate aid
to a grieving soul, to your friend
you came in crowds extending
sympathy as how i've seen it
little did i know that succor
meant pulling the trigger

when the tectonic plates
and the seismic waves
bends the buildings
and crumbles to the ground

when the tropical storm
named after me
pull the tress from its roots
floods the households
and all the different routes

or when your 3am uncertainties
scare you, and you would howl
and howl and howl
but who will you run to?

it was almost two decades ago
when you looked down
at me from the glass window
i was hours old

yesterday i looked down at you
and read your head stone
i am nineteen years old

it was hail
and there were
chunks of ice
down the road

the glass were covered
with moist  
i wrote a love letter
hoping the sun
wont wipe it away
i want you to read it

the orb of the night
was the only source
of light
brighter than
your headlights
which you never turned on

but before you even escape
the nightmare
think about me
because in the end
the blame will always be
on me