a scary feeling i feel when you're sleeping
my heart tightened as a scene formed in my head:
you, with a bag, walking out that door.
you tell me you do not want me anymore.

i've loved, fought, then lost, left alone
i begged, and i begged, but they just went home.
rather crash at a wall, rather die in a war,
than stay and be sorry for a creep creeping their arms.

and if like them, you walk away,
i'd scream your name 'til i go insane
'til the tears stream down my eyes,
'til the tears occupy my face
i don't think they'd ever run dry,
from the day that you say good-bye.

so my one request, whisper in my ears,
remind me you're okay with a boy like this,
a boy this weak,
a boy like me.

give me peace,
write me a letter,
kiss me on the lips
or push me on the bed,
tell me i'm the one you're after
have your nails bite my neck,
as you make my eyes water.

the next day, you called me, i've never felt so happy
my heart loosened as i heard you saying
you'd illustrate my fears and draw them funny faces,
and that no amount of crazy thinking could ever make you leave
a boy like this,
a boy this weak,
a boy like me.

but it was all in my head.

never been so unsure,
all i need is a little more time.
no, i'm not walking out that door.
no, i don't know.

i'm a sinner with no trace,
when did the rush fade away?
when did i think you were a mistake?
no, i'm your mistake.

i'm yet to see your eyes,
will its spark outshine my pride?
you're yet to prove your lies,
wait, no, i'm the lie.

my mind keeps on changing
i've some trouble breathing
it's not a beautiful feeling,
when you're guilt keeps on knocking.

what do i do with you?
what do i do with me?
i have never intended to hurt somebody.

i am a gun, i don't run out of ammo.
you're a good target, i just can't let you go.
what i'm about to do, i'm afraid it would hurt you.
so before i shoot, just hide.

don't take a breath.
don't fight.

please know i'm thinking of your heart,
but i gotta think of mine too.

you're no trouble, no goner,
you're just playing the wrong beat.
you're no elephant in the room,
you're just dancing the wrong move.  

they got your photo for display
they must've mistaken your face.
if you think you're dead today,
it's just the start of the race.  

so get up, get up, get up
no broken bones must stop you now.
heads up, heads up, heads up
it's time to press play again.  

go and wear your crown,
go and see the crowd,
let them know that you're around,
make them kneel to the ground,
you're the king of this town.

do they know the pearly whites hide underneath the yellow stains?
do they know that every villain is the star of his own **** play? 
do they even realize you fought your battles for them?
even realize they just sit when you stand up for them?
but they get the glory,
not even feeling sorry.  

it's funny how your story is getting out of control.
you think that you are winning, but then you lost your throne.
you congratulate them on your big, fake smile,
and then you comfort yourself when you sleep at night.

'*** for a second you thought you have everything:
got a pocket full of money, got the man of your dreams,
got a blanket for a cold, hard night, got the stars,
got the job that you want, got a seat in the park  

but then everything's gone when you wake up the next day
you're looking for a bed, but you have slept on the floor, hey,  
where are your clothes? why does your face wear blue?
there ain't no writings on the wall, but if there's one, it came true.  

there's a special place for the non-believers
i didn't say in hell, but you get the picture.
how are you gonna pull yourself together when the world pushes you down all the time?

you're lost in the wild
you don't know where you are,
you don't know what to do,
so you're dying in the dark.

you're looking for a trace
you're looking for a place,
but all you get is this maze
you should've seen your face
you got burned, got cornered
no turns, just liars.

and when you try to seek out the exit,
you find the monsters in your closet
smiling, waiting, hungry to dive in
you can run, but you can't hide
you can try, but you'll be found

so you're lonely in the streets,
you've been sleeping there, no sheets
you're looking for a mirror, looking for a lover,
looking for a mother, looking for a savior,
but you're alone, child.
but are you lone, child?
are you gonna cry now? be brave child.

the time is ticking
this game you're playing,
it's never ending,
but try to win it.

you say you're fine,
but you hope with fright.
you curse your life,
cuz it's killing you with pride.

the door is open,
but the sign says closed
your heart is breaking,
but you got no one to hold.

so you hold onto your dreams:
bright, and thriving lights, NYC
but is it worth it? can you chase it?
can you catch it? or miss all of it?

you sit in the corner of the bed
you're thinking about life, you're thinking about death
you're thinking about your friends, you're thinking about your family
when you thought of yourself, you thought of yourself lastly.

you sit and think about living
what to do to learn? what to do to earn?
how to keep up the pace?
how to dance in the rain?
and why are you lonely in this sick, crazy game?

so you wake up in the streets
the air is warm, so you smile, and you breathe
looking for dime, looking for a rhyme,
looking for more time, looking for your prime

looking for a flower,
looking for a paper,
cuz that is what you're best at:
painting words then you're a goner.