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Sep 2016 · 471
Tee Jay Sep 2016
cheek-gnawing, knuckle cracking, fear inducing fear.
school, work, life, death;
don't sit too long, you'll start thinking.
work, always work,
work until you can't work anymore.
work until the fingers can't feel and your thoughts quiet down.
always keep busy
keep tapping your foot, bouncing your leg;
twist the ring once more.
nail marks in your palm,
heartbeat in your ears.
don't look them in the eyes.

the moment when your mood isn't just one feeling,
but every single emotion flowing through your veins at once.

the moment when you wonder if the world around you
can hear your rapid pulse
or smell your insecurity.
like a wolf stalking its prey,
to use its words, its fangs
tearing into your skin,
your disastrous mind.

the moment when you forget how to breathe
when breathing is what you need to do most.
Rough draft. Not finished I don't think. Meant to be spoken-word.
Sep 2014 · 817
The girl
Tee Jay Sep 2014
No one could ever love
a girl with scars.
She's so ugly,
they just make her look
as broken on the outside
as she is on the inside.
She's already dead on the inside.
The forced smiles
and broken laughter...

She was the girl with
the drunken father and
the depressed mother.
The dysfunctional family.
The abusive brother.
The family of bullies.

She was the one who,
no matter how much she tried,
could not ignore it.
The girl who
sliced into the flesh
just to feel something.
Sep 2014 · 691
My Love
Tee Jay Sep 2014
You, my love,
Give me butterflies.
Since the day we met,
Every time I logged on,
They would do a
Dance around my stomach.

These butterflies, though,
Are not the kind I get when
I have to talk in front of the class .
These butterflies are the beautiful kind.

You, my love,
Make my heart race.
When you say those
three special words,
It beats faster and faster
And the excitement spreads to my face
As my lips curl into a smile.

This smile, though,
Is not the one I put on for
The people at school.
This smile is genuine happiness,
A smile which I rarely see anymore.

You, my love,
Are just that.
My love.
I love you.
Aug 2014 · 989
Three words
Tee Jay Aug 2014
There are three simple words
that can make me,
that can break me.
Three words that
anyone can say.
The speaker of those words
immediately has power over me
as soon as the words
leave their lips.
The words are not
I love you,
**** your self.
three words; **** your self.
two words; **** yourself.
an acronym; kys.
Six months ago,
you could've said that to me
and I would have been
I would cry
and scream
and maybe even try.
Today, however,
you could say those words to me,
and I will smile.
I will smile with confidence.
I will smile with sadness,
because you think it is a joke.
For you cannot tell me what to do.
You cannot bring
me down that easily.
I will laugh
because you think
you can hurt me.
Your petty little words
will not even phase me.
Go ahead and joke,
but I will never
say those words to anyone.
You never know
when someone will
take you seriously.
idk where that was going...just feel strong today :))))))
Jul 2014 · 885
Thank the Sun.
Tee Jay Jul 2014
We take things for granted.
Everyone tries to appreciate things more.
Money, life, family.
But what about the simple beauty of a sunset?
The sun is appreciated when it arrives
after the rain is laid on the earth.
no one ever says thank you for a beautiful sunset.
The soft colors all melting into each other.
The sun has gifted us another day,
but you do not thank it at the end.
Next time you are watching the sunset--
on the beach,
in the office,
from your kitchen window.
Do not be sad because the day
has come to an end.
Just whisper thank you.
These basic words
hold a world of meaning.
Thank the sun for setting.
Do not take it for granted,
for one day,
it will all be gone.
Thank the sunset.
Jul 2014 · 518
I Saw Your Poem
Tee Jay Jul 2014
I saw your poem.
Those words of hatred.
I'm not getting the last dance.
Do I care?
Not so much.
You think your
clever use of words hurts me.
Your poetic way with words
used to put me in a trance.
Not anymore.
I tried to steal?
Not so much.
You love her?
Good, I'm glad.
She's one of my best friends.
I would never do that to her.
Go to hell.
You were so kind,
so charming.
I wrote a poem,
you left,
never to return.
This goodbye is certainly a good one.
I haven't thought about you
in a long time.
You wrote the poem two months ago.
Two months.
The first week was the only week
I actually cared.
Not so much.
goodbye old friend.
I hope to never see you again.
But if I do?
Don't say hello.
Don't apologize.
Don't even smile.
Just keep walking.
Walk away and don't look back.
You were able to do it online,
now just do it in real life.
I won't apologize.
I will walk on like you aren't there.
I will let it go.
I will smile to myself.
I will be proud to have let go.
you only had one chance.
You think it was me
who ruined the friendship.
It was really you.
You make her happy.
If you hurt her,
I will hurt you.
Her heart is fragile,
don't leave it in pieces.
Did you see my poem?
I hope so.
Read it carefully.
It's all you will get out of me.
Read this too--
Goodbye. Forever.
Jul 2014 · 322
Goodbye Love.
Tee Jay Jul 2014
Like a stab in the heart
it leaves you bleeding.
You fade into the night.

The killer walks away,
wiping the excess love
from their hands.

You let them in.
Their shadow remains
but the love that was once there
has vanished.

You swear to yourself
that you will never again
be so vulnerable.
So stupid.

Like the words of a catchy song,
they are forever imprinted
on your brain.
Their scent,
the way they smiled,
the way they whispered, I love you.
Jul 2014 · 534
Tee Jay Jul 2014
Society is a contradiction.
It is wrapped up in its
little white lies.

Girls should not hate themselves,
yet they are to fit the
impossibly high standards.
A coincidence
this is not.

Boys should be more sensitive,
yet they are judged and labeled
as babies when they show emotion.
A coincidence
this is not.

Boys should respect women,
yet when a girl is *****
it is her fault due to her actions.
A coincidence
this is not.

Women should never be hit by men,
yet women may hurt men
as they please.
A coincidence
this is not.

We are society,
and we have
greatly contradicted ourselves.
This is a huge knot.
One which we can
not undo.

Every single one of us makes up the mess
that is society today.
Jul 2014 · 397
Tee Jay Jul 2014
If today was your last day,
what would you do?
Jul 2014 · 354
The Story of the Waves
Tee Jay Jul 2014
The waves rush onto shore
as thoughts of you rush into my mind,
I listen
to the thoughts.
The waves are a background noise,
but they are louder than my thoughts.
I listen to the waves,
to the stories they have to tell.
They speak of the children.
They whisper about the people.
The children who play upon the shores.
The people who were once those children.
They miss those old children.
Where did they go?
Will they return?
The waves of this beach
tell a story of yearning.
A story of grieving.
Jun 2014 · 342
Tee Jay Jun 2014
How can this smile...trick them?
How can it hide a million tears?
       A thousand cuts?

How can it make them think everything is perfect?
How can it hide a world of pain?
       A mind of torture?
I just don't understand.
Jun 2014 · 1.1k
Tee Jay Jun 2014
A young girl of only nine years,
stands in the doorway as her mother disappears.
As she zooms down the road,
the girl wonders why.
Her sister explains,
as she begins to cry.

Her father is gone,
never to return.
The tears stream down her face,
and her eyes start to burn.

He had left them for good,
God took him back home.
Her best friend had vanished,
she was left all alone.

Her father is dead,
she will see him once more.
He will lay in his casket,
and be lowered into the floor.
On June 29th, it will be exactly 6 years since I lost my best friend. I was 9 years old.
Jun 2014 · 911
What the hell?
Tee Jay Jun 2014
What the hell did I just do?
I've finally done it.
Once everyone hears,
my barrier will be gone.

I made myself vulnerable.
Allowed them to hear my poetry.
My poetry,
which is mine.
My poems are for me.

Now they will all see my insides.
All the pain.
All the tears.

All the me,
which I did not want them to see.
All the me,
which I have spent years hiding.
All the me,
which no one wants to see.

I have finally done it...

Jun 2014 · 334
Tee Jay Jun 2014
No crying.
Not this time.

Your face will not be tear-streaked.
Your nose will not get runny.

You will smile.
You will act like it's ok.

It is ok, right?
Just words, right?

You will wait---oh yep, you're fine.
You can be weak no longer.

You are a warrior, right?
Warriors don't cry at simple words.

You will put up your barrier.
Nothing can break it down.

You will not break down this time.
You will go on as if nothing happened.
May 2014 · 3.0k
Tee Jay May 2014
Algebraic equations
and English lessons.
Another world war
and gene expression.

"You'll need this in life"
teachers lie to us all.
Get good grades
and don't get pushed around the halls.

School is jail.
They keep us locked up.
Our parents leave us for the day,
a small promise of safety is enough.
Eh. I have to have a collection of poems for English class. This is the first one.
May 2014 · 330
Tee Jay May 2014
"I ate a big breakfast"
he persuades them
that he is
not hungry.
He will not,
can not
He's lasted
so long.
26 days.
Not a morsel
of food
has passed
his lips
in 26 days.
Water is
and always
will be
the only substance
to enter
his body.

They ask when
he ate last.
He lies.
They can
see it in his eyes,
see right through
the lies.

They give
him a plate.
They sit
and watch
as he
pushes the
food around.

His mind,
the demons,
are attacking him
Don't eat it
You'll get fat

He notices
the demeaning stares.
He picks up the fork,
full of food.
He shoves it
into his mouth.
A disturbing,
yet lovely
crosses his tongue.
He is able to
expertly hide
the disgust and
horror from
creeping onto
his face.
He sits
with the food
in his mouth.
It's almost
as if
he had
how to eat.

he chews
and forces
the food
down his throat.
He swore
this would
never happen.

He chokes down
a few more bites
and indicates
he is full.
They look pleased
and let him go.

He immediately
runs to
the bathroom.
He empties
the contents
of his
newly full

He stands up,
a bit lightheaded.
The dizziness
takes over him.
He stumbles and
hits the wall
of the stall.
He quickly
leaves and
pops a piece
of minty gum
into his mouth.

He walks out,
right into
their stares.
They just
let it go.

He puts on
his fake smile
as he turns and
walks out.

Not a word
was said
about it
after that day.

Not a word
came out of
his mouth
after that night.
May 2014 · 618
Tee Jay May 2014
A beautiful soul,
destroyed by society,
and left to die.
She was unique.
She danced to her
own music.
They chastised her,
tearing down the wall.
Her bricks were
torn from the barrier.
The barrier she created,
to keep her alive.
They destroyed it;
now she's gone.
They tied a noose for her.
They pulled the chair,
slowly hanging her,
letting her fade into the night.
The day before
she turned 15,
was the last of
her days on Earth.
She would breath no more.
Love no more.
Slice her wrists,
They no longer have
a punching bag.

Her mother let out
a shrill cry,
as she entered her
only child's
room to wake
her for school.
To send her to
the torture chamber.
The place that
gently placed
the rope around
her neck.

Three days later,
she is buried.
Six feet down,
she is put in the ground.
The murderers
gather around the grave,
crying fake,
forced tears.
They have no remorse.
They have done their damage.
A beautiful soul,
destroyed by society,
and left to die.
May 2014 · 365
Tee Jay May 2014
Jealousy engulfs us,
like the clouds engulf the sun
on a stormy day.
A creature  of such elegance,
such grace,
it is  impossible not to stare.
Into love we fall,
into the deadly pit.
A dangerous pit,
but a lovely,
wonderful pit.
Falling in love is a dream.
before you splat,
you wake up,
and the so-called love
has disappeared.
Sometimes the fall,
the plummet to emotional death,
is a jump from a cliff,
down to safety.
Other times,
it is a leap of faith off
the top of a building.
The fall into love
is like the biggest trust fall.
Time after time,
trusting strangers with our hearts,
our souls.
We let them in
too soon.
All we see in them,
is the beauty,
which we fell in love with.
We are blinded
by the good we see.
Entrusting them with our lives,
it's a sin.
We know not our fate,
but our hopes and dreams.
Our lovers
give us life and **** us
all at once.
This is so random. I don't know where to go with it. I'm stuck. Any critiques or ideas would be greatly appreciated :)
May 2014 · 617
Tee Jay May 2014
I play for a season,
dribbling the ball,
rebounding and blocking.
The awards are received,
none given to me.
I had fun,
I am proud.
But that's not good enough.
I need an award,
a plastic trophy to prove that I'm worthy.
Mom says it's not fair;
my brothers and sister nod in agreement.

I had fun,
not you.
What does a stupid piece of plastic,
a flippin dollar-store prize,

Leave me alone!
stop yelling at me for it!
Okay, a bad one, but I needed to vent.
May 2014 · 428
One year.
Tee Jay May 2014
One year.
      Long sleeves.
            Constant worry.
                      Constant fear.
One year.
         Long nights.
                Constant hatred.
                        Constant tears.
One year.
           Long days.
                 Constant depression.
                        Constant agony.
A poem pertaining to my username.

— The End —