Air full of mist,
frozen trees and iced landscape.
Tiny droplets trickling down my face
Chill runs down my spine
Cotton candy fog fills my eyes

As I point ahead
to the massive, tall hill.
"That is the mountain I will move today"
Pulled down my gloves,
Shook of the brown rust,
It is an impossible journey
"and that is why I must"

I locked the door myself today,
The house was left alone.
I flipped all the switches
Folded the dresses and pants
The lights were turned off,
And off I went.

I stepped in the dingy elevator
Two posters on either side of the wall
There was an old man beside me
We both pressed zero.
in a minute I was on the ground floor.

In one hand I had my phone
The other held a glass bottle shiny
I waltzed to the near by station,
Slow paced, my eyes curious wide open

I looked at the people I passed,
I heard a thud and a terrifying crash
I prayed for everyone’s safety
The sun shined kindly
And gently I reached my destination
at last

It was different because I locked the door
By myself today, no one in the house.
I walked more responsibly
I smiled light frequently
I saw a dog leap
As I saw the cat pounce
I locked the door by myself today
I did not play any music,
I felt like the owner of the house

It was but brick and tar with beds inside
In my pocket I put the keys
If I had a pet I would wash it for fleece
If I had a kid, I would take them with me
If I had a lover, I would kiss them in their sleep
But today, it was just the house and me
I locked the door by myself today
And I stepped in to build a life for me.
I was set free.

When I was small
I wrote a song.
It was as wild
As it was long.

I did not know
How to write words
And so I sang
With the morning birds.

Now I am grown,
I am depressed.
I write long things
Just to impress.

I do not sing,
I only sigh.
When I was small
I was alive.

I thought I would text you

About the people who troubled you,

About the girl who called twice and texted
Just to gloat, made you feel rejected.

I thought I would text you

About how you are so much more

Than what they tell you or,

how they make you feel.
I thought I would text you
"You are so far above—

Your brilliance in surplus."

But I got lost.

In my own thoughts,

In my own insufficiency.
There was a violent pause.

I closed my eyes.
And 
all I remember is—I got lost.

In my own calculations,

of how I fall short

In everything I try.

I don’t try enough.

I never stretch my hands

For the stars or the sun.
I gritted my teeth;

Like ice, I got frozen
.
I tried to list my reasons,

make a report—

But I felt smaller than an ant,

And I got lost.

I nail my feet to the ground,

Afraid to think of the sky.

I don’t know how much

Of my fear is truth,
How much
a lie.

I was thinking about trying to save you.
With my words and small things I could do
But then I got lost—

in how everyone 
reaches higher heights,
While I just seem to be falling down.
Step by step

Thud, thud, thud.
Silence.