Cassandra

5d

Liana

The heart
Is not an *****
As many think

The heart is a muscle

Does the fact that mine was crushed far too often
Make it weak
Or make it strong?

I like to think that my dad will finally change for good, but he never does. What he does always manage to do though, is crush my heart. I don't know if that strengthened it or made it weaker, that's what this poem is originally based off of, but as always please interpret to who/what you please. :)

(This note was written by a scuba diving avocado named Zamio that was an expert swimmer)

Cassandra 6d

I locked the door by myself

I locked the door myself today,
The house was left alone.
I flipped all the switches
Folded the dresses and pants
The lights were turned off,
And off I went.

I stepped in the dingy elevator
Two posters on either side of the wall
There was an old man beside me
We both pressed zero.
in a minute I was on the ground floor.

In one hand I had my phone
The other held a glass bottle shiny
I waltzed to the near by station,
Slow paced, my eyes curious wide open

I looked at the people I passed,
I heard a thud and a terrifying crash
I prayed for everyone’s safety
The sun shined kindly
And gently I reached my destination
at last

It was different because I locked the door
By myself today, no one in the house.
I walked more responsibly
I smiled light frequently
I saw a dog leap
As I saw the cat pounce
I locked the door by myself today
I did not play any music,
I felt like the owner of the house

It was but brick and tar with beds inside
In my pocket I put the keys
If I had a pet I would wash it for fleece
If I had a kid, I would take them with me
If I had a lover, I would kiss them in their sleep
But today, it was just the house and me
I locked the door by myself today
And I stepped in to build a life for me.
I was set free.

#joy #freedom #identity #free #self

Cassandra Dec 7

two years

It's been two years
since I took the blow
It's been two years
and everything has been hollow

Of all the things that I lost,
there are a few I miss the most.
Here's how the list goes-
My laugh, My smile
My way with the world.
My heart, My mind,
My trust and My love.

I have been waiting
for things to be the same,
I can't recognise who I am now, except for my name.
and to tell you the truth,
I have started to give up as well.
I don't feel like finding things that might help me,
I don't think anything can help me much. Only slightly.

I have grown to dislike a lot of things.
The list is long but here is some of it
My face and the way my body works,
My brain and how it does not know
anything beyond its own sorrow.

Neither of the lists have you on it,
Frankly, to you, I have become quite indifferent
I know the future is brighter without you
but nothing bright seems to happen, I don't know what to do.

Cassandra Dec 4

let it happen

let the lash of the eye fall back into the air,
let the body be weightless.
let the voices die down,
Let the grief be dense.
All the light that once shone,
let it be gone,
Let it all be gone.

Let the words go quiet,
Let the body crumple up.
Let the heart be silent,
Let the organs collapse
Let the mind give up.
Let the breath be soaked
in the weight

#depression #identity #grief #sorrow

Dec 2

Corrinne Shadow

When I Was Small

When I was small
I wrote a song.
It was as wild
As it was long.

I did not know
How to write words
And so I sang
With the morning birds.

Now I am grown,
I am depressed.
I write long things
Just to impress.

I do not sing,
I only sigh.
When I was small
I was alive.

Cassandra Dec 2

I am sorry I did not text

I thought I would text you 
About the people who troubled you, 
About the girl who called twice and texted Just to gloat, made you feel rejected.

I thought I would text you 
About how you are so much more 
Than what they tell you or,
 how they make you feel.
I thought I would text you
"You are so far above—
 Your brilliance in surplus."

But I got lost.
 In my own thoughts, 
In my own insufficiency.
There was a violent pause. 
I closed my eyes.
And  all I remember is—I got lost.

In my own calculations, 
of how I fall short 
In everything I try.
 I don’t try enough.
 I never stretch my hands
 For the stars or the sun.
I gritted my teeth; 
Like ice, I got frozen
. I tried to list my reasons, 
make a report— 
But I felt smaller than an ant, 
And I got lost.

I nail my feet to the ground, 
Afraid to think of the sky. 
I don’t know how much 
Of my fear is truth,
How much
a lie.

I was thinking about trying to save you.
With my words and small things I could do But then I got lost— 
in how everyone  reaches higher heights, While I just seem to be falling down.
Step by step
 Thud, thud, thud.
Silence.

Thought abt trying to cheer up my sister but i got lost in my own feelings of insufficiency and self loathing

#depression #mental #health #insecurity #fear #afraid

Dec 2

Simoné

Seven Years

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

#truth #pain #acceptance #forever #heart