How will you watch the love of your life love someone else?

Don't.

I miss singing at the top of my lungs and swinging, feeling as if i was a bird.
I was free there in that moment.
I miss making mud pies and collecting bugs with my cousin.
I miss bike rides around the same old block everyday.
I miss the passion in my actions.
I miss dressing up in a floppy hat skirt and shirt that didn't quite cover my flubby belly at the time and feeling like I was a model, feeling like I was the bomb dot com.
I miss making mud slides and the tire swing.
I miss the play fights and gun games and simply watching video games as my brothers wouldn't let me play.
I miss feeling comfortable with the man who's ***** led to my life.
I miss the ignorance my childhood Had kept me safe in.
I miss being able to hug him, without cringing.
And I miss being able to remember my thoughts.
I miss my life before anything had ever happened.
I miss when my mommy would ask has anyone touched you down there? And I could honestly say no.
I do not miss the lies I told everyday
I do not miss the feeling of never being able to open up.
I won't miss the feeling of being a mistake.
Nor will I miss the feeling of being a failure.
I will not miss the feeling of disgust  over my own body.
I will not miss the jealousy my step father had with my sister she was his blood.
I will not miss my mothers favoritism over Her first boy.
I will not miss the memories that I cannot access.
I will not miss the echo of words that should never have been uttered to a child.
I will not miss the unknowing monster in my mind feeding myself ideas of what happened the snippets floating away.
I will miss the feeling of a smile, the affection accepted from a loved one.
But it won't matter will it i won't have the choice what I remember or miss I won't be here at all.
What will you miss?

I'm scared to go to sleep,

incase tonight my end I meet.

Why is it always just before bed,

that things start happening in my head?

I can feel it coming,

my head starts humming,

but it never gives me time,

to call out or give a sign.

if I'm lucky and someone is there,

I feel happier because I know they care.

you see, I can still hear everything that is said,

even though other things are going on in my head.

I wish they would find a cure,

then I wouldn't have to worry any more.

Then I could go out and play,

knowing I would be seizure free everyday.