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May 12 · 16
how will i know
am i
falling out of love?
or
just realizing that you
really don’t care anymore?
May 4 · 23
free will
if i love you
i love you through everything.
the good and bad times,
the easy and hard days,
i won’t leave.

but if you stop loving me,
i’ll still be there.
i won’t leave.
even if I should.

but remember that
you can’t make me stay.
i choose to stay.
May 2 · 36
burn marks
it turns out the fire
we walked through
together
was just
you
burning
me
May 1 · 1.4k
dear you,
dear you,

please remember that your voice has power.
power to raise an ocean of words,
please make them mean something.
power to create a storm,
please don’t destroy too much.
you have been given hands to create,
a mind to wonder,
a life that is worth living if you make it worth living
Apr 21 · 40
reminders
do those songs still
remind you of me?
do you ever remember us
and wonder
what might’ve happened?
do you ever miss us?
we were so young...
do you ever think of me?
we were so close and now-
complete strangers,
i think we’ve spoken
twice this entire school year.
you still smile at me
with that knowing look.
we’ve both changed so much,
but i still wonder what
might’ve happened if
i didn’t end it so quickly
and without a second thought...
Apr 20 · 38
done waiting
i'm tired of waiting.
for you.
for the world.
for everything to go back to normal.

you asked me to keep it a secret.
and i did.
and you know how hard
it is for me to keep a secret like that.

and i thought,
if i did everything just right.
if i was perfect,
if i was good enough for you,
you'd keep me.
i'm tired of waiting for
you. for your validation.
and i don't care if this hurts,
you need to know.

i'm starting to know my worth.
and i know i don't deserve to wait
for someone who might not wait for me.
i love you, but some days its hard when
you don't love me.
and i try and i try and i try to help you,
but you won't take my help
and i don't know what to do anymore.

i have so many thoughts
and feelings
and emotions
and things to say,
but i can't say them,
because it might hurt you,
or i don't know how you'll react.
and i don't want to hurt you-
not again.

and every time we talk you hurt me.
whether you know it or not.
you aren't who you were and i'm waiting
for the old you to come back,
the you i fell in love with.
and i still love you, but some days it's hard.
you've made me cry more than anyone else.
and i love you more than anyone else.
and maybe that's why i stay.
maybe that why i keep trying to help you.

i hope you're the one i end up with.
otherwise, all of this heartbreak was for nothing.
you say you love me
and yet
ive never felt less loved.
i felt more loved when you
didn’t love me.
Apr 15 · 139
ashes
we may have
walked through
the fire together,
but that doesn't
mean we didn't
get burned.
Apr 15 · 47
response
i finally figured it out.
i was waiting for
a response.

i have spent days
killing time.
waiting for you.
when i knew
i didn’t need to,
i knew i didn’t
need your validation,
but i wanted it anyway
Apr 11 · 37
essential personnel
we were never told
that we are essential.
we just had to assume
and hope for the best.
we work in a nursing home
on the other side is a hospital.
we don’t work in nursing,
we work in dietary.
my whole life has been changed
because of my job.
one more thing goes wrong-
and i’ll snap.
“too much has happened
for us to lose hope”
says the ones who don’t make
$9 an hour, we aren’t making
anything extra for working
during this- everyone else is.
thank you for “valuing”
every staff member “equally.”
stop lying to my face.
tell me what’s really
going on.
Mar 21 · 244
main character
i used to think that
i wasn’t the main
character of my
own story.
i’ve learned
that i am-
it’s just a really
messed up story
Mar 18 · 56
summer rain
in the mood
to go for a walk
in a warm summer
rain with someone
i love
Mar 12 · 49
inspiration
i've finally found the inspiration
to write again and the time to do it.
we both need time to heal and figure
out life, this is how i heal and
start the next chapter of my life
Mar 12 · 40
Dear Schools:
thank you for not teaching me any real knowledge
but instead teaching me how to memorize correct answers.
thank you for making us teach ourselves and our parents saying
"you spend too much time on the internet"
when in reality some of us were teaching ourselves because
you never did.
you taught me that grades are more important than my
physical and mental health.
some of us are here because we want to learn,
others are only here because it's required by law.
please teach for the ones who want to be here.
Mar 12 · 59
happily ever after
i just want the happily ever after
every little girl dreams of
because romance has been

shoved

down

my

throat

since the moment i came out
of the womb, but hey-
that's just part of being
a girl
Mar 12 · 125
autopsy
"let's examine these words."
yes- let's lay them on a table,
cut them open and diagnose nothing.
autopsying when you know that
there's nothing to find
Jan 21 · 165
prom dress
i bought a prom dress
last night.
it's ivory and rose gold
and it makes me feel
like a confident queen.

i promposed to my boyfriend.
there were scrabble tiles
and it was adorable.
he said yes.

i know it's still two or three
months away, but i'm getting
ready and it'll be a good night.
a night where i finally feel
beautiful.
Jan 4 · 230
growing up
when people asked
“what do you want to
be when you grow up?”
i never knew.
i’ve grown up a little, 17,
and all i am is
afraid.
Dec 2019 · 531
could be
could be
seasonal depression
or could be
lacking any friends
i don’t know.

and please don’t try to tell me “oh you have friends- you really do” or “find new friends” because trust me- I know them- and I don’t want to associate with them and I live in too small of a town to find other friends.
Dec 2019 · 340
sickness
i have been
conditioned to
think that working
is more important than
my health.
Dec 2019 · 49
to the ones who...
to the ones who fell in love early and loved much. who kept falling in love over and over and over again.
to the ones who searched for love in all the right and wrong and could never seem to find it. not at home, not at work, not at school, nowhere.
to the ones who found love everywhere or even just once, and wanted nothing to do with it.
to the ones who've been hurt from the beginning and who've yet to be hurt.
to the hearts of glass and stone, the ones who broke and shattered over and over again, to the ones who've only been broken a few times.
to the ones who've been so broken- and yet continue to love. to the ones who love when it's hard to.
to those who cry alone at night and the ones who cry in the arms of friends.
to those who've been left gently and on good terms and for the ones who were harshly abandoned without a second thought- this is for you.
this is to tell you- you are heard and seen and loved.
Oct 2019 · 165
essay
i'm still half a page short.
this essay is pointless
there is no fluff left to write

the cursor sits there- it
mocks me.
this isn't helping either
Sep 2019 · 137
what happened
i feel like i
can’t say what
happened to me
because what happened
to my best friend was
so much worse...
Aug 2019 · 163
early phyics
it's 5:30am.
i'm sitting at the
dining room table
with my physics notes
in front of me. a cup of
tea sits to the right of it all.
mornings like these are more
common than i'd like to admit.
homework and notes sit in front
of me, waiting for the calculations
to be completed. it's odd. i can focus
at 5:30am better than i can focus at, say,
8:30pm. i think i actually like early physics
Aug 2019 · 453
mascara
as i brush the mascara
on my eyelashes,
i notice the rain outside,
gently hitting my windows.
it’s a beautiful thing
Jun 2019 · 247
loop
im stuck in
this never ending
loop. this cycle
of go to work,
come home, go
to bed, repeat.
i can’t live the
rest of my life
like this.
life is like a
bad song stuck
on repeat.
Apr 2019 · 293
changing
things are changing so
quickly.

life is happening so
quickly.

from one thing to the next,
supporting friends, working
at the cafe and hospital...

and things will continue to
change. as long as we are alive
nothing will ever stay the same
Apr 2019 · 1.2k
rain
the gentle rain
on the window
reminds me of
a simpler time

of a moment that
is still to happen

somewhere,
someday,
with you
Mar 2019 · 214
him
him
his cologne
still
haunts me
Mar 2019 · 184
musical
i've spent the last
3 months of my
life on a musical

a week ago today
was opening night
and now it's all
completely over

i don't regret
anything.
Feb 2019 · 217
moments
sometimes there are
these perfect little
moments.

i believe that these
moments are what
defines who we are
Feb 2019 · 281
return
i come home
around 10pm
after musical
rehearsal.

i come home to
a silent and empty
house.

its like im
being rejected
from my own
home.
Feb 2019 · 185
waiting
i'm biding my time.
i'm not sure what
i'm waiting for...
all i know, is that i'm
waiting...
Feb 2019 · 141
bridges
ive burned a
lot of bridges
lately...

whether it was
on purpose or
an accident-
i still don’t know
Jan 2019 · 120
wrong words
i can’t say
anything right

so why do
i even try
to speak
at all anymore
Jan 2019 · 128
ticking
time keeps wasting away
i sometimes hear the clocks
ticking.

it's maddening.

i don't know how to
use time effectively while
taking care of myself.

there's too much to do
in too little time.
ticking clocks
Jan 2019 · 266
night terrors
it feels like i'm stuck in
a never ending
night terror.

it's on loop and
won't stop
going and
going and
going and
going and
going and
going.

this is my cry for someone-
anyone to help me escape.
i can't handle it anymore...
Dec 2018 · 153
light
a friend once told
me “you are light.”
i’m trying to be light
to all of my friends
and everyone around me.

i think i like being light...
it’s a very good place,
mentally it isn’t draining,
it isn’t emotionally
draining either.

i think i’m happy again
Nov 2018 · 103
falling in place
it still seems like
things are falling
apart.
and i lowkey know
that they are-
but things are falling
in place too. maybe
life and the world
isn't as against us
as it may seem
Nov 2018 · 338
storms
everything is
so peaceful on
this wintery day

except the storm
raging in my mind

someone help me
Nov 2018 · 1.3k
shattered
i accidentally
broke his heart

almost a year
and a half later
he shattered mine

“dating her
was a mistake.”
Oct 2018 · 658
is typing...
sometimes when
no one checks
the group chat
for awhile and
there’s no one
else on-
it feels like you’re
just talking in an
empty theatre- waiting.
waiting for anything.
a “read” notification,
a typing bubble-
a sign that you’re
not alone-
anything...
Oct 2018 · 320
blue eyes
i’ve been told
many times
that my eyes
are the color
of the ocean.
just like my
mom’s eyes.

the color of
the sky after
a rain storm,
young flowers,
a little lighter
than the blue
on a walmart bag,
a worn jean jacket.

i think i like
ocean the best-
i miss it the most.
Oct 2018 · 213
breaking
i'm shattering
breaking
so stressed
to the breaking
point

if something
isn't done soon
there won't be
any of me left
Sep 2018 · 3.1k
right whats wrong
i need to right
what i did
wrong to you.

but i'm afraid
of what might
happen.

i broke your
heart (and mine
too) on accident.
i didn't mean to.
i swear.

if i could go back
and change it-
i'd do it in a
heartbeat.
Sep 2018 · 152
forever
i’m standing on the
edge of the world
so much talent and
opportunity.

but i’m waiting.
waiting for something
to happen that will
never happen.
Sep 2018 · 369
embers
the glowing of the
hot embers from
what was left of the
bonfire reminded
me that maybe
some good can come
out of this darkness.
Sep 2018 · 253
never chosen
one thing i've learned
is that i will never
be anyone's first choice.

he will always choose
his friends over the girl
he says he's dating.

i've finally come to
terms with the fact that
i'm just not good enough.
Sep 2018 · 683
ocean waves
what i miss
most about the
ocean is the
freedom of
standing on rocks
over the waves
without any worries
Sep 2018 · 388
cinderella
if i get the job
as a dishwasher
at the cafe or
the nursing home

i might get my
weirdly
tragically beautiful
cinderella story
after all
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