you cut me out of your life
awhile ago.
and it turns out
i miss you more
than i ever thought
i would
but i can’t change
anything
and if i could
turn back time,
to the beginning of quarantine,
and fix things-
I would-
in a heartbeat...

going to a college
2 1/2 hours away
won’t change
how much
i miss you
or
how much it hurts-
it might just be a little easier
to forget some days
because i won’t
see you every day
anymore.
and i know you won’t see this,
but i just need to write it down.

i don’t care how much
you’ve hurt me,
i miss you.
the you that i love,
the you that i know.
even the you that hurt me-
he was still in my life-
i even miss that you.
because that you and i-
we still had good times together.
i miss you...
and i know you don’t miss me,
after all-
you did say,
“now get out of my life, and stay out.
goodbye.”
and i never actually
got to say goodbye to you.

i hate that i miss you.
after all the hurt,
and the tears,
and the sleepless nights,
and the anxiety,
and the stress,
and the nights when i cried myself to sleep,
and the soft smiles,
and the second thoughts,
and the late nights,
and the endless conversations,
and the promises,
and after everything we’ve been though-
i hate that i miss you.

whenever we’d fight,
you’d block me and add be back
a few weeks later,
always claiming how much
you missed me.
i have a feeling-
this time is different...
this time-
it really is over,
isn’t it?