no more dusty cellars
no more clammy palms
no more peeling wallpaper
no more stained ceiling tiles to count and pass the time

no more little red lights to perform for

no more blood to wash away
no more bruises to hide

no more you.
no more us.
no more them.

          when i wake up the sun pools over my nakedness,
          and i know
          this body, this soul, this story
          is my own.

                                         i write
                                         i sing
                                         i dance
                                         i clean
                        
                                                              i enjoy my time alone.



the chains have broken
rusted out
the years melt with the snow
the porcelain doll is shattered
the child is grown.

wrists cry
hemaglobin tears
washed away by
shower steam
and daydream fears

your knife-wielding hands
clenched to the bone

my roar now dwindled
to a gentle hum

your selective deafness
my self-inflicted muteness
our perpetual daze

i wanted you to hear me so
i screamed my voice away

i wake up,
cough up the poison i swallowed
trying to ****
the piece of you that
lives in me.

the flavor of your breath
still fresh on my tongue,
after seven years,
the saltiness of your sweat,
the cool metallic taste of
your blood.

i remember it all.

i want to forget.

i want to shed this skin
handwash these stains you left
on my soul
with warm water
and sweet smelling soaps.

kick down the door
of this home you built
in my mind
and burn it to the ground.


this is mine
you can not stay here,
anymore.

i spent nine years
tuning out
quiet lullabies

three years
burning your fingertips
off my skin

nine years reclaiming
this body
this soul
within

wanting to be clean
untouched, unseen

a lifetime of washing away sin

your hair like a cloud
your body like a baptism
you kissed my feet
like i was holy
our lives all tangled
blessed with newness
and beauty

you were
my fall from grace
my little reverie
come to life

our days
filled with smoke
our nights
filled with sleeplessness
together, lost in the thrills
the little green pills and
hundred dollar bills
together, lost in each other
all sweat and breath and love and skin
the sun fell out
the day we let the darkness in

our sweetest fragileness
our hearts made from silk
our home a secret that
brokenness built.