I THOUGHT BY THIS TIME I WOULD HAVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM
BUT IN ALL ACTUALITY I THINK I MIGHT STILL BE FALLING
AND THATS HORRIFYING BECAUSE I CANNOT START CLIMBING OUT OF THIS HOLE UNTIL I HIT THE BOTTOM
AND NOW IM WONDERING IF I WILL EVER HIT THE BOTTOM IN TIME,
BEFORE MY MIND DRIVES ME INSANE
You took advantage
of how much I loved you
and then screamed at me
for not loving you
the way you wanted to be loved.
Neon lights that read "vacant,"
your name is plastered in my head.
"What do you want from me?"
I'd yell forever if I thought you could hear.
Your scent lingers in the crevices of my couch and at the tips of my sheets,
even as I stay in hotel rooms that have never had the privilege to meet your body.
I know with my tone of voice, you most likely took it like I was being cocky and maybe I was.
It's the only thing I am probably absolutely sure of about anything, about myself.
"And what drove you to the point of this stage?"
I bet you could hear the anxiety in the voice, begging to know the answer.
"I drove myself crazy over you."
Find the girl who will look at you and see parts of her childhood within you; the parts that bring back her childish tendencies to giggle and dance around a room. The parts that make her feel like she's known you her entire life even in a moment.
Find the girl who will find you. In every lost thought, in every struggle, she will find you and remind you of what you're after and who you are.
Find the girl who will kiss you like she's been to the bottom of the ocean, and she knows what it's like to drown, and she doesn't care as long as you're what's taking her breath from her.
And I don't think I've ever seen something so sad, because you did find her.
And you left her.
You lost her.
I feel bad for you.
I am done with fancy words
and overused analogies.
I love you
just like I told you I did last night at 3:32am.
And that is that.
There is no rhyme scheme
or subliminal message.
There is no catch
or depth to this.
I am not sure what analogy
would even fit the occasion
or what fancy word could describe this.
So let me just reinforce the fact
that I am in fact
in love with you.
people tell other people that they would go to the ends of this earth to prove how in love they are.
but that proves nothing.
anyone can go around the world, to the "ends" of it.
but the ends of this world, wherever the hell they are, they would not mean a thing to me unless you were there with me.
so to prove to you that i am in love with you,
i will go to the ends of this earth,
but only if you come with me.
i want to get to know you.
i remember thinking that when i first met you.
i wanted to get to know everything about you.
what you look like in the morning, what you look like at night, what your hair is like if you jokingly put it up in a towel, what your family is like, what words you use a lot.
what your favorite scent of febreeze is, what color you describe the sky as, what you think of when you see something beautiful.
what your favorite creamer is to put into your coffee or if you even like coffee, what you look like at 2am when you're feeling alone.
how you speak when you are angry in comparison to when you are sad (so i will never get the two mixed up), what you want as a tattoo, what you believe in.
i wanted to know everything that i could fall in love with.
and i learned that there is no one else i would rather know, than you.
because absolutely everything about you is intriguing, from what you look like in the morning to what you dare to believe in.