How could you have stopped my fall if you were the one who pushed me.

like ******* crumbs you're
still on my tongue the
stomach ache I can't
escape

the old haunt I missed
before ever stepping through the
door

the scrape on my knee ghost
of which still stings

and for a while still,

I  may cry at normal
things.

I
kicked up a cloud of Arizona muck-dust
and walked right through it
heavily inhaled
I
just wanted to get valley fever
but I only caught yours instead

i am good at unrequited love-having
and extra long bath-taking
and forever self-pitying

you're a bluebird baby with a falcon stare
tell me one more time
about the cat-scratch secrets
hiding beneath the ****** blankets
you wash once a week
that smell maroon and taste copper
with a hint of saffron and poppy,
just to add to the irony
what else have you been keeping from us?
sometimes I wonder if I had found you first
it would have ended differently
but maybe my fingers in your feathery hair
can't ease your hurricane
that we've come to adore and despise
why did I never see it, screaming,
swelling up in there, that human whirlpool
how many nights were you alone?
when did I see you and your sunshine smile
and couldn't feel the gun pressed against your skull
what else have you been keeping from us?
because despite your skyward eyes
you're one step closer to Hell
please, don't take your mending wings too close to Heaven
you're already there

From experience,
I've realised that a
poem never changed anything.

if you look to your left, you'll see the apologies I left on your machine and the nightmares you gave me when you told me you could never love the girl who didn't love herself. I still don't know what meant because now you're coming back even though I can't feel the warmth of your hands anymore.
and if you look to your right, you can still see the street light where I first saw your ghost stumbling through the darkness. I couldn't quite tell what you were at first. I couldn't tell if you were an angel or otherwise. I couldn't tell if you were a flight risk or otherwise. I couldn't tell if you were truly in love or otherwise.
crane your necks and look to the stars that I'd like to pretend we looked at together because, after all, we were star crossed lovers even though we collided when I couldn't help but mention the way you pulled from me.
look at ground, and watch it crumble like it did when I started falling.