You’re so close to the stars. i wonder if you can hear the secrets i told the constellations that one night i got lost on the roof trying to find my way without you. maybe you’ll get lost in the darkness up there and feel the way i feel when i get lonely sometimes. you’re going to cities I’ve never seen and you’ll be walking on roads my feet haven’t touched and in a way I’m jealous of the new air you get to breathe. the little intricate fibres that make up my lungs are burning with this constant northern oxygen I’ve been force feeding them. i wonder what its like to breath you in at 30, 000 ft above sea level going 600 miles per hour. i wonder if my lungs would burn out of blissful breathlessness for you. I wonder what jet lag looks when it's painted across your face. i hate being on planes, but I’m so curious about how tightly you’d let me hold your hand up there. until i met you i didn’t understand why people thought it would be so special to travel around the world with another person, because i’d always thought it would be better to be lost alone. but i get high off the thought of walking european streets with you.

There's both pros and cons* to being a boy with a heart of gold.
You see, gold is a malleable material; it's easy to mold.
I'd give anything, everything just for somebody to love,
So I roll the dice; compromise. I guess that isn't enough.

So when the *love of my life rears her ugly head, and I'd rather be dead instead of single.
I made the best of a bad situation but I never saw the worst in people.

There's both pros and cons to being a boy with a mind of stone.
You see, it's easy to shut out the world, but I feel so alone.
I'd do anything, anything, just for somebody who cares.
I can't point the blame, what a shame. I guess that it's only fair.

So when a new opportunity comes around the corner, I'm unfortunately not able to mingle,
'Cause I make the worst of the best situations, and I never seem to take to the best of people.

But there's no pros, only cons, for being afraid to love,
'Cause you'll sit back and cherish those moments from Heavens above.
And there's no pros, only cons, to shutting out those who care.
'Cause maybe you'll realize that life wasn't being unfair.

There's no pros, only cons when you don't know the pros,
So you think that they're gone, but no one can know.
I hope you can see how I stay optimistic.
Just take it from me: The hopeless romantic.

So when the love of my life turns her pretty face, and she smiles so gracefully walking down the steeple.
I'll make the most of what life has to offer, when I finally meet the best of people.

The emptiest hearts,
Are the heaviest to carry.

I am sorry for who I am.
I am sorry for getting jealous.
I am sorry for making you feel bad.
I am sorry for my tears.
I am sorry for my mood swings.
I am sorry for my insecurities.
I am sorry that you worry so much.
I am sorry that I  get scared.
I am sorry that I push you away.
I am sorry that I am weak.
I am sorry that I need you so much.
I am sorry that I let you fall in love with me.
But baby,you were so different.
You made me feel so so special.
For some reason I actually believed this could work. You and I.
It honestly was my biggest wish but I guess a sick person can't be with a healthy person.
I could never explain all of this and you probably won't understand and that is totally ok. I don't want you to see the world in my eyes. You see this world so differently, it makes you happy just to live. Maybe that's another reason why I fell in love with you. Maybe I hoped that I could also fall in love with living again,and I did for a while and I am so thankful for that. But this kind of sadness doesn't just go away and I should have known,I really wish I could have been the one to make you happy.
The one you could go on adventures with. The one you could marry some day. After all,I love you more than anything and I always will.
That sounds childish but it's true.
You showed me light in a time filled with darkness. I love you.

Other times I kiss the northern winds, let them dance with my curls while caressing my curves. Drifting me away, a feather in a gentle tornado towards vague, dreamlike, foreign lands.  

& in other occasions I belong wholeheartedly to the moon. She's my favorite intimate lover, the most passionate of all. Her dark mysteries keep me addicted to the light she steals from the sun.

Then when the sun takes me, lights me up, burns me, sweet sweet fire, as he embraces me. A Phoenix coming back to him over & over. Naked scars & whispers of warm love, poems that tell me he shines for me, keeps the soil under my feet warm for me, tells me he lives for me.

All the while the ocean waits patiently for me to yet again submerge myself in the chaos of its storms. Maybe all the salt water in the oceans are just tears that've been shed waiting for lovers to embrace its madness. Oceans long for fearless lovers, lovers that fear not the wrath of its solitude and forbidden passion.

& once in a blue moon I sit in silence & succumb to the unknown. Most of the time words fail me and I can't describe the way I unwrap myself in the darkness. Dark matter, the ether, my intangible lovers living in the same place. There's an art to losing yourself in places like these.

Sometimes I belong to you, but for the most part, I belong to myself.

I am dying, a slow and painful death it feels as if life is testing me with every single breath.