Tatiana

Jan 2019

verwandlung

My beautiful sunflower,
of warm, yellow joy -
infectious - as sunshine
beams across our faces.

An abundance of petals,
golden in the light.
Growing toward the sun,
striving for perfection.

Our beautiful sunflower,
nurtured and thriving,
growing through my heart, warm
with happiness and love.

happiness of being in love? feels gross to read it now haha

Tatiana Jan 2019

Words For A New Year

I agree to things i'd rather not do
because i'd rather die than have to lie to you.
Yet what I do for you, I don't agree.
Why the **** can't I just be me?

I just want to be appreciated,
but it seems my value is depreciating.
With every decision I make to fall in line.
Every decision I make to just seem fine.

I play these bad decisions off like they're jokes
because if I don't then I will choke.
On the shame of it all, I can't stand tall.
I deserve the greatest of falls.

These thoughts can't linger anymore
and though it's difficult, I will endure.
The pain inside will no longer hide
and i'll get some help this time.

© Tatiana
I want to start therapy is the theme of this poem

#words #for #*** #new #year #therapy

Tatiana Dec 2018

In Pieces

The sky is whiter than normal.
The cloud cover makes you sick.
It's the first snow of the season
You wish it didn't exist.
A blizzard beneath your eyelids
when your body grows weak.
You fall off the edge of a precipice
one that has no right to exist.

It all seemed to fade away
in pieces.

The snow is coming down
landing on your face,
and you frown.
You dislike how it collects on the ground.
You wrap your arms tighter
around yourself.
You can't admit you're cold.
You can't ask for help.
And I see you shiver
your way through Hell.
Like you're an icy mirror
You reflect myself.

The ground ceased to exist.
What was once so solid,
so real that the dirt stained
whatever it touched.
It burned away in these
eternal flames.
That I found myself trapped in.
Hell, is my home burning?
It's always so **** hot.
I used to drip with sweat.
I haven't drank water in over a year.
I don't sweat I'm dehydrated.

It all seemed to fade today
in pieces.

The flames are rising high
ready to leave ash in my place.
I'm sure my horror would show
if I could truly feel my face.
I wrap my arms tighter
around myself.
I can't admit I'm burning.
I can't ask for help.
You see me burning
my way through life.
Like I'm the reflection
of your strife.

It all seemed to fade away
in pieces.
It all seemed to fade today
in pieces.
.

© Tatiana
Here's a little song I wrote (you might want to sing it note by note) lol. But this is a song I wrote. I tend to just play a chord progression on the piano and then sing whatever comes to mind. I record the result of that on my phone and then I collect the lyrics and form them into something that makes sense. And this is that result.

#in #pieces

Tatiana Dec 2018

Unions

I've got the scars from countless paper cuts
and calluses from the pressure to write.
Maybe instead of letting my eyes shut,
I should just let it become the cool night.
Who says I need to rest my weary head?
When I could stay awake and ponder life,
on my shaky desk where my hands have bled.
Who says I shall become a foolish wife!
I don't spit on those who are now happy.
Their stories do not flow from my heart's dark.
I can't relate to feelings as sappy
as trees when we strike and peel back their bark.

Such unions made are blessings and curses.
Together we stress over the verses.

I bound my hands to my strange illusions.
I hope it brings far better conclusions.

#unions

Tatiana Dec 2018

Monarchs

Two monarchs cross paths
dancing around eachother.
With words so airy,
one should know to be wary
of what will be said next.

"How does your son fair?"
"Fairs as well as yours I presume."
"Yours always had a knack for flair."
"Yours always could wow a room."

Disguised insults spoken.
Each compliment flapped away with wings
that carry the monarch to their next test.
Where they'll see which flowers they like best.
To gather in support of their queens.

"You know what would be tragic?"
"Why do you continue to speak?"
"If a son were to fall to magic,
before his heart could take a beat."

The two monarchs parted ways.
Promises rolling off their tongues
as sweet as the nectar they drank.
But were designed to attack the other's rank.
Their success depends on the other's defeat.

Conversation stalls as the monarchs fly home.
On wings decorated so finely.
Each of their thoughts seem to turn towards their sons
Just caterpillars before their transformations.
Weaving their chrysalis with determination.

Though they're far apart
the monarchs speak the same words

"I fear for you, my son, in this great world,
Our reign can never last for long.
But I wish for you to have your chance
To encapture the world in a trance
With a grace bestowed upon your wings
I wish for you to make others sing.
For I've seen the tragedy of the other king
Just before transformation
I saw a caterpillar die in its chrysalis."

"I saw a caterpillar die in its chrysalis,"

"I saw a caterpillar die..."

"My son, that has made all the difference."

#monarchs #caterpillars #tragedy

Tatiana Dec 2018

Toxicity

××××××××××××××××××××××××
Keep guard in your garden
××××××××××××××××××××××××
Lethal lean leaves
seem to stick to their trees.
Scraggly-looking and furnished rather sparsely,
its roots still dug deep into the earth;
Absorbing all moisture from the dirt.

Leaving it
                   dry,
                   cracked,
                   broken
Like lungs;
                    unable to breathe.
Like hearts;
                    unable to beat.

A leaf falls and gets caught in a sudden breeze.
The wind not realizing what it released,
for attached to the leaf were its lethal seeds.
Ready to spread their toxicity.
×××××××××××××××××××××××××
Keep guard in your garden
×××××××××××××××××××××××××

© Tatiana
Apologies for being away for so long, it's been pretty crazy. I hope everyone had a happy thanksgiving! And if you don't celebrate that, I hope that was a good thursday!
Anyway, beside thanksgiving getting in the way (and work), my sister has been having a very difficult time in the relationship she's in. It's an incredibly toxic (and in my opinion, emotionally abusive) relationship. I don't know what to do other than to be there for my sister. Apparently, he has apologized and is going to try harder, but I don't believe him. He's said stuff like that before and everything is fine for a week and the next thing I know I'm getting a call from my sister about how he's treating her like crap. It hasn't been a fun month. Everyday I want to go up to him and threaten him with god knows what and I probably will do so. My sister always had enough heart for the both of us. I've always had enough rage for the two of us.
So this is just a warning. Please do your best to keep toxic people out of your life. Let your garden grow in a healthy manner.
But if you ever need someone to go to war with to help someone you love, I'm your girl.

#toxic #relationships #garden

Tatiana Oct 2018

No poem today

My words have lost their way.
I'm sorry there's no poem today.

My words
have lost
their way
I'm sorry there's no poem today.

My have words their lost way.
Sorry i'm no there's poem today.

#no #poem #today