Tatiana

Tatiana Feb 2015

Pause.
Start again.
It's too dangerous to stop.
What's on your arm?
Tug your sleeve down, refuse to talk.
Don't let them know
or your secret will be out.
You could stretch out your arm
reach for someone's hand,
but they will never fully grasp
the weight of your situation.
Close your mouth,
your eyes,
your mind.
Just shut down.

#fear #depression #shutdown

Tatiana Feb 2015

War Against Sleep

If I was in a war against sleep
I would be winning
For I have not given in to the peaceful darkness.
...
But this is the one occassion where I wish I would just lose.

I will probably elaborate later on...

#sad #sleep #insomnia #tired

Tatiana Feb 2015

Stranger

Beautiful eyes
Little lies
I've tried to help you
God knows how i've tried

Strong friends
Sticking around as the river bends
But I lost you in the rapids
and I sighed for this is how it ends

I found a song
It was for you but it was too long
The words I wrote no longer apply
How could I have been so wrong

I burned it
Along with a shirt in a fire pit
I tried to save you, I really did
But you left me in a dangerous fit

I tried to save you from this danger
But my mother said "You can't change her."
And we took different paths into the dark, my friend
I gave up, and now you're a stranger

It took a very long time to express this. She was my friend and I tried so hard to help her and she hurt me in return and then never spoke to me again even though I see her all the time. We just don't know each other anymore.
© Tatiana

#stranger

Feb 2015

Courtney Snodgrass

I'm a Functionally Depressed Person

I’m a functionally depressed person.
I’ve self-diagnosed myself as this
Because severe depression makes
Me feel like I should be lying
Around my house all day and
Although I’d rather wrap myself
In the blankets of my bed,
I push myself out into the day.
Dressed in an outfit that’s not
Sweatpants and a t-shirt, but
Instead, jeans and a sweater.
Long sleeves to cover the cuts
On my arm, or many bracelets
With no colors that match my
Outfit but they cover my
Self-inflicted wounds from
The night before.
I fake a smile at people
That I pass by during the day
And I hope that they can’t
See through my eyes and into
My head. I hope they can’t read
The suicidal thoughts swimming
Around, filling the lack of serotonin
That I’m missing from my brain.
Their eyes feel like lasers shooting
Into my brain like bullets that I dream
Of releasing from the chamber
To settle in my head.
I’m a functionally depressed person
Because I function in society
Without anyone knowing that
Inside, I’m already dead.

I've had a really bad day.

#depression

Tatiana Feb 2015

Drowning

Water seeping into my body
and I try to swim,
but my arms are limp
and my legs won't kick.
The bubbles float upwards
towards the glow of the surface
and I wish I could watch it in peace,
but my lungs are burning
and I open my mouth to scream
but more bubbles float to the surface,
mocking me.
I'm watching these orbs float towards the light
while the rest of me sinks into the darkness,
but i'm sinking faster than the bubbles can reach the surface
and my vision starts to get fuzzy
and then it swiftly goes black
as I feel the cold water hug me tight,
suffocating me.
*I'm drowning

My thoughts have been going crazy lately as I have started thinking about how I would die. I always had a sneaking suspicion that I would die from some form of suffocation; drowning just described how I felt in this moment

#fear #pain #death #hope #dark #drowning #light #suffocation

Feb 2015

Jemistine

Captive

Sometimes I don't know what is the best way to **** yourself
Am I too young to even plan this?
Or life isn't just for me

It seems like everyday I am dying slowly. I feel that I am suffocated in a closed room by people who are chaos to my thoughts and poison to my heart

I can't put all of my emotions in a tightly-closed jar because I fear that they will still come after me—
Seeping through my soul and in turn, will held me captive

A butterfly that has eluded to me; that's what you are
I tried so hard but I can't

Maybe if I die today; nothing will change
The stars will continue to appear
The sun will still give light at the surface of the Earth; able to provide sunshine to the people I left behind

The moon, the illuminator of darkness, despite its craters will always give hope in the absence of light

Is it me or my mind has completely gone wrong or my perception has just failed to look at the illusion this
world has cursed upon

c.j.d