Tamera Pierce

Tamera Pierce Oct 2017

Being looked at as
Expendable.
A budget that can get
Cut
If the funds get too
Tight.
Being watched.
Like every move you make
Might turn out to be
Like your mother's.
Being listened to
As if someone can find the secret
To happiness
In the clipped off notes of the thing you call a laugh
Being heard.
Like a china doll telling war stories.
Pointing out every chip in the paint like there wasn't a single chip that you look at fondly.
Being looked at like a shard of glass in a room full of diamonds.
Breakable, and not worth keeping.
That is what it feels like.
It is the seeping.
Suffocating
Suffering.
The crown of thorns
As if every word you say might be another bible verse
But you still get crucified.
In the end.
Being broken. Makes you easier to throw away.

Tamera Pierce Aug 2017

Tomorrow

Through all of the turmoil in life
I want you to know...
I love you.
The time that will pass
Leaves a mark on you and I
Staining us forever.
We are the mirrored image of tomorrow.
I want to be your tomorrow.
I want to be your today.
I love you.
There will come a day when
things change
When the wind blows a different way
The ground will crumble beneath our feet.
I will scream out my loyalty.
I love you
There is no other peace but in your smile
I love you.
You are a glorious piece of my heart
The fabric of my story
I will never forget your voice
You are my endeavor
I love you.

I don't really think this is good. I just like the sentiment, I guess .

#love

Tamera Pierce Aug 2017

Remember me

Remember me as tear myself from your grasp.
Remember me as you cry in grief.
Remember  me in remorse.
I want to be remembered in every whisper.
I want to be a ghost around every one of your corners.
To be there to remind you of who you are.
I want to be the reflection into yourself.
Look at me and remember what you have done.
I am the reminder of the monster under your skin.
Remember me, and it may eventually die.

I am going to write two versions of this. one being the angry and resentful one that I just wrote, and one being a sad and true version of myself. Because I want to be angry and resentful, but honestly, I am sad and lonely. so I really want to represent both of those.

Tamera Pierce Jun 2017

Remember

I remember the distance of our hearts
As you walked away
For the one hundredth time.
You smiled and said
"Be back later,"
Before trailing behind the same kind of monster
To hunt for the thrill of killing.
The thrill of killing
Not the monster.
But yourself.
Because you too remember the way it felt to be knee deep in one million questions ******* you under.
"Why?"
Is the most common.
The one threatening to eat you the fastest.
It stares you in your face as you break and laughs.
This question mirrors every breath you take.
And i know you felt the way I feel.
I know.
I remember seeing you look human for the first time in years.
As you threatened to take your own life because the well had swallowed you up to your chest.
Mom.
I know.
I remember the purest moments of ourselves as you danced in the dim light to a country song.
I remember the times you grew into a bear to protect me from the lashing kind of monster you eventually began to follow.
I remember the first monster.
I remember the first time you chased that thrill.
But i can't remember a time when you said
"I love you,"
And meant it.
So now.
I hope that my walking away in the arms of the sunlight will become a memory to you.
I hope you take this as a reason to laugh back at the question
"Why,"
Because i did.
I laughed back and it told me the answer.
The answer saved me and told me to run.
The answer that question gave me is the reason why when I walked out the door a turned to tell you
"I won't be back."

Sorry for lower case I. I simply got too ahead of myself and I am too lazy to go back to fix it.

#mom #drugs #why #leaving #gone #question

Tamera Pierce Jun 2017

Bone Deep

If you look at someone skin level,
you will only see the labels we place on them.
Smart
Pretty
Kind
Fat
Emo
Lonely
Depressed
We never see them.
We see the things we want to see and tell them that
"yes, you are who I made you be."
But they aren't.
Because, if you move past the epidermis and look to bones
to dissect past the marrow and protein
we find their core.
A film strip playing every one of their actions on repeat.
This is who they are.

Upon arrival, you will be given two things.
One, popcorn,
and two, clarity.
Clarity to understand and see that their core proves that when
someone said
"actions speak louder than words,"
they understood that the core is the person
not who everyone pretends they are.
because we all know someone can preach about the devil
then go cheat on his wife
someone can swear to be your mother
then ***** up your life
someone can offer up a slice of cake
but instead
they slice up your spinal cord.
The world is full of masks that everyone has put on everyone else
but all it takes to find out who is underneath that mask
is to take it off.
Look past the basic and look for the core of a being.
find them.
Find me.

Yes, you are supposed to read that quote in Batman's voice.

#batman #core #being #find #bone #skin #cake

Tamera Pierce Apr 2017

Him

I saw him with fresh new eyes.
Reborn as he asked me what type of
jar
my heart was incased in.
I told him of painted dandelions on the side
and I thought of how we are just hoarders of hearts.
Or pieces of them.
A fragment of your mother's heart for everything you have
ever done
and will ever do.
I thought of how we hold a fragment of the heart of our first
Love
Crush
Kiss
Touch
We hold the hearts of every single ghost-like memory in our hands.
We stick them in jars and pretend like we didn’t paint flowers on them.

He is fragile.
We all are.
All of our jars will cut us when broken.
And nothing can stop the jar from being broken
Because people love to smash things
With all kinds of weapons
Battering rams
Baseball bats
Hands
Feet
Tongues
We love it.
Every open flesh wound
That is opened sets us free
Free to say “sounds beautiful”
And I speak of him with romance
Platonic romance I guess
I assume
I may never know
But I don’t care
I find peace in his words
And I hope he finds peace in mine
Because the world is so broken and
Full of
Glass shards
that drunken ******* have throw down.
Full of empty eyes
And pill bottles
I want to blame my mother and my father
And I want him to blame his father
But I can’t force either of our hearts
To do it.
No force of nature can make the anger appear
We aren’t god.
Nor will we ever be.
We will only ever be people
Talking
In the dead of night about what form of
captivity in which we hold our hearts.

Mar 2017

Haruhi

Tomorrow

My body aches.
My palms are sweaty.
My breathes are between screams.
Every time I'm with you.

My stomach is in knots.
I feel alive, I feel pain.
I feel the blood trickle down my throat
The sensation of a knife on my skin

Tear jerking thoughts of self mutilation flood into my mind.
My body is heavier, almost like cast iron.
I fall, knowing it will hurt you.
So I'm sorry.
Tomorrow I won't fall, so I won't hurt you.

Tomorrow you will be free.
I'll carry the burden of pain,
So you won't have to.
Tomorrow I will be stronger so I can carry,
My pain and yours as well.