I remember the distance of our hearts
As you walked away
For the one hundredth time.
You smiled and said
"Be back later,"
Before trailing behind the same kind of monster
To hunt for the thrill of killing.
The thrill of killing
Not the monster.
But yourself.
Because you too remember the way it felt to be knee deep in one million questions ******* you under.
"Why?"
Is the most common.
The one threatening to eat you the fastest.
It stares you in your face as you break and laughs.
This question mirrors every breath you take.
And i know you felt the way I feel.
I know.
I remember seeing you look human for the first time in years.
As you threatened to take your own life because the well had swallowed you up to your chest.
Mom.
I know.
I remember the purest moments of ourselves as you danced in the dim light to a country song.
I remember the times you grew into a bear to protect me from the lashing kind of monster you eventually began to follow.
I remember the first monster.
I remember the first time you chased that thrill.
But i can't remember a time when you said
"I love you,"
And meant it.
So now.
I hope that my walking away in the arms of the sunlight will become a memory to you.
I hope you take this as a reason to laugh back at the question
"Why,"
Because i did.
I laughed back and it told me the answer.
The answer saved me and told me to run.
The answer that question gave me is the reason why when I walked out the door a turned to tell you
"I won't be back."