Who am I ?

I patiently asked....
But my answers were not answered....

As i sit under the shed drinking a hunters
I layed all my motives
Under
My heart racin.... that's
A sound of a thunder

Who am I?
Asked my father
The answers i got....
Deviates from one another....
I thought of me and I
But they was the other....
My self
Hidden behind the shelf
Taking orders like an elf
Pointy ears
Strange fears
I heard
All in my head

Who am I in your eyes?🌹

Can I be the sun ray,
that brightens in many ways,
of the day that shines through,
all natural and ever glowing.

Can I be the cuckoo song,
that sets a tune without grammar,
of the lilting music to deaf ears,
all soothing and wonder inducing.

Can I be the thought,
that worships another thought,
of the superior one that I believe in,
all powerful and hope filling.

Can I be the rocky mountain,
that stands tall without emotion,
trapping the dark clouds in its arms,
ever calm and meaningfully inspiring.

Can I be the fancy mirror,
that shows my reflection without a bias,
keeping its judgment to itself,
so, I can answer finally, “who am I?”?

I am all the books I’ve ever read, all the movies I’ve ever seen, all the songs I’ve ever heard
I am the snippets of conversation I overhear in the dining hall
I am the scribbles on the chalkboard of my 11 am class
I am the coffee stains on my mother’s mail
I am the torn out pages of my journal
I am the whispers in library study rooms
I am the thumping music of the club I am too young to be in
I am the blood dripping from a wound made too fast too deep too careless
I am the popping in my ears as my plane steadily ascends beyond heights any person should go
I am the angry yelling I try not to hear
I am the deafening silence I wish would be interrupted
I am the heartbeat racing faster and faster and faster as I lay completely still in bed, head covered my my blanket
I am the too-loud laughter in early hours of the morning
I am the tears blurring vision as I receive bad news
I am hope
I am fear
I am hate
I am love
I am everything

Who was I before I met you?
Darkness and imperfection.
Who am I without you?
Sadness and depression.
Who am I with you?
Sunshine and perfection.

I thought to be able to know myself
I should be able to hear it
from other people's mouth
and that's where I am wrong

Because knowing "me"
is my responsibility to discover
Not the other way