I lie here soaked in my own confusion

My mind seems at dismay searching for its conclusion

I wonder why decisions I've made have my life in disarray

As I search for myself those memories replay

The seeds I've planted I hope one day will grow bright

Although now I remember, these seeds were bought in spite

-Joseph B Schneider

Lost
Hurt
Broken and chained
When will this suffering end?
Will I ever be free of you and your spiteful love
or will we be forever friends?
I would choose otherwise
but this is the pain I grew to love.

High on the mountain, overlooking the valley,
the valley where I was born, is a wooden bench.
Standing to attention are the bottom of the deep V
are houses, all the same, all in a row.
From the bench the village can be watched
It's comings and goings, the neighbours gossiping
talking about nothing and everything.
Everyone is there down below,
John the butcher, Dai the milk, Mair the bread,
Oliver's shop, where anything and everything was for sale.
A picturesque Welsh valley, where everyone is actually
Psychotic, and where you'll never leave except in a coffin feet first.
Those of us that get out, stay out.
Old feuds still burn, families not talking,
not remembering how it started.
Chocolate box prettiness masks the tension,
the hate, the jealousies, the negativity held
in the ***** of the valley.
How green was my valley?
It wasn't green, it's colour was red, like a hell fire.
Oh, the trees were green, the mountain was glorious
but that valley was poison.

Even you aren’t immune to despair
I can read you from here, I can beat you from there

You’re a zealot, you’re a widow
You’re a silhouette a shadow
You’re a superficial shallow piece of meat, baby

I’m allowed to say what’s on my mind
Cause according to you we are totally fine

You’re a liar and an object
That’s not taken out of context
That’s the only honest thing
That I’ve said all year

Loving you is like loving a mirror
I can see you in me, I am there, I am here

You’re a lone wolf
You’re about to engulf
Everything I love, every item on my bucket list

Even you can’t abandon a crisis
I call it criticism you call it kindness

You’re a genius
Saying it is meaningless
I don’t think you’re gorgeous I think you’re a goddess

---

I don’t know if you know what I think
But I know that you probably know we’re in sync

You are one with your anger
A lonely little doppelganger
Try to condescend with your silly little smile

I’m not sure if I hate or admire
That I never can tell if you’re fine or on fire

You’re a salty little devil
And we’ve got a score to settle
Do I really have to sit through this whole ******* play

Not that I know the way that it ends
Not to judge from the truth that her sarcasm lends

You’re a terrible example
You’re in ruin, you’re in shambles
Do you even know what mixed signal means?

I don’t like the direction this leads
This relationship has more than one set of needs

You’re incredible
You are terrible
Why do you think the whole world’s against you?

Even you know you’re not so unique
Why does love always fade at its absolute peak?

You’re the sum of my ambition
You’re a victim of contrition
Doesn’t everyone you meet mention how beautiful you are?

Is it really so hard to admit
That by saying you love me you were full of ****?

You’re a scam artist
Had to try my very hardest
Had to dress like a ******* tool to impress you

Even though you are once in a lifetime
I could use some help deciding, 50/50 lifeline

You are floating like a bubble
You’re about to be in trouble
When you spiral when you crash, girl

Even you aren’t content to obscurity
You are not that innocent don’t overplay your purity

Disappointed, battleplan disjointed
Even you’ll admit that this was destined to fail