She says it's nothing,
Because it should be nothing,
And She says it's nothing
Because it's so small,
Just like her,
That it's almost nothing anyway.
She says things like
I'm fine
And
It's okay
Because it's easier
Than breaking her front of strength
And showing you all the raw parts of her heart.
She swallows down hiccups and sobs,
And chokes out a broken and raspy
Don't worry about it.
Because she doesn't want to worry about it.
And most of the time
When she doesn't talk to you
And she's angry
She's not angry at you,
She's angry at herself.
Because when she's good, she's great.
She's sunshine and brighter days
And warmth and care
And quick wit
And maternal instincts
And gentle touches
And firm stances.
It's all I love you's and this is where I belong
But when she's bad,
It's a kind of darkness she doesn't even fathom.
It's Why do I even bother?
And I don't fit anywhere
And I try so hard to be the best I can be
But I'm still not good enough.
She's rainstorms that send her into panic attacks,
She's flashbacks after flashbacks.
She's itching scars and aching wrists
And being able to feel the blood in your veins.
She's cold, too cold, so cold,
With a hot temper that flares and burns
Every bridge and person she's ever cared for.
She's a bird with a broken wing,
And she can fly
But try as she might it's never right.
And when she's bad, it's do you love me do you love me do you love me
And when she gets worse it's suddenly and harshly
How could you love me?
She become shaking hands gripping the cold counter top for dear life,
Her need for self control begging her not to make a noise,
Not to cry or scream
Not to break the mirror--
But she wants to break the mirror because she can't stand the person she sees.
But when you reel her back in,
And pull her back down from her breakdown-esque break-away-from-you,
She's fragile and shaking,
But her pieces come back together strong enough to smile,
And she is small but she is slowly,
With ever the stubborn tenacity,
Getting better,
Getting stronger,
And more understanding.
Just remember to be gentle,
And when she asks you,
With fear hindering her vocal chords,
Making her all the more soft spoken,
"Am I really so bad?"
Remind her exactly why
You see anything in her at all.
