I can't count the days that you've been gone
But I can count the many tears that you have filled
I can't count the many lies that you've told
But I can count all the truths I have found and burned
Against my better judgement, I did it for you
I ignored the itching feeling that something was wrong

Against my will you've invaded my mind
As soon as I think I have finally won,
That you are finally gone
You return once more
Once again a shadow in my thoughts

I take all my pillows and try to suffocate
Every memory that tries to come to life again
And like some ethereal force you rip them out of my hands
So that all I think about is you
The shadow in my thoughts

Sometimes on particularly rainy days
I’ll find myself face down on a paper.
I’ll finger paint it will tear soaked pads
And I’ll brush a mosaic on my pillowcase
Letting
It
   Sink
           In
I’ll mail the blank page to your doorstep
And sleep comfortably in a sea of hasty brush strokes

Maybe this won’t change your life
But our secret will be kept safe.