One roll of quarters on my desk
hoarded for a rainy day
two books with pages cut out
my failed attempt at art
three textbooks staring accusingly at me
you should be studying, they chant
four nail trimmers because its a compulsive habit
to stop my nails from cutting my hands when I make a fist
five vinyl figures of my favorite characters
giving my courage when I feel scared
Peter
Dean
Steve
Mike
Dany

six spoons
not sure about that one
seven bottles of paint
waiting until the urge hits
eight dvds
from lonely nights when the wifi doesn't work
nine half-filled notebooks
waiting for a finished story, or notes, or anything
ten hardback books
that I haven't read in years

my room

Such strong defining words
pushing back the thoughts.
Can't think.
Hyperventilate
The numbers combining
and lost in a jumble of unknown
acronyms forbidding the use of
adjectives and nouns.
Unsure of what to put
The clock runs out of time.
Deprived of the right to completion
in a world where numbers mean
everything and words are just
starting to show.
Why can't people make notice
Of the important notes in life
An just forget about the numbers.

as i sit here, typing the way i learned how to in the fourth grade,
i feel my head being weighed down by my thoughts.
i'm scared to get on the scale because they surely have doubled my body weight, crushing my confidence between their thunder thighs.
it takes a lot of self-persuasion to convince myself that i am not made up of numbers.
i am not the amount of bones in my body,
i am not the result of a test,
i am not what i dial into my phone just to hear your voice mail recording,
i am not the numbers on the scale.
three digits are terrifying, two bring solace to my night.
but do they really?
are two digits enough to stop the thoughts in my mind from running before my body catches up?
"******". "obese". "huge". "disgusting".
how can TWO DIGITS get rid of these thoughts?
newsflash: they can't.
two digits don't do as much as i used to hope.
my body is finally keeping pace with my mind and i'm realizing that there is more to life than numbers.

one, two, three
you stole the heart in me
four, five, six
you are such a *****
seven, eight, nine
i thought that you were mine
now, *ten—
ten is where it ends.

—India Levee