i accepted the apology i never got
the one that was instead replaced by a car door slamming
or maybe it was glass shattering
or the drone of an unanswered cell phone
i cant  really remember
i dont miss your bladed fingertips and how they traced new blood into the scars on my skin
i dont miss how you dodged bullets like hanging questions  - however that saying goes
its true how they say hind sight is 20/20
clarity only comes after the storm has long been passed
ive never been one to long for the rain to fall across my chest because my heart stopped beating the day after the fields flooded
and for the longest time, i would pass your street and imagine myself drowning in puddles and hoping that you were the one to find me face down

i used to think death would be the best payback
that unsaid words would echo in your ears as you tried to fall asleep
but now i take pride in the life that I'm living

the one that no longer lists you as a character

youre not even a footnote

you can question why im calling you out in one of my poems, but youre the one that told me to follow my dreams even if it hurts people.

so if youre reading this or youre out there somewhere waiting for me to drag myself through the mud to find you: *******.

i found myself and thats more important than someone who sits on the sidelines and calls himself a member of the team

Have fun playing with - I mean by yourself.

love - noun
deep affection, fondness, intimacy
-where your jaw drops to the floor and
your heart beats out of your chest like a cartoon character
past tense
-where time slowed down, or even came to a stop
because you locked eyes with this one person across the room
and your entire future flashed through your mind
like a projector streaming home videos on a
sheet hung upon your living room wall
but it didnt last and eventually time caught back up
and you ran out of film
so again you were stuck holding your own hand

love - verb
adoration, worship, idolize
do you love me?
could you ever love me?

dont answer that