Don't lose your head to gain a minute -
You need your head, your brains are in it!
Romances are wrecked before they begin,
By a hair on the coat
Or too few on the chin.
Many a forest used to stand
Where lit matches got out of hand.
Henry the eighth,
Prince of fiskers,
"Lost" five wives but kept his whiskers!
My neck was sore in front before,
And also sore behind once more.
The Cannibals took just one view,
And said,
"They look too nice to stew."
Holler! Half a pound
For half a dollar, isn't that a cheerful earful?
Hello, Druggist!
I don't mean maybe -
Yes, sir! That's the baby!
Listen. Knock on wood
When offered something "just as good."
Give the guy
The toe of your boot
Who tries to hand you a substitute!
A big improvement since the war
Is now on sale in your drug store.
He saw the train
And tried to duck it,
Kicked first the gas & then the bucket!
In seventy years of brushin' soap on,
Gramps could've painted the pentagon.
The whale put Jonah
Down the hatch,
But coughed him up because he scratched!
5-star generals & privates first class
Show equal rank in the looking glass.
Clancy's whiskers
Tickle Nancy,
Nancy lowered the boom on Clancy!
Is he lonesome or just blind-
This guy who drives so close behind?
The safest rule,
No ifs or buts,
Just drive like everyone else is nuts!
For early morning pep & bounce,
A brand new product we announce!
Train approaching,
Whistle squealing, pause!
Avoid that rundown feeling, cause!
When the stork delivers a boy,
Our whole **** factory jumps for joy.
Although insured,
Remember kiddo,
They don't pay you - they pay your widow!
Phi Alpha to Zeta Beta Tau?
Zionest & fascist conspired?
Maybe they all believe in Xenu now!
