some time ago
you'd be in front of me,
look at me and put on a smile
that i thought was sincere at the time,
and i'd sit there unable to bring myself to speak.

it started
when you looked
at me with those icy blue eyes
with your blonde hair under the sunlight
and smiled at me like I had so much
to give you.

i'm sorry i gave you so
much of nothing
and i'm sorry i wasted your time
with sappy lines
that you probably make fun of now.

i thought i was long over it
but there wasn't really a bridge i could cross
and the water was deeper than i anticipated
and i didn't know how to swim,
but i swear i tried and tried.

even now, when you were on the other side of the room,
so happy,
our eyes met, and your eyes had never been
so cold.
i couldn't come up with enough synonyms to tell you how i was
so speechless.
when you stared my way for a second, could you tell i was
so empty?
and when you faintly remembered i existed your smile felt
so missing.

but i can't find the words i lost
or spit out the words still stuck in my throat.
it was just a glance, but if you cared
you'd be able to tell i'm still trying and trying
to forget and look at you like i would anyone else.

but even when i go to all these places
to clear my head,
all that runs through my mind
are the things i can't forget.

My heart
always longs for you
And I think
if it has hand
It will always,
Always reach for you

I can't know enough about you.