I awoke unhinged, just as the curtain in the back room,
The pale blue reminded me of what the sky could be,
When it didn’t look like gloom.
Single fabric rippled against a windowpane,
Mocking me in my solitude,
Ridicule for my foul mood.
Their twin horrified,
Scrutinising during a manic moment,
Keeping themselves securely tied.
I’m sure they look down on me as well as their sister,
The pair of us once neatly laced, now dishevelled-
Result of a nasty hormone blister.
But their sister and I
Bathe in different consequences,
My being suffers from the inevitable expenses.
I sink, I don’t float.
I seethe, I don’t sway.
I’m real, I’m forced to feel.
The curtain has no eye that aches,
No grease ridden hair, or skin that flakes.
The curtain can easily be pushed back in place,
Unfortunately, with me, that fails to be the case.

I have no plans for after high school,
And man, I've got no fuel,
Sitting round' the house lazy,
Imma' end up in a whirlpool,
Letting the tide take me,
Letting the bride break me,
Letting the pride wake me,
Letting the guide make me,
The tide carries me to danger zones,
In this water, there's too many stones,
And all these crazy hormones,
Tryna' take me to ladies' moans,
Tryna' get me stuck and distract me,
Making me a schmuck avoiding reality,
I've been struck with insanity,
I'll let these waters pull me through humanity,
And now we're onto the bride,
That chooses not to abide,
By the law of love and life,
Which clearly states the following,
"Don't go out on dates for love you're just borrowing.",
Because there's no way to give it back,
That would just leave a hole or a crack,
In the heart of the one you stole from,
Leaving them broken, hurting or numb,
And then the pride tries to take over,
But I never let it get closer,
To my control panel,
Cause it would mess up the channel,
That my life is playing on,
From Saudi Arabia to the Amazon,
Worldwide, we all let the guide make us,
But don't let it take over, it'll break us,
It's the system, it's a down,
It's Hillsong, it's Chris Brown,
It's anything that can be imagined,
And anything that can't,
It could even be a dragon,
It could be an eggplant,
It grows on our thoughts,
So, we're all at a loss,
Because we won't stop thinking,
And we won't stop blinking,
And we won't stop drinking,
And we won't stop sinking,
In this well that we're digging,
But we still keep grinning,
And my eyes are stinging,
And my ears keep ringing,
Because something keeps on trying to tell me,
How to escape reality when I'm ready,
But I'm blind and I'm deaf,
And my mind is a chef,
That cooks up these thoughts,
That brings me fantasies,
Things that I'd rather not,
Keep in my mind, it's a fallacy,
And all it does is bring me agony,
See how fast the subject changes,
The thoughts flow, all these rearranges,
I better stop now, I could go on for ages,
Talking about nonsense, the pain and the painless,
But it's so hard to end these things,
That's why sometimes I end abruptly...

My birth control is making
Me crazy again.
Breakdown, rage, comfort,
Repeat. Repeat.

Like clockwork,
I have to remind myself that
"I'm no monster", "it's the hormone",
"I swear I still crave you".

My love for you is
A radiant bloom, being
Suppressed and bullied by the
Bushes bearing thorns.

My hatred for you is
The shell of the bird that
Traps the life inside, leading
It to claw it's way out to breathe.

Wait for me to emerge,
My shell is holding me back
As a safety protocol.
I have not been born yet.