I seem to be a man,
it comes with ups and downs
and sometimes I don’t get my way,

but like an adult,
and broken-heartedly, a woman,
I’ll try to be OK

sixteen thoughts from my sixteenth birthday

1. you're more beautiful than the sky

2. you're the smartest person I know

3. you understand

4. you make me happier than anyone else on earth

5. ******* you are beautiful

6. you treat me like a queen

7. I'd treat you like one too

8. I'll treat you a million times better than some ******* ever could

9. all I want to do is hold you and make sure you're alright

10. you're amazing

11. GOD I WANT YOU SO BAD

12. I THOUGHT I WAS OVER YOU BUT ******* IT IM NOT

13. EVERYTHING HAS GONE SPIRALING BACK

14. IM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU

15. BUT YOULL NEVER LOVE ME LIKE I LOVE YOU AND THE PAIN IS COMING BACK AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

16. ******* IT WHY AM I STILL SO IN LOVE WITH YOU

It isn't until
I'm hunched over in a bathroom stall
and my mouth tastes like stomach acid
that I realise I'm not better
and I'm not sure I want to be.