I want to write the kind of book you recommend to people you love, the kind of book that you spend days and nights and countless hours rereading and scribbling in and folding down pages. I want the spines of these books to wither and wear with how greatly it is loved, I want the pages to smell like coffee and tears and perfume from that time you left it open in your backpack. I want my books to be cherished and studied and wondered about, to speak to generations and to mean something. I want people to know it, to quote it, to hold it dear. I want people to take inspiration from it and use it as a tool, to love better, to write again, to find their place. I want my imagery to be a home for you, to hold you in its arms and cradle you until you feel peace. I want my stories to take you on journeys you rarely want to return from, to open your mind to galaxies and souls and the eyes of the old and young, I want them to breathe life into you and help you grow. When I dream of writing, I picture café tables and mug stains on soft wood, I picture thick rimmed glasses and autumn days or summer nights. I think of floor boards and tall grasses and heavy trees with thick waxy leaves rustling with the wind. I think of faded titles, cozy back seats, and a flannel blanket that smells like camp fire and nighttime. I want to publish books that feel like those moments, that speak to people so broken they can't breathe, so happy they can't speak, or so lost that a compass couldn't show them how to look for the north star. I want to write for people with tears in their eyes or goosebumps on their skin, the ones who laugh with their whole heart, smile with their whole faces, or cry like they've never known how to do anything else. I want to strike a chord in them, to touch souls and memories and traumas, I want to find their roots, to speak to them on levels they didn't know they had, to connect and understand and teach and learn. I want to interact. I have been broken and jealous and defeated, I have been sad, and scared, and alone. I have been so happy that I could burst and so devastated that I thought I might lose myself completely. I've changed so many times and been reborn over and over, I've felt the overwhelming grace of forgiveness and the strong current of love, I've felt blind rage and justified anger, I've felt curiosity and confusion and adoration... I've felt so much for so long that I long to share it with people. I long to live and be alive for all of the moments that I wished I wasn't, I long to chase my hopes and dreams and remind those who will listen that it is never too late, that love is alive and that the world is capable... so capable. I want to inspire them to look at their hands and see greatness, to look at the sky and see brilliance, to look at their goals and see possibility. I don't want to write something that gets swept under the rug like dust or old toys, I want my words to matter to someone, to help someone, to inspire belief, or encourage conviction, commitment, or change. I want people to hear my voice and feel in their soul that they are not alone, that there is hope and there are genuine hearts in the world. I want them to see and have faith that these things exist, that good is powerful and it is not limited to one or two things but a vast ocean of things. I want my words to be a reflection of my life and I want my life to mean something, to imprint itself on those around me and be an example of how to love. I want to love so recklessly and unabashedly that it stuns you, that it makes you want to love too. I want to love and be loved with the intensity of a thousand moons over a million oceans, willing them to rise and break against the shore. I want to be unmoved and unchanged by bitterness or hatred and I want my work to reflect that, to bring that desire to life in anyone who reads it. I want to change the world one person at a time and create a time and place where people love and do good unconditionally, were they see those who need help and help them, where they remember that it's okay to be selfish sometimes and it's okay to fight for their own happiness, I want to show people that it's alright to love and enjoy anything and everything, that they should love and enjoy more, that they should share those experiences and open their hearts over and over again because to love after being broken is an indescribable feeling, a vibrating and pulsing thing that surges through you like lighting. I want people to feel that, to spark joy in each other, and to read again. I want people to read my work and be able to say that it moved them. That it did something, anything, to their heart or soul or perception, that it made them weep or laugh or show even a moment of kindness to anyone. I want to open hearts to the idea that love does not have to be reciprocated to be felt, that love is an all encompassing thing and it is okay to feel it. That the pain or worries of love can be tools of growing and learning and loving more. Love is more than romance and sweet words in the ear of someone you fancy, love is an undeniable force, a beautiful connection between us all if only we'd allow ourselves to feel it. To understand it and master it. I want that to be my message even if I never live to see it.
