In the moments before death my brain had flooded with DMT  
And I could see in my mind’s eye all of the best that had been between us.
From somewhere above my body I silently screamed that the DNR was a mistake
I was comforted then in knowing that you would soon follow me into the dark
-a willing victim of our shared cancer.
I had seen your hospice nurses and heard your death rattles for years.
Even still I longed so much for you to grab the paddles and force me back
but we had agreed not to resuscitate;
so paralyzed I watched my life leave.

It was first with a whimper and then with sobs
that I grasped wildly around the small pitch box
in search of you who had promised to die with me.
I found instead more darkness, the smell of dirt
and that not even the ghost of you had come to lay.

I can sometimes hear you eulogize my goodness from above
when you come to pick the flowers I’m growing with what is left of me.
I won’t reach for you anymore as I did last night.
I will lie very still.
Without a whimper.

i breathe in pain
and exhale art
i smoke freedom
to handcuff dark

brush stroke feelings
flit my escape
i shift notion
like fire flies

yellow shades blue
our canvas dies
i am in lieu
do not revive

DNR

my glacier blues stared down into the darkest browns.

I said, "I don't want be brought back. Be it a sudden death, stroke, whatever, maybe a heart attack.  Let me go if its my time.  If its my turn I'll gladly go, hey, even in my prime."

the darker didn't understand,  or didn't want know.
I was saying goodbye if it was my time to go....

I am DNR.
Arguing on their point to want to live. They didn't get too far.

They made threats, bickered, but I just smiled and said, "Its ok baby. I'm a sensitive RockStar..." 

With a DNR