#borderline poems on Hello Poetry

A Simillacrum Feb 2019

If I can identify the problems with
the actions that I take, and the moves that I make
mere seconds after flapping my lips, or
twisting my lips, then

why do I do what I do?
I don't know.
If you're asking whether I think
it's a good thing, or
a bad thing. . .

How long   is it before
"just what I do"    delivers
you to prison walls from paradise?
How far   is too far, to
let my personality drag my brain around?

If I'm self aware, I'm on the borderline.
Control me, will you, my rampant ways?
I have you centered in my sights better
than I ever have, and it's now I think to tell
myself, Action must yield choices more
than Piety or Wantonness. As a for instance,
if I see myself clearly, can I drop the gun
as long as I develop disclosure and transparency?

I'm ******* you, I already know my answer's yes.
From my experience, honesty invites
the utter end of communion,
and from this, you inherit an abject loneliness.

#notion #rain #traumatic #visions #borderline #coping

Richard Yeans Jan 2019

Wasted Meats

She was hungry, peaked and breathless
“I’m starving”
Words meant to manipulate
I capitulate
“How big is the salami?”
“Roll it up with cream cheese, have you ever
Had it like that?”
I go to the kitchen
And carefully, lovingly roll the soft, silky cheese
Into slices of bologna.
This was not salami.
“What the **** is this?  This is not salami.”
“I’m sorry, baby.  I didn’t realize it until...”
“*******, you’re stupid.  Get out of my face.
Now two pieces
Of bologna have gone to waste”.
I look over gently, “I’m sorry”.
She says “shut up, don’t touch me, how could you?” with venom
I was guilty of not knowing my lunch meats
And wasting the precious cheeses within them.

#mental #illness #toxic #relationships #unconditional #love #borderline #personality #disorder #family

Em Quinn Jan 2019

scarlett.

i always associated the colour scarlett with a brightness.
the love of valentines day or the blush filling one's cheeks on a chilly saturday.
scarlett meant life to me,
and i never thought it'd represent opposite.

scarlett was love.

scarlett was a heart shaped box of chocolates,
the sparkle of fireworks,
a can of cranberry sauce on thanksgiving day.

scarlett was optimism.

scarlett was a thank you card,
a bright balloon at a birthday celebration,
or the painted lips of a woman on a first date.

scarlett was never meant to be pain.

scarlett wasn't meant to be a sharp bracelet of numbness,
a sleeve of anger that melted into the floor,
or the cold emptiness that accompanied silver.

scarlett wasn never meant to be anger.

scarlett wasn't meant to be the screaming i hear in my head at night,
the holes in the door,
or the deep stain of aggression falling against my knuckles.

the first syllable seems to fit too well nowadays.

i'm struggling.

#bpd #ocd #anger #angry #depressed #anxiety #anxious #despression #mentalillness #borderline

Valarola Nikola Jan 2019

Am I Suffocating, Please Let Me Know.

Suffocating in my problems,
At the bottom of the bottle,
And yeah maybe I got a problem,
Or maybe I'm a psychopath,
Because my doctor's convinced,
It wasn't me it was the medications,
So am I crazy and addicted,
or am I just plain insane in the head?

Slit my wrists and close my eyes,
Take me away to the heaven they call paradise,
Because this world I'm living in is surely hell,
So someone please send me some ******* help,

Will my drawer full of containers,
That once had cough syrup,
Convince you of my issues,
Or do I need to pull out the tissues?
Please I'm drowning in myself,
Choking on my self hatred and doubt,
That I really need to get admitted,
I've got problem, can't admit it,

Slit my wrists and close my eyes,
Take me away to the heaven they call paradise,
Because this world I'm living in is surely hell,
So someone please send me some ******* help,

Down a bottle of these pills and sleep,
Take me away to a place with endless sheep,
To count and comfort me, because I find such little here,
Someone please send me there, send me there, send me there.

#suicide #coughsyrup #drugs #addiction #cough #syrup #alcohol #alcoholism #bipolar #borderline

kyla marie Jan 2019

Early Bird

the early bird gets the worm, right?
wrong.

the early bird inches her way out of her nest in the morning, longing to stay snuggled up next to her lover.

the early bird leaves early so she can afford the rent on her nest that is falling apart.
the early bird goes to work and gets an early start on her day, just to come back home to an empty nest and sleep for three more hours.

the early bird takes long and scolding hot baths to ease her aching joints and to participate in some “self care”, even though it never really works.
the early bird stares at herself in the reflection of the faucet and dissociates.

the early bird takes some sleeping pills and tries to fall asleep at a reasonable time, so she can be an early riser the next day, too.
the early bird tosses and turns.

the early bird thinks about the dishes that are not done.

the clothes are not washed.

lunch isn’t made for tomorrow.

the early bird has three tests this week in college and hasn’t studied for a single one.

the early bird hasn’t had *** in a week.

the early bird feels unnoticed.

the early bird feels like she is not enough.

the early bird feels like she will never be enough.

this is the first poem I have been compelled to write after about 5 years of not writing.
I wrote this in my bathtub.

#love #depression #borderline #personality #disorder #psychology #college #young #tired #lonely