The caption of your most recent picture says "new place",
which is true since your new apartment is in the background.
But I keep wondering if you mean you're in a new place in a bigger sense,
emotionally, without me.
What is it like there?
Is the grass greener? Does it rain more or less?
Are you finally happy?

I have had very little say in how things panned out,
As I realized when I cried in your bed for hours that night
And you still didn't change your mind.
However, there is one thing I would like a say in.
Do not remember my puffy eyes in the morning,
Or how I couldn't look at you as I walked out of your door.
Instead, remember the exact way I fit against your body
When you held me for the last time.

Remember how invincible we felt together,
The times you sang to me and I just watched you
because you are so beautiful.
Remember the first time we watched the stars together,
I followed your finger as it pointed out the big dipper.
A plane flew across the night sky and connected with its tail,
Everything in that moment felt right,
I thought it was heaven's way of promising
That we would never lose this feeling.

Remember the night you told me about your childhood,
How all you wanted to be as a child was a father.
I knew I loved you that night.
Remember the way we all laughed,
When your best friend said he'd see me again soon,
None of us knew at the time that it would turn out to be a lie.

Remember that night we went out in your hometown
(Yes the night we helped your friend get laid).
The crowd thinned out as the night went on
Until there was so much room on the dance floor,
Remember my laugh as you twirled me around.
That was the night you told me you wanted to love me,
Remember the way I kissed you right after.
Remember how happy I was that night,
That is how happy I had hoped to make you for the rest of my life.

Do you also wake up in the middle of the night and almost reach for me
because you forgot that I'm not there anymore?
I slept next to someone else last night,
But I had a dream that I was next to you,
And I have never felt more disappointed in my life than in that moment when I woke up.
I can't tell which is worse, the disappointment or
Trying to sleep while holding myself together because it feels like everything is about to spill out of me.

According to everyone I should just go meet someone else,
but it's not that easy.
I have no interest in talking to anyone when I'm sober,
When I'm drunk I just end up telling everyone about you.
I can't tell if I'm waiting for someone to confirm that you're never coming back
Or for someone to lie to me so I can feel better for the night.

Can I ***** out all my feelings too, along with the *****?
I almost thought I had, the night I was dry heaving into the morning.
That was the night I got so drunk I couldn't stop asking everyone I saw
Why
Didn't
You
Love
Me?
I'm sure all the strangers in the room thought I was crazy.
I have dreams about you all the time and even in my dreams,
You still don't love me.

If I stare at your Facebook chat bubble long enough,
Will I see the three dots of you beginning to type a message?
If I stare out my window long enough,
Will I see you walking towards my front door?
I still want to punch a hole through the wall whenever I hear a song that you used to sing to me.
That's become particularly annoying
since the Chainsmokers got popular.
Apparently I can't get over you
while still listening to your SoundCloud playlists
But I'm not sure what else is worth listening to.

The other day, my friend commented on how fast I walk.
I told him it was because I had gotten used to your speed
since you're much taller than me.
In reality, I think it's just to make up for the parts of my life
that haven't been moving at all.

You should never date someone with the same music taste as you because there will be songs that you sing together at 3 in the morning when you're tangled together in bed that you won't be able to listen to again for a very long time. I used to never let anyone kiss me in public because I knew one day when I walk past that very spot it will take everything I have to keep walking. I used to never bring anyone home because I never wanted my bed to feel like it was missing something. Every time I look up at the sky at night, I think of the time you showed me where the big dipper was and how we watched an airplane connect perfectly to the end of it. It was like everything connected in that moment and I wanted nothing more than to somehow keep it forever. There's nothing but a big hole in the sky now.

Something about the way you held me,
It made me feel safe and calm for the first time in my life.
Like if you held me tightly enough, I would stop falling apart.
You looked at me like I wasn't shattered,
You believed I could be put back together.
That was when I knew I couldn't stay.