Hauled over the back end of the bed
spread eagled and faced down,
plunging your **** deep inside
***** deep is when you decided to say I love you,
but you couldnt say it when I said it looking into your eyes
at my birthday dinner and June was there watching.

----------------

i flicked the toast over
buttered side to buttered side
just the way you liked it
it was a small thing
I didn't do anymore
you never said a word,
but you knew not to complain
It was the apartment in Brussels when I surprised you
I noticed the toast
and smell of her *** on your fingers.

-----------

She he pushed her stiletto heel into his **** as he both begged her not to and calling her god. She knew he liked it but it kind of left her feeling disappointed. She was rather hoping she was enough.

------------

******* are funny things
I usually forget all about them
excpt when you walk in the room
they just want to leap out and attach themselves to your mouth
clamouring for the privilege of being first.

--------------


your words are sharp and cruel
the sudsy sink hides the long blade clutched
slowly prying opening up a clamshell
your body is rude, imposing,
poking and prodding.
still I can't help but gasp as fingertips nuzzle into my crotch
anticipation of the violence used to free the tight hollow
but this time is different, somehow wary
gently tugged to the side, thumb caressing lips
Puckered crevices fill as soft nudges burn with warmth
gently deeper,
the handle clutched tighter trying to grasp on to anything solid
The veil now lifted you sink below me leaving me with authority
i sudden shock wet lips on wet lips pulses of pleasure ripple
suddenly Im moving into you begging for more
smooth skin glides up my calf and inner thigh the knife released
to Shepard you in you resist mesmerized that the tables have turned so easily,
Finally with all the confidence of a tyrant you begin unleash yourself only you froze, pulled out and walked away.
For ***** sake! and I swore to my self I would drive that god ****** knife into your heart today. You *******! And just like that. The game just changed.

-------------------

Coffee for one again
usually there's two
so you must be ******
was it when I mentioned that name
yu know, when we were both writhing naked on the floor?
It was a simple comparison.
Why so sensitive?
It only happened once.

----------------

the jam sat on the table next to the tea and scones
eyes over easy we looked at each other as she pottered around looking for the cucumber for her sandwiches, she found it in an odd place
and served them as if she had served the queen. We ate them of course most satisfyingly as she harped on about what you did and didn't like
we both agreed we especially liked our cucumber sandwiches,
all the while with your hand in my thighs.

this cool day and light southerly breeze captures me

and in it I find relevance to you.

this is the feeling I get when I am in your presence

the soulful comfort of being home

on the soil that raised me,

on the wind that cooled me

and the rain that refreshed me.

but in that feeling there is another layer

the outer layer. the feeling of loss,

like the wind pushes me this way and that

and the thunder clapping warnings and that fear that strikes me

and the mud that dirites my dress and clogs my shoes

and the freezing draft that leaves me shiver,

and I see the rainbow after I venture back from that crazy escapade

its not the warm and fuzzy picture is was for me.

those are the colours of broken light through my tears

and I will never hold a rainbow in such high regards again

its a fools trick designed for the devils laughter

and though I know my pain is your pain

I wont fight the gods here.

I will wait and plot for the hereafter.

then you don't get the message.

its been fun.

but I gotta run.

this isn't as free thinking a place as I wanted it to be.

I know where I am from and where I am going.

see you when I get there.

the writing on the wall

says it all

if you need me My HP FRIENDS  you will know where to find me.

you would have looked beyond

the smallness of one thought

nothing is as dangerous as an idea when it is the only one you have.

don't worry I have far too many to ever be considered a real threat

till then I'll take a break and say adieu

my friends I will be back to read what you do

till then I offer my love and thoughts in lieu.

HugSS.

Agony and delight

You swish past my mind at the most unseemly times

you plunge straight into my heart

pulling it down tight like an elastic band

and you finger it till I want to throw out some profanity

heart strings trigger fear and hate. loathing and love

I lose myself enmeshed amongst the layers of sanity[?]

I scrape the skin from under my nails hoping to find traces of you there.



I can not lie.

I can not confess

I dont understand this mess.

or you. or me. or us.

I crave and I misbehave

I miss and I dismiss

I feel and I reel

***** **** dust or

crimson lace and black love?



nonsense on top of nonsense

it never made sense

but it always felt right

it was never easy

always too hard to ignore



where are you now?

in every cell, in every memory

in every space, in every moment

a part of me

apart from me



love you.

miss you.

it is as simple as that

thats all there is and

all there ever will be.

the air silent with the memory



the images remain



there was once life and hell here



something of description filled the space



children chattering and making noise



always breaking something



neighbours yelling across the way



angy taxi drivers honking their horns



mothers hurrying to the market with their children



not a sound above the wind travels through here now.



no lonely pup begging for food



no children with tear stained faces awaiting charity.



no putrid smells of the unwashed ablusions



no rats crawling through the spaces



nothing.



even the rubble gives no clues to what was here



not one tangible identifyable piece of life or living



if only it would all come back, every stinking bit of it,



but it cant. not even God can fix it.



we lost our way.

I like because I like.
I follow because I really like the potential of your expression.
I don't and wont like to gain a following
I write for me.
I write for you.
You can see it if you want to.
I like and I never unlike because before I like
it has to be worthy.
I never like for likes sake,
I never like to be polite.
I never like it to be done to me
So only like if you would do unto me as I would do unto you;
Follow me as I follow you;
and save emotion and time in not having an action of mine
misconstrued.
Hugss.

this is you kind of weather,the early morning cool air,birds chiriping,your **** in my mouth

Folder: OBSERVATIONS...
its the morning wake up ritual at is mediocrity

you want to sleep in

I want to run along side the birds

I boil the kettle it hums as you snore

I wish I had your company

you wish you had more time

we dont fit together well

but we're okay today because at least we both woke up in the same place

although we dont ever understand why.

Folder: God Consciousness
It seems Im lost again.

Im looking through eyes reflected in the mirror

no windows there.



I called and there was no answer.

I cut deals with cheques I couldnt possibly cash.

a desperate act.



the darkness seems to fill up my hollow like smoke.

the white mist of creativity turned haphasard dust floating in swirls of pretty nothingness.

its not evil or sad.



its hovering close by and I can feel it,

and I wonder what it is that i have done to make it flee me again

I know what it is.



hell, I dont even know why or whats going on.

I asked for a way to go there where it was.

is there no wrong healed by my right?



Sorry is a perfunctory word with a perfunctory action.

Its not enough.

it never was.



-----------------------------



its time to admit and move on,

my precious babe I did you wrong,

go peacfully into the light,

I dont deserve to have you near,

its selfish and horrid as it appears.

spread your soul and bring your wings to flight,

i kiss you good bye,

and love you so,

and hope one day we will make it so right

to meet again in a new light.

you are my biggest regret

I must let go.

go in peace my gentle soul,

I will always love you so.





-------------------------





dear love, who ive died a thousand deaths for,

I give you my word,

but my heart I will guard.

I have no understanding of this strange love.

to not want anything but our souls to touch.

I can not see you in my dreams anymore,

to do so drags my soul into darkness,

we have to pay the price of ultimate love.

I can not find the words,

let them be seen in my eyes,

felt across the ways,

I have a love so true oh how they love me I can never count the ways

the truth of proof is too much to bare.

I can not hurt anyone more with my love if it should be divided in two,

the most deserving of my soul,

has the purity of heart.

and your earthly incarnation is not fit for my soul.

the ache in my heart will ever grow as this love prospers

but I owe it to them to show,

that what we have made is real, in truth and wonderful goodness,

what we have made is a blemish.

a soul contract unsactioned

and it can no longer stand alone under the banner of true love.

I send you my warmth and pray that you will find

another love as pure as gentle as mine.

that has seen you grow, and understand that we are not of the physical kind,

and I can offer you nothing now but good will and a friendship to stand till the end of this time,

and space to heal.





-------------------------------





I hope my soul has heard my call,

I miss it so much more than I took for granted.

if you are there, where can I reach you?

I have cut down every branch but yours

yet still you answer me not.

will I have to prove as I have in the past?

let me come home please

I beg you

to the last

tell me where I must come

so that I may reach you

and show you

you are welcome home?



I miss you most of all.

The distance between us seems endless

Yet you're only 2 feet away by measure

I wish I could reach you like I used to,

You know, in the way that a look,

or a penetrating thought could

Or that soul song we used to sing

when the world seemed perfect

Where You fluttered like a moth

And I danced like a flame

When I resonated through you

And your eyes used to burn deep into me

When your touch electrified

And my kiss hypnotised

As you sleep dreaming of flightful fancies

I hope I meet you there soon

But first, stop your ****** snoring!

I've died a thousand cruel deaths

at the mercy of your heart



**** me softly,

**** me with thunder

hollow me out

or let me waste away.



**** me with

that forked tounge,

Those piercing eyes,

and lump of ice in your chest.



You take my vanity,

You steal my warmth

and tear my sanity.



Go ahead

**** the rest

what does it matter?



You've proved a thousand times

I am unworthy of your best.



Pain is mandatory

more deaths and reserections

to come.



Yet, hope against hope

I still wish I could find

your ****-switch.

This cold place reminds me of you.
The icicles hovering precariously overhead. No fire to warm me no arm to protect me.
Just staligmightes of tears rising to your falling fears.
Theres never enough salt.

The knife sat embedded in the cheese
the figs sliced open and offering themselves up
you walked out and left me holding the wine
it was good cheese, good wine
I'm still trying figure
exaclty when you got ******.
was it the figs?
*******.

strange tides bring me here to this old place

long chained thoughts still bring me back  into your dark spaces

tiny places in my cold heart still beating with your traces


light feathery touches brush my soul

a soul song calls upon the winds pulling us near wherever

tiny etherial love threads still tangle us together


the wide sea of longing hides my hopes

I lay upon a rock in the calm of the dead sea praying

tiny glimpses of faith hold my love devoutly unswaying


bring yourself home to me my soul love

let death win as we shall when our hearts an souls from sheaths will rise

let us claim what this world will despise, love eternal, our greatest prize.

holding on to love unknown
in a world of crashing hopes
and failing dreams

we are two souls
yearning for places in hearts we don't own.

**** I've got writers block, but -
Oh no! It's gone...
**** I've got writers block, I -
Oh no it's gone...
**** I've got writers block, still -
Oh no it's gone...
**** I've got writers block, manage -
Oh no it's gone...
**** I've got writers block, to -
Oh no it's gone!...
**** I've got writers block, write, write -
Oh no it's gone...
**** I've got writers block, something -
Oh no it's gone...
**** I've got writers block, hypocritically -
Oh **** it's done!

Oh Im tired of trying not to offend.
speaking diplomactically till the end
well if you arent offending anybody you havent stood up for anything
silence is deafening so are the words you want them to hear.
shout it out to the world
the biggest '*******!' ever heard!

---------

******* terrorists here and ******* terrorists there
whatever. Call yourself a religious man? I see a  devious zelot holding hands unwittingly with the devil.sure did a number on your *****.
whatever.
Call yourself a Cop? I see a sadistic ****** **** I;ve seen more competence and less violence in a shopping mall guard. Power got you tripping up and all over.
whatever.
Call yourself a mother? pimping your baby daughters out strung out on some **** and like its all you got.
whatever.
Call yourself a father? leering at your brothers daughter? invading your sisters son?
whatever
Call yourself a human being walking past all those people you could have helped? sat in your comfortable home and uncomfortable shoes recounting your dramas.
whatever.

Call yourself an angry hurt teenager? grow the **** up! put the knife in the sink and do some ******* dishes, put the gun back where it belongs and go out and play in the sun. take your fantasy ******* for what it is nothing its all  whatever.

**** it up and **** it in. pour yourself out and start giving. giving something whatever just make it something ******* nice for ***** sake

Im standing up for the truth you can do something if you want but whatever.

Nothing seems to please me after your metaphorical deserting of me.
it couldn't hurt to say a small truth.
you don't trust them enough to forgive you like I do.
it seems your love is conditional
And mine becoming more so
I have  never valued your silence
you have never had the courage to face my honesty
youd think Id have walked away by now?
it seems I'm addicted to hurt
and that there's really no other option.
is there?

there are no more words

there are not enough reasons

there is no time

there is only life

and it is catching me by the heels and tossing me about

the thing to do is not apparent

so i fumble groping for hope as I stumble and crash into things

maybe I will find something to grab onto if I have the strength to hold on.

**** love. Its a fool's disease with no cure conpulsively offering up pieces, soon fragments then molicules of a heart to be vaporised at will; resigned to watch yourself dissapearing a little more each day hoping to manifest the value of it in a heart you dont own or truly undrstand all the while choosing this pain over and over again.  Only the loved wins. The lover always pays.

The ground opened up and swalloed it whole
every bit of salvation poured out for every soul
and it was a day like the 25th that brought the hope
twas a tree that claimed a life and brought life
For you and me
hung on it beads of love
poured with decorations of red
each pattern a new joy
all because of the little boy
who trimmed the first tree
who colored the world happy
for you and me
the stars shone brighter
the rainbows stretched wider
and the joy of little children became the norm
for everywhere the story was told
suffer unto me little children
and I will bring you back glad tidings and joy
and a merriness for this day
and blessings always
for you and me
the best in all Of Christendom
even on the most silent night
the star of wonder still shines bright
for you and me

hugss xo

You’re a snake waiting in the grass to strike
fangs dripping with toxic anticipation
your false concern does not deceive me
you are exposed
your hightsned sense ominous
I watch your ears ***** as I enter the room
i anticipate your strike
again and again you will fall short of your target
underestimation is my calling card
the time has come to twist your neck into the mirror
before I rip it off
I am welded in truth, in Christendom
take your beedy eyes and small puppet mind out of the hive;
and what have you got?
The scales on your eyes
are firmly planted in
its time to scrape up all the grace
hold my head high

im giving your **** right back

return to sender is the email
and ******* is the reply.

Kiss my *** i hope to fly
My speck aint nuthin to that plank in your eye
Hold me down i just get higher
Dead weight or spare tyre
You dont write my story
Youre just the obstacle that keeps em tuned in to my glory
The halo on my head is real
I earned that ****
i traded in my Achilles heel
Your words bounce off
Like water beads off a duck
Because i made my own luck
Lifted with the light of life
Left my fate to the skies above
Justified
I take my place
love you more as you love me less
In the good Lord my sins are confessed
I still make mistakes and yeah ive got the tact of a crate
God loves me anyway and that's just great
like i said truth is king
i do what i do in honour of Him
And for that glory my heart will sing
most important is one thing
i know you can
And those who dont can kiss your ***
I hope you fly
Where your dreams are way up High.
You can.

I drive the city streets at night

praying for a glimpse of you

playing the tapes burned in my mind

anything just to hear your voice

i miss talking to you in that free and easy way we do.

i mis that deep throaty laugh

that tenderness in your eyes

the way you think Im amazing

and the tender nervous way you touched me ever so lightly

a whole world in your touch, the univeral truth in your eyes

a hunter closing in and a deer in headlights by the close

my mind like my car drives in circles

I crave our time

anything to hear your voice

to feel your energy mingle with mine

God I miss you

I just want to feel alive

I've hurt you and I recognise it
As deep as the torn pieces of aorta I've choked on
How proud you stand defiant in your love of me
How you stich the pieces of my guilt into velvet pillows to lay my head upon
Soothing in your denial of fact
Forgiveness in your heart, pain your eyes
Doubt has settled there
The beat ticks time,
the colours of love bleed
My heart swells,  as yours drains
The words never come no matter how I start,
I wish I'd known
How much
Before i even let it start
Like the sorry caught on my lips
Despite the laboured floundering of my tongue
I cannot bring my self to say
The words I should have remembered
The day I fell from your heart
into your pillows
Never asking how or why
Death is more certain
Than the code written in your eyes
No clues to decipher
Only the way I see your pain

Far away eyes cast their gaze upon ever rearranging light pins
Fragile connections vibrate amongst a rare and delicate frequency
The atmosphere lightens and sprawls across a mindscape
and darkens just as quickly when the mood beckons
Hanging in the in the air of possibilities I miss your company
Your wise to my closed eyes
My warm heart to your raging calm
My serendipitous words across your concise beauty
I kiss you hello on the wind aiming for your right cheek
The side you let me ride shotgun
But as always
I visit the spaces you leave behind
Not sure if you even care about glancing at the pinholes of patterns I leave behind
I cry a crystallized tear
and put it in a box labeled dearest b.
Hugss always.

captured in your eyes
a searing instant
a thousand millennia and more
converging in that one acceptance
No where to go
acknowledgment of who we are
the sound that crackles through the silence,
surging through our skins
dancing promises of ages
patience, patience wait
love is waiting
in the universe of your eyes
unfailing warmth
deeper colors of pain and joy than ever felt
home in a glance
love in the flicker of eternity
woven though the aether of our souls
the fabric of love,
loose woven quintessence
soul songs meet their harmonies
by an unseen moon
on the corner of forever and never Stream
vivid consciousness resigned to knowing the unknowable
there is no escape
captured in your eyes
there is only time that refuses to go
as it never passes
without the cruelty of spending aeons hostage
In a searing instant
never leaving the constraints of now.

The blood drips linger
afraid to leave the bastion of grace
that sustained them
fibres stretched and pulled
to the brink of profanity
sweat refused
clinging until raised as vapors to the sky
a piercing shriek of a quartz tip entered
somehow sliently
parting flesh from flesh
meat from bone and bitter liquid poured forth
searing a river of flesh devouring agony
a slight reprieve offered nothing but
the biting cold of sullied mead
poured mercilessly upon the lips of truth
to add irrevent pain upon excruciating reverence
the clouds gathered
the ground swelled up and shook
the cracks of the whip deafened
by the thunderous
proclamation
thus it was done
and hope sat in stunned silence
the endless wait began
as the blood drips lingered afraid to touch the sand

The clouds I aspire to walk on dissipate with my aspirations of love
fear is temporary pain insignificant
the free fall astoundingly liberating
I fall cloud after cloud
slipped through a rainbow
and landed ******* the thump of reality
and while I was there the sky had fallen with me
and in the darkness a beacon of light pointed to hope
and I sat there watching the light waver and come closer
I saw a million starS clustered together picking up
the shattered specks of light torn down from the hosts of halos
and as I did nothing mesmerized the wave of lights in the beam
washed itself over me and instantly I was caught up in a new day
it had occurred to me that I had become the sun
the light of day opened up and cast out broken dreams and deception
and I saw the relief of freedom wash over the whole
and songs of joy played in my mind
and I knew in that instant I was love
but there were no words that could prove meaning
it was something one knows deep within
that forces with many aeons practice in dampening with the revolution of false truths
but the wordss won’t wont suffice
the light speaks my every conceived an inconceivable thought
without a word.

The flicker of last nights midnight memory rushed through my head
the heart gave an obligatory thump while it tried to double summersault
it was the slightest touch bare skin on bare skin but I felt it so deep
magnatised by the heat in your stare, hips arching to its target
lips parted hanging in the air sending out invitations without care
it was a moment locked in eternity and you bent your head everso slightly
I swore swore you leaned in just before your phone rang
and love had brought you back to your senses and left me with
sweet nothings and a ache gouged deep across my pelvis
that tore me unexpectedly all the way through my heart

because you texted to say hey.

Your indifference
at my disappointment of you
tells me of the imbalance.
Cool eyes and daggers in my heart
claws in my back
split loyalties tear me apart
and still I believe it does the same to you.

so the sheets were warm,

you didn't give a ****.

you unwrapped me from the layers roughly without due care

and unsheathed,you grabbed and pulled the last modest garment

that reliquished so easily its hold.

and I know whats coming

strong arms pull me closer

forceful hips manouver

light lips part

warm breath escapes

your low voice whispers

have i told you lately how lovely you are?

oh yes you have but i say nothing,

you continue taking my cue,

I wish I didnt have to work today,

hands gliding down my sides,

face nuzzled gently against firming soft peaks

rough thumbs gently caress the hollows of hips

rising to greet pleasure

a soft kiss on the glistening silk threads

a glance at your watch,

a gingered withdrawal as you announce theres no time,

and the rest is

assured ****** untasted.

Folder: God Consciousness
I dont feel very romantic,

I dont want to paint the skies in pastel colours

or drape them in velvet studded glitter.

my pen has run dry,

the well of emotions draws nothing but cold

this mind wont let the heart glow

its too cluttered with pain and fears

the worlds ills have laid themselves on my shoulders

As much as I kneel

there is a nagging

I know I must do something.

I sit still waiting for a divine inspiration

or is it fear?

The biting cold extemporaneously
leaps a yearning for warmth from my bitter heart
I’m too proud to beg
too conventional to seek
too pragmatic to pray
too downtrodden to hope
idealism is a fool’s game
for the fool-hardy
The only bravery that extends
is borne of immovable stubbornness
to see it other than exactly as it is
but I have not enough lenses
too human and given to folly
and this,  my undoing
a dire need
to be right
in a world that perceives
a different wrong
some sign
of “I told you so…”
and you, wrapped back up in my arms;
a blanket of warmth.

She waits for me at midnight
the stars aligned n such a way
as to reveal her sudden beauty
I trace the lines between the sparkles
as if they, like bubbles, would perhaps burst
spouting an array of lights!
alas they twinkle less brightly
she has not yet unveiled.
I sense her close
the air thickened
fuller with anticipation
I have no choice but to offer myself patience
And suddenly the gloriousness of her is revealed
and I am whole in her radiance
filled and alive
luminous, I dance a halo
like I’ve never danced before
the patterns anew
and the footsteps in the sand
spell hope
aligned in the order of a prayer
without even the thought of one
just the joy that hung upon the air.