A thought was but a word that once it started to
reverberate from tongue to mind became a syllable.
Etching but a mention on breath but not yet ready to
be exhaled.

Then a web of formation gathered and dew drops of
meaning accumulated before sliding from throat to
tongue. Words were expressed and I said,
                                        *"I LOVE YOU,

These three words are getting harder to say
I don't know if the feeling has gone completely
Or if it was ever there in the first place
We've become more distance
And I feel less optimistic
That this is going to work
I use to call you sweet names
But things have really change
And at one time you said I was all that mattered
And I was your world
And now I'm starting to question that day
Wondering what really happened to that girl
One bad episode of life
Has left you feeling not right
I don't want to give up
But everyone else says it's the right thing to do
I've never been the one to listen to others
And trust still isn't a cup I can drink from
If it's passed to me from you
Lately I feel confused
And my feeling felt like they've been abused
But at the end of the day
I made my choice
And I said I'd stay
Because deep down
I love you

They think I'm happy because I whistle
Label me naive because I sing to myself sometimes
Stupid ******* people* ..

A simple crash is all it took
To encourage a nervous and curious look
Into the bathroom where my mother lay
A blood bath around her, in the middle of the day.

Oh honey, please just look away
You should not see this, please do not stay.

Self-help never works, I could finally see
As she covered her tracks, her eyes never leaving me;
But the evidenced razor lied on the floor
And the pile of pills poured out by the door.

Oh baby, please do not let your father know, too
He wouldn’t understand, the way that you do.

And all of my words held deep inside
Hung on my tongue, my lips were dry.
All of the times you spoke only through words
Left me so confused, viewing life backwards.

You are beautiful, and just so pretty
it is the inside that counts, don’t be so petty.

Oh but momma, can’t you see
How do you expect me to love me?
When you have so much hatred towards yourself?
Enough to clear off the medicine shelf,
Enough to starve, binge, and purge;
You always told me to have some courage.
Enough to cut into yourself: thin and long lines;
You always told me, we would be fine.

But how could this painful sight be so?
Please bow now, mommy, an award for your show.

Dead, like the leaves of autumn.
You probably don't even bother.
Anyways, how have you been?
Happy, maybe?

Angry is an understatement. Thought
You should know that.
Understand, dear?

Last time, I waited. For
An answer. A full
Reply.
Anything better, than that one deadly
Sentence.
And sometimes, I wonder. Is
That it?
Is that all you have to say for yourself?