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Syd Buschmann Jun 2016
I hold my breath hoping,
A bottle cap hits the floor,
Hope lost,
Bolt the door.

I hide,
Cower and Pray.
You find,
Coward and Prey.
I Shake.
You Sway.
All this I can't take.
But you always want to play.
I saw forever in your eyes. . .


                Then you closed them.
Wrote this when I found out my husband was in love with another woman.
Syd Buschmann Jun 2016
Blank. Pure. Untouched. Clear of any mistakes.
But that's unrealistic. Too good to be true.
Make me real.
Make me flawed.
Cover this empty canvas in a billion colors.
Tear me.
Scar me.
Make me as mauled and mangled as the soul that occupies this seemingly perfect vessel.
Put the world inside me.
The good.
The bad.
And especially the ugly.
Make me acknowledge the things I intentionally shut out.
Rip me to shreds.
Then take the time to stitch me back together.
Pull back the curtain to a collage of my former self.
Examine the masterpiece of wonderful sorrow and heart break that the world has produced.  
Put me on display.
Step back.
Be proud.
Syd Buschmann Jun 2016
Maybe... just maybe, she wasn't harming herself for attention or as a cry for help. Maybe, just maybe, she put marks up and down her arms in a ludicrous attempt to remove the ones that have been placed on her heart.
Syd Buschmann Jun 2016
Words sit at the back of my mind.
Lurking.
Forever waiting.
They shape themselves into sentences I want to utter but never can. They take up little moments I have in everyday life.
They swallow me up.
Cover me like a blanket I can never kick off.
Smothering me.
Robbing me of my right to breathe.
But no one sees my underlying deprivation of oxygen.
They don't want to.
No one wants to be responsible for the blue tint of my soul.
They don't wish to resuscitate.
Cause of death?
**Purposeful negligence.

— The End —