you won't know how much I thought of you
so much in care and convincing myself to hate
this way I'm able to say I love myself more
this way the disrespect will bend itself

I suffer with or without you by my side
stuck in between, finding solace
Losing track of time, I'm full of doubt
I still can't accept the lost either way

How can someone just accept the fact that this time, when you finally embrace love, it backfires? You lost the love the first time it appeared and did not fight for love when it reached out to you. Alas, when you thought you’re ready, love turn out to be a fool, disguised a lot.

Take that pill, it’s over. Love, as you know it, no longer values you.

such a gift
to grieve something
no one asked
nobody noticed
the hurt, it holds
keeping me together
waiting for a release
so when I finally do
I already knew
I have to remember
or totally forget
both the good and the bad
they always come together

You don’t simply sustain love
It’s not poetic but it fuels mine

truth maybe is that,
that I don't have the guts
to stay present, hiding
from the pain of the past
to the comfort of tomorrow

Respect
Suddenly, people reveal themselves
the ones that empower
rather than dim your light

Clarity
Apparently, there they are
who choose to involve
making it hard not to realize

Kindness
Subtly, I always saw them
they go out of their way
and now you want to do the same

I didn't know peace can feel heavy
When I traded it with confusion
I chose to label it insecurity
When in reality it's called intuition

When he knows that I'm hurting
When he chose disconnection
He didn't know he traded clarity
In reality, that still works passively

I saw her, I was sure.
It wasn't a choice to be pure.

I never prayed for a special moment.
That kid, poor little kid running on contempt.

Never got the chance to dream about a wedding.
Formative years spent on everything worth avoiding.

It was enough to at least oh please be able to understand.
It was what I was able to pray so hard, to see beyond.

Then the pain found its solace, it is not going away.
There it is a gift — truth, that may seem to betray.

It gave us a chance to fix, to forgive, to belong.
There is so much more than being wrong.

I saw her again and now it is vague.
So jaded mere prayers even fade.

Lord, give her strong will.
She knows what to feel.

Maybe I lost it then.
Let me feel again.

regret mostly visits the insincere
during the time i was
to the people who were
who knows until when it'd last

All ears
done making up stories
just to forgive, unfreeze

not be left with I should have’s
hoping, waiting, it carves
“Glad I did” a gesture that loves

All scream
done holding the steam
just to hear myself, dream

stop myself from thinking
forced myself, I’m feeling
accepting, moments that sting

silence echoed
thriving on survival
I'm afraid I just began
Who am I to leave this world
anyway, gasping for air
full of shame, just ungrateful
was it the lack of expression
brought too much guilt
i can feel it in my back
i haven't done my best
yet im already tired
unreal, unsure, uninspired
i couldn't own this space

Everyday I might have tried
Maybe I almost always give up
wired to downplay my own wins
skeptical to actually rise
My soul knows how to scream
“they have to see me suffer”
refusing to learn
unlearning my gift
Tasting my own bitterness
I don’t like it here but it’s already home.

so it happened
once again
makes my heart sore
the more i think about doing more
the more i am doing less
so it creeps  in, sadness

everyone answered almost immediately
"the guy should love you more"
yet, I found myself loving you more
silly question, why would it be
wrong or that way
I didn't want to know

I couldn’t figure out.
How am I your security,
When I don’t feel secure?

i was never meant to be surrounded with many people all the time
i was doing my best, made it easier for them, harder for me
and so im seeing its worth but i can live without it
and so i rot inside hoping still hoping i wont affect them

It's too **** hard just to show up
and feeling worse about the idea
just celebrating that

That if I stop,
my progress will be pulled back
hitting me to my farthest setback

As if I never tried,
Given up

I was there, didn't care and now I do.
I wish you'd love me sooner.
Like today isn't enough.
As if tomorrow won't make it.

I’m a little hurt but then it’s okay — better  I guess. A little then I won’t be what I’m afraid most. Even if a little isn’t the only way.

Apart from grieving my old self - that I liked, I’m mourning for my present self for trying to **** and reinvent itself, a dozen times within moments.

subconscious has its ways
I may have lost you already
far gone
conscious mind isn’t ready

Might be right
way too fast
Conscious has reasons
to be conscious

Maybe it’s the temperature
or the not being unsure
or the smell that’s familiar
that’s not too far
my mind’s at war
I’ve felt this before
Yes, I know when
But, I didn’t know then

From falling to pieces I can finally sense,
Everything is falling into its place,
That if I broke down a little later..
I would heal a little faster.

I saw you sitting across my seat on the train and felt your hand at the beach brushing against mine as I walk along the shore. I felt you everywhere like you promised. With every decision that I make, with every step I take, I hear you.

But like a fleeting cloud it’s there but I just watch it pass through my day. This is not me waiting rather I’m acknowledging that you are here and will always be.

I saw you sitting
In front of me
Across my seat
Like a reflection
As you are

It’s funny how I like the way I feel after losing you. It’s not morbid nor greedy.

I miss you differently
I miss you but I’m not sad
I miss the whole you but I’m not feeling selfish.

I find myself waiting..
Maybe just longing..
It is all in the past,
But I wanted that hug to last.

You did not ever say
that you love her more
just how long has it been
If that equates to more
you wouldn’t have loved another soul
I wasn’t and am still not in the right place
But I should tell you,
Free yourself,
Until you can tell me,
You love her more.

Time passes
I stayed stationary
But it won't stop for me

Couldn't lose to another end.
And then you said upright,
"You are my friend
more than someone I like."

Altered realities
Just to talk about you
With my dearest friends
They should know about you

I wanted to ask, "Have you ever thought how our feelings just messes us up right now?" But even before I had the chance you said how you do not.. and won't ever regret everything that had happened. You felt things. You thanked me. I calmed down.

Words that linger
Undeserving and forbidden
We could have met later
Everything here is currently frozen

you weren't even looking for it
yet you found the right book
liking it more than you expected
now you read like you owe it

for the lost time, maybe
questioning the timing
craving for more, you indulge
answering its questions

getting to know yourself more
you never thought,
how can a book connect,
and show your reflection

in many ways you couldn't imagine
of all the books you could choose
your favorite book owes it to you
for giving it an interest, a chance

for the attention
almost undivided
an ordinary book waiting
to touch even just for a single life

you flipped it open
patiently waited
carefully thought of it
and appreciated it

this book served its purpose
you could go back at it from time to time
it will be  right there lying around
you won't even need to look for it

you know where it is,
the pilot book, that made you read more
you would have discover a lot of books then
realize how unique and equally beautiful they are.

Maybe this way you won't  be afraid of me
or of losing me.. that you won't tiptoe your way around
I could love you from afar but this time,
Will you be my friend?

Tears falling from the eyes
Heavy sigh that comes from the mouth
Eyebrows trying to meet each other
Nose shining through the redness
I remind myself,
It's a beautiful phase

Nearing another end
I still waited
Patiently but in denial
I let myself be distracted
Confused myself more
What am I even longing for
A version of you?
The person you were
The one you would become
You at this moment
See, this is our month
Where our beginnings took place
But the cycle has come to an end now
Don't you think?

you have taken a lot of my energy
little by little, day by day
not that i didn't notice
it's for you to take

energy though
as we all know
can never be created
nor destroyed

i am running out
you see
so you might want
to give some back

to fill the void that is
slowly closing anyway
i don't need it
but i sure am want it

just give it time and
make it more bearable
for me, who loved you,
so dearly

ayoko ng naghihintay
ayoko ng hinahabol
magkasundo naman tayo
bigyan ng pagkakataon