I’m a little hurt but then it’s okay — better  I guess. A little then I won’t be what I’m afraid most. Even if a little isn’t the only way.

Apart from grieving my old self - that I liked, I’m mourning for my present self for trying to **** and reinvent itself, a dozen times within moments.

subconscious has its ways
I may have lost you already
far gone
conscious mind isn’t ready

Might be right
way too fast
Conscious has reasons
to be conscious

Maybe it’s the temperature
or the not being unsure
or the smell that’s familiar
that’s not too far
my mind’s at war
I’ve felt this before
Yes, I know when
But, I didn’t know then

From falling to pieces I can finally sense,
Everything is falling into its place,
That if I broke down a little later..
I would heal a little faster.

I saw you sitting across my seat on the train and felt your hand at the beach brushing against mine as I walk along the shore. I felt you everywhere like you promised. With every decision that I make, with every step I take, I hear you.

But like a fleeting cloud it’s there but I just watch it pass through my day. This is not me waiting rather I’m acknowledging that you are here and will always be.

I saw you sitting
In front of me
Across my seat
Like a reflection
As you are

It’s funny how I like the way I feel after losing you. It’s not morbid nor greedy.

I miss you differently
I miss you but I’m not sad
I miss the whole you but I’m not feeling selfish.

I find myself waiting..
Maybe just longing..
It is all in the past,
But I wanted that hug to last.

You did not ever say
that you love her more
just how long has it been
If that equates to more
you wouldn’t have loved another soul
I wasn’t and am still not in the right place
But I should tell you,
Free yourself,
Until you can tell me,
You love her more.

Time passes
I stayed stationary
But it won't stop for me

Couldn't lose to another end.
And then you said upright,
"You are my friend
more than someone I like."

Altered realities
Just to talk about you
With my dearest friends
They should know about you

I wanted to ask, "Have you ever thought how our feelings just messes us up right now?" But even before I had the chance you said how you do not.. and won't ever regret everything that had happened. You felt things. You thanked me. I calmed down.

Words that linger
Undeserving and forbidden
We could have met later
Everything here is currently frozen

you weren't even looking for it
yet you found the right book
liking it more than you expected
now you read like you owe it

for the lost time, maybe
questioning the timing
craving for more, you indulge
answering its questions

getting to know yourself more
you never thought,
how can a book connect,
and show your reflection

in many ways you couldn't imagine
of all the books you could choose
your favorite book owes it to you
for giving it an interest, a chance

for the attention
almost undivided
an ordinary book waiting
to touch even just for a single life

you flipped it open
patiently waited
carefully thought of it
and appreciated it

this book served its purpose
you could go back at it from time to time
it will be  right there lying around
you won't even need to look for it

you know where it is,
the pilot book, that made you read more
you would have discover a lot of books then
realize how unique and equally beautiful they are.

Maybe this way you won't  be afraid of me
or of losing me.. that you won't tiptoe your way around
I could love you from afar but this time,
Will you be my friend?

Tears falling from the eyes
Heavy sigh that comes from the mouth
Eyebrows trying to meet each other
Nose shining through the redness
I remind myself,
It's a beautiful phase

Nearing another end
I still waited
Patiently but in denial
I let myself be distracted
Confused myself more
What am I even longing for
A version of you?
The person you were
The one you would become
You at this moment
See, this is our month
Where our beginnings took place
But the cycle has come to an end now
Don't you think?

you have taken a lot of my energy
little by little, day by day
not that i didn't notice
it's for you to take

energy though
as we all know
can never be created
nor destroyed

i am running out
you see
so you might want
to give some back

to fill the void that is
slowly closing anyway
i don't need it
but i sure am want it

just give it time and
make it more bearable
for me, who loved you,
so dearly

ayoko ng naghihintay
ayoko ng hinahabol
magkasundo naman tayo
bigyan ng pagkakataon

Sobrang hirap simulan
Kay dali naman iwanan
Nasaan ba ang bakit
Hahanapin saglit

Sinasabi ko
Hindi ako tatayo,
Hanggat 'di ko 'to natatapos
Kaya ko na to

I’m the Tardy one
I was often even called Miss T.
Things could’ve been better
If I wake up earlier
Maybe they’d talk to me over breakfast
And know me
Maybe I would learn how to take my time
And not decide to quit
Every time I think I ran out of time.

I found my truth
What a hard pill to swallow
That I made the right decision
Wait, am I relieved?

No? Not yet?
This isn't it.
Prove me wrong.
Just this once.

Prove me wrong
Because I hate being right
Prove me wrong
Will you?

I give up
Took a step back
Let things happen
Maybe it'll lead me to something.

I opened my heart
Thoughts pass through
Like an old river
No rush, we'll get there.

‪I made cold  coffee
I am made of cold coffee
I hate cold coffee‬s

The funny thing is..

I used to love sadness. The comfort it brought me, it was so convenient that I got addicted by it.

Like to you, dear.

No, I know.

You are my sadness but I’m free,

Or will be free.

I hope you won’t experience that
pain that reminds you of more pain
how it stretches through your arms,
through your palm
how it reaches the tip of your fingertips,
the el of your elbow
and you would believe for a moment
‪that is why people have done it.
You could only hope
you can just shake it off easily.
You’d think then,
maybe people hoped too.