maybe i don’t like you
maybe i like the idea of liking you
maybe i don’t like being lonely
maybe i like being alone

you see it’s hard for me
it’s hard to know what i feel
because what else can you expect
from someone who doesn’t
f e e l a n y t h i n g

having a heart keeps you alive
but it doesn’t make you feel alive
i can’t tell you what anger feels like
i can only tell you what it sounds like
i can’t tell you what sadness feels like
i can only tell you their signs
i can’t tell you what happiness looks like
i can only tell you it doesnt last

i see the world in colours
they tell me what that person is feeling
they tell me who that person is
they tell me the secrets they hold
but i can’t tell you how it feels like
because i can’t feel

i can’t feel
i can’t feel
i can’t feel
but why do i feel something
when i think of you?

Do you think about me every day?
Am I always on your mind?
Each night do you kneel and pray
For one day me to find?
Do you wonder if I look like you,
Have your personality?
If I like the same things you do?
Or if we differ completely?

Do you search for me in others faces
Certain that you will know me?
Do you love going to new places
Hoping there is where I will be?
Do you constantly worry about me?
Wonder how my life has been?
Does your heart ache longingly
For a life that might have been?

Do you worry that you may never
get the opportunity to know me?
That we should be apart forever?
That my face you may never see?
Do you have difficulty coping?
Have a yearning that never goes away?
Do you never give up hoping
That we will find each other someday?

Do you feel a painful gaping void?
That you are somehow incomplete?
Do you feel a longing deep inside
For the day we eventually meet?
Do you question why we had to part?  
Worry I may have forgotten you?
I hope the answer is yes with all my heart
For these are all the things I do.

Another minute goes by and I'm not thinking about your
eyes
lips
hair
nose
hands
heart
soul.
Maybe it's because I have left the prison I built for myself,
or it's probably due to the fact that I have seen galaxies in the eyes of another.
I don't need you anymore;
you're just a ghost in the background,
an insubstantial space in my garden that will never bear flowers.

the mirror is my enemy
my body is a vessel
my soul has blackened the tender parts of my mind
and imprinted on the exterior

i couldnt help but stare
at my reflection and feel
nothing but hatred and anger
knowing that; i emptied myself
i hate it
i hate my vessel

it's funny how a person's scent continues to linger
even though they haven't been around for ages
or maybe worn that shirt you still keep
at the bottom of your wardrobe

it's sad that after all this time,
i still remember the way you smiled
every time you laugh,
your eyes crinkle up and your laughter propagates
filling the emptiness inside of me

maybe it's my fault
that i've invited you in
and allowed you to build a home for yourself
i can't let you go
but at the same time i can't wait
to kick you out

there are days where I feel pointless,
even a bit sad that my poems are
merely a drop in a vast ocean of
thoughts and expressions

why bother writing and sharing?

I sometimes feel insignificant,
and compare myself to others
and feel like I fall short.

there will always be people who write more clearly,
more beautifully with clear imagery,
but none writes like me.
I write, because I must.
sometimes the words build up inside of me,
and if I don't let it out it will slowly eat me up from the inside.

I write and share, because even though my words are like a drop
in a vast sea, at least like water I am connected to others by sharing a little snap shot of my life, thoughts and feelings.

I write, because it reminds me that I am worthy and loved enough to allow the beautiful act of creation to work within
me.  

I am part of the process of life, I am part of the whole, I am part of the "We."  

I am not alone.

i've learnt
how fragile the human mind can be
it shatters at a single thought
but strengthens when threatened

i've realised
how easier it is to breathe
without you occupying my thoughts
and intoxicating my lungs
with your scent
i've missed it so

i've accepted
that i could never be wholesome enough
for you to love
that you could never open up
to the poison laced between my words

we are worlds apart
and i'm slowly pulling myself together
to acknowledge that we'll always stay that way