someone told me that to love or to be loved,
you must ready to take a risk

love will always make you feel both
happy and sad

love will always make you feel confuse
about giving more or taking more

love will always make you feel full
either of joy or tears

love will always make you grow
to be a better person or another person

love will always make you taste
the sweet and the bitter

love will always
make you
feel weird
but also
blessed

let me tell you about myself;

i used to end relationship quick with people;
i told them that i can't have relationship with them, i told them things that made them give up on me, i told them that i can't.

i used to throw away all the feelings i have;
everytime my feelings grow, i always cut the roots and let it die.

i  used  to  treat  people  who  loves  me  so  badly.

i used to ignore them,
i used to hold myself for love,
i used to be so cruel about people's feelings.
i used to do bad things to people around me and myself.

now you know that,
will your feelings still grow on me?

everything's my fault for being too cruel.
i push him away as far i could yet he's still trying to reach me but i hurt him like everyday i throw the knives in her heart. i told him how much i can't fall for him with a really hurtful way. my friend told me that he loved me so much that he cried because of me.
i've tried to love him, to feel the way he feel for me. i look at him so often, that our eyes met. i  didn't like him at first, maybe until now but it hurts knowing that he's no longer waiting for me. i know i'm too cruel but nobody ever help me to fix myself.  
i'm being so happy all this time knowing that there's someone who truly loves me and i will just make him stay like that because i believe that he will wait for me, no matter how long is it. i'm being so happy that i finally got a loyal ones, the one who would wait for me. i'm so happy that my story would have a happy ending.
but  i'm  wrong.
love can't be like that and that's not love if it's only one person that feel it. love won't wait forever if you don't make a move and hold it close to your heart. nobody will wait forever if you show no interest to them.
but everything's still so blur to me, like every single thing. i may say everyday that i fall for the main character in dramas but God, i swear not that kind of fall. i never really fall into someone else, i never really fall for people. i only fall with how they talk, or his mind. because before i fall to people, i hold myself, telling myself that i shouldn't fall in love because i'm scared that i might be like my mom. i'm scared that i might live the rest of my life loving someone who once loved me but then when he's got bored of me, he choose to left. i'm scared that everything might turn out like that. i'm too scared to be like that, too scared to try. so here i am, only have regret in every love story that i've been through.

the saddest part
of being loved by someone is

if you try hard
to love him back
but can't

and it's frustrates you a lot
that you just can't love him
but he's still stuck

in you

(b.i)

you can only find the day like me once in your life.
im the wind that blows hard till your eyes hurt
and can't see the ocean anymore.
it will put the heavy rain to your shoulder
and make you kneel to the clouds
but it won't look at you anymore
because it cry too hard,
so hard that even the fire inside your heart
died because of its sadness.


it's until that point you realize
my feelings have become numb
my body have become weak
i wasn't the same me anymore
and to you,
fragments of shattered glass was only visible thing left in your heart
because you already lost me for good

(b.i & j.s)

love is love
even though his heart does not fit yours

love is love
even though his hands were holding another universe

love is love
even though his lips never land on yours

love is love
even though his moon never back to you

and love is still love
even though
it
     was
             not
                    made
                               for
                                     you

(b.i)