everything's my fault for being too cruel.
i push him away as far i could yet he's still trying to reach me but i hurt him like everyday i throw the knives in her heart. i told him how much i can't fall for him with a really hurtful way. my friend told me that he loved me so much that he cried because of me.
i've tried to love him, to feel the way he feel for me. i look at him so often, that our eyes met. i didn't like him at first, maybe until now but it hurts knowing that he's no longer waiting for me. i know i'm too cruel but nobody ever help me to fix myself.
i'm being so happy all this time knowing that there's someone who truly loves me and i will just make him stay like that because i believe that he will wait for me, no matter how long is it. i'm being so happy that i finally got a loyal ones, the one who would wait for me. i'm so happy that my story would have a happy ending.
but i'm wrong.
love can't be like that and that's not love if it's only one person that feel it. love won't wait forever if you don't make a move and hold it close to your heart. nobody will wait forever if you show no interest to them.
but everything's still so blur to me, like every single thing. i may say everyday that i fall for the main character in dramas but God, i swear not that kind of fall. i never really fall into someone else, i never really fall for people. i only fall with how they talk, or his mind. because before i fall to people, i hold myself, telling myself that i shouldn't fall in love because i'm scared that i might be like my mom. i'm scared that i might live the rest of my life loving someone who once loved me but then when he's got bored of me, he choose to left. i'm scared that everything might turn out like that. i'm too scared to be like that, too scared to try. so here i am, only have regret in every love story that i've been through.
this feelings has been stuck in my mind for like one month. god i do feel this way and i don't know how to forget or deal with feelings. i sounds so pathetic yet so dumb, you can call me stupid and cruel because that's who i am.